Ok I need honest opinions from someone who is non-judgemental in my situation.?

Question

I will be divorced in March after a long a hard separationa nd marriage. My ex does not support our girls nor sees them. The youngest doesnt even remember him. They have only seen him for 3 hrs in a year. I have moved forward and made a home and life for us on my own with very little support. I have reconnected with someone that I knew as a child a grew up with who is also going through a divorce. We liked each other as teenagers but were always friends. Anyway, he is also going through a divorce and was hurting badly. We have begun to do things and spend time together and are becoming very close. I went out with someone for a few months but never let this person interact with my kids. This person has and is absolutely wonderful with them and they adore him. His children are older 16, 14 and 11. Mine are 5 and 2. We are bcoming very close and I can see this going somewhere. Should I go for it? We have so much in common. I've found happiness and feel lost when he is not around.

Answer 1

It would be only natural for you or him to have some healthy fears about a deep and committed relationship so soon after the divorces. It takes about 2 years after a divorce for a person to heal sufficiently before engaging another relationship in earnest If this relationship is going to be healthy. That is what the experts say of this subject.

All I can tell you is to TAKE IT SLOWLY. Don't make a quick decision and start pushing him for one also. If this relationship is going to be healthy, let this relationship develop naturally and see where it leads. Tell your children that you two are good friends from childhood and want to help each other learn to trust again. And, tell them that by doing activities all together, meaning both families, you all can experience a sense of family and friendship. Don't present him as a New Father figure for them; only present him as a friend to your children. Don't cause them concerns by public shows of intimate kisses, etc. Keep that private if it is going on. It may take him awhile to come to the position of wanting to be more in your life and your children's lives. Be patient.

Answer 2

Whatever you do take your time. Let his divorce settle in. If you two start and itimate relationship it should be without a burden on ones shoulder. You know how it is when going thru a seperation, you need time to come to terms with it. You two should continue slowly and when he is freed of the feelings that go along with divorce then you two can get closer with a clear mind. Support him thru talking and spending time together. Talk alot and get to know each other deeply. You have time so take it. You know that if you go for it too soon it could turn out wrong.
Let his hurt subside because he should have a free mind and soul before commiting to something new. And you know its sometimes better to wait for the reward to be so much sweeter.
Good luck

Answer 3

Go for it! Only one thing caught my eye. You feel lost when he's not around?! I don't know the reason you divorced your first husband but be that as it may, you should know that you are a person who should not feel lost without the presence of any other human being. You have been able to cope with all the things that have occurred in your life up to now. Do not become overly dependent on anyone! What will become of you if this relationship (knock on wood) does not work our for any reason? See what I mean! You are strong, determined, and know you can survive without a mate. Don't lose touch with that reality and you'll be fine.

Answer 4

Since both of you have had your unhappiness in your
previous marriage and now both of you seem to be gett-
ing your happiness you needed before from each other
now, there is no need in rushing into marriage without
giving it sufficient enough time to make sure that you and
the new him will definately be happily ever after. Since he
is going through a divorce then give him time to fully get
over it and if he is still the same towards you and your
children and his children are still the same to you and
your children, then get everyone involved in asking the
children about you and him getting married: Sounds like
you and him and each others children are getting along
great but make sure this time that it will last as both of you
went through un-happiness in your prior marriages so
both of you want the happiness that you missed for so
many years and to obtain that let the time pass so both
of you will be insured of your happiness togeather along
with your children, so good luck on your new happiness.

Answer 5

Go for it--SLOWLY! You're both coming out of bad relationships and you need to heal before you can fully move on. If you enjoy each others company and have a positive, respectful relationship that is healthy for you and your respective children, then there's no reason not to be together. BUT, do not feel compelled to move in together or to become engaged any time soon. If he is Mr. Right, he won't be going anywhere. My only concern is your statement that you feel lost when he is not around. The sounds very co-dependent. I sincerely hope that you do not rely on anyone but yourself for your happiness. If you have to look outside of yourself for fulfillment, it's going to be very hard to ever be happy or at peace. Best of luck to you and your daughters.

Answer 6

Sophie 7/10 Nicole 7/10.Phyllis 2/10 Emily 5/10 Lydia 4/10.Chloe 7/10 Francesca 10/10.

Answer 7

Childhood friends alot of the time make the best mates. You don't have to go through the whole "getting to know each other" like most people and IF anything would ever happen, you could always remain friends. I say go for it. You both seem to have alot in common and you both know that each other is hurting in some way, so therefore you both would be more sensitive to each other's feelings and decisions.

Answer 8

The first responsibility you have is for your children.

But, unless you have seriously discussed the merging of your families and all the other bits of a long term relationship, then realize that some of what you are feeling is the the early infatuation between two people. It may not be love, and you may not be suited for each other beyond your marriage situations.

I advise taking things slowly.

Answer 9

Go for happiness, life is too short!, but i would advise that you proceed cautiously, because from what you've said, both of you are rebounding. Sometimes when you want something, you ignore or fail to see the negative things that seem to pop up later, when they were there in front of you all the time. Just take your time.

Answer 10

I believe that you have responded to someone who obviously shows you respect, which you were badly lacking....however, the only danger (and I speak from experience) is that he hasn't been on his own to decide what kind of life he really wants, and to go from one bad relationship directly into another one---even a good one---is going to be problematic. I know this and have experienced it with my Sweetheart, who is in a similar situation. What happens is that occasionally he feels he needs to be alone, but doesn't really want to be without me, so it's complicated for him. I would suggest going slowly, not moving in together--just date for a good while. Life provides opportunities for things to proceed as they should, so take what life offers, but be cautious, both for You and for your girls, who can't advocate for themselves.