The day before I got married, I found a whole bunch of porn sites that my husband has been looking at, I confronted him of it, he promised to stop. Well it has happened several times afterwards and I continue to stand by him. About a year ago he started buying magazines and DVD's and hiding them in his truck and when I had a gut feeling, I would find them. He lied to me about it every single time until I showed him the proof. He admitted his addiction and for the last time promised our marriage was worth more than the porn. Now I can't trust anything he tells me and he is now starting to get very defensive over everything I ask or say to him. Am I just being over obsessed about the issue or is he doing it again? We are both in our second marriage and his first marriage ended because she cheated on him several times. I have done nothing but stand behind him but I am slowly going into depression because I can't control what he does anymore.
2007-01-25 06:07:35 · 7 answers · asked by lessard_family 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have sat down and TALKED about everything with him. I have even brought myself to tears because it hurts me so bad, but he doesn't seem to understand the hurt and pain that this issue is causing me. His answers are always, "whatever" or "you don't know what your talking about" or even "I understand" which he completely doesn't.
2007-01-25 06:40:27 · update #1
but I am slowly going into depression because I can't control what he does anymore.
Marriage is not about control. Maybe his sexual needs aren't satisfied and you need to have an intimate chat about this.
2007-01-25 06:35:47 · answer #1 · answered by Bridgette B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear friend, my advice to you is to CALMLY ask him if he wants to quit. Just remember that you want the TRUTH so ask this in a way that will make him feel he can be honest with you without you yelling or reacting to the truth. If he says yes then make a plan with him on how you can help him. Don’t give him ultimatums he’s not a child. If he says no or denies that he does those things, then he does not want to quit & there is really nothing you can do I’m afraid but wait.
Try to have him keep busy. When someone has free time they waste their time on these things until they become a habit/ addiction (in some cases). Everyday have him do FUN stuff with the kids (play board games, etc..) if you have any or else go out with him DAILY or do stuff with him (PS4 etc…) DAILY!
Talk to him about installing K9 or other similar programs to block these websites.
Try to keep him away from electronics or anything that will give him access to these dirty websites.
I know this may seem like a lot of work but do it for a few months until he is used to not wanting those things then you can loosen the reign’s abit. An addict is an addict & you wouldn’t have an alcoholic go to a bar so a similar strategy is used here. I hope this is helpful for you… its abit unconventional but good luck! I hope it works out
2015-11-29 13:10:32 · answer #2 · answered by Memo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. My husband has a porn addiction as well. Luckily his is only on the internet, but what bothers me the most is that he does is without me. I would be much more comfortable with it if he didn't hide it. My biggest fear is him not being open and honest with me. I told him that we should at least get some tasteful porn since the internet is poluted with anal sex (that of whihc I am not a fan), beastiality, etc. Maybe try watching it with him, it's uncomfortable at first, but gets easier and you may enjoy it.
2007-01-25 07:11:38 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel for you! im not married but the guy im dating i think has a serious issue with porn. we have only been together a couple months, but i have allready found things that make me very uncomfortable/insecure/what the hell feeling. from what i know men like this dont change. where does it stop? strip clubs, escorts...some men really have no control no matter how great the sex life is. I am still playing investigator with my boyfriend, and if it seems like too much, im leaving. I know for myself, i cant deal with it. Maybe owning one or two movies, but always watching them can really make a girl feel inadequate. And I hate when when women say it doesnt bother them and your the prude. DONT BUY THAT BULLSH#$T.
2007-01-25 06:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by dragon girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it too much. You don't mention if your sex life is suffering because of the porn. If he would rather be satisfied by his addiction then by you then you should be worried. If you two still go at it on a regular basis and both are happy with your sex life then let it go. If you need to forget about it.
2007-01-29 03:01:51 · answer #5 · answered by tays232003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude would you rather him look at porn or cheat on you, watch it with him maybe that would surprise him if you said that, hey honey let's watch soem together or whatever and of course he is going to huide it when he knows you don't like it! Get off his case!
2007-01-25 07:01:56 · answer #6 · answered by Heather M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all hes a grown *** man you dont control him just like he dont control you. what is it with all you women freaking out about your man looking at porn? mine looks at it. but im not all crying and going into depression over it. try looking at it with him. i think your problem with your husband looking at porn is your very insecure and you think your husband finds the women in the mags and movies sexier than you. omg, would y'all GROW UP!!!!
2007-01-25 14:15:06 · answer #7 · answered by ladybug_78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋