Back in August my husband and I seperated for about 2 months. We have been together 20 years married for 15 years. I asked him to leave cause i no longer trusted him with things. He has never treated me bad until the summer of 2006. I gained a lot of weight but now i have lost it. Treated badly is not the right word we just wasn't getting along their was no cheating or anything like that. He has since came back in November of 2006. I let him but i got used to him not being here and now i regret sometimes he is back. I have lost 65lbs and he has told me about in the middle of December that if i still weighed that amount he wouldn't have come back. He knows how to hurt me with words, but when i tell him i want to leave he is like i didn't mean any of what i said. I don't know if he is just trying to hurt me or what. Now i don't want him around me, but sometimes i do want him around and sometimes I don't help me. I don't even know if i love him anymore cause of the hurt over the summer
2007-01-25 05:58:23 · 17 answers · asked by leeann3670 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are not really middle aged well sort of i guess we have 3 children 13, 11, 9 and i am 37 he is 35. I think i grew up and he didn't. I guess I want to make it work i know i know but for my children and i hate to fail at anything. I lost my weight for myself not for him.
2007-01-25 06:09:27 · update #1
Just let it go. It's over. Your hanging onto it because of sentimental reasons and harkening back to the good ol days. Well, they're gone. You've moved in different directions. He wouldn't come back if you were still heavy? Love goes beyond physical beauty and you know it.
If he doesn't say things like, "I love you no matter what. I know we can work it out. I only want to be with you." Then he's not in love.
Trust isn't the issue here. You've outgrown him. Seen him in a new light. (Doesn't look as shiny as he once did, huh?) An unfortunate side effect to growing apart.
If you don't trust him - trust yourself! Your "spidey senses" are sounding alarms in your head. Women's intuition. Do a bit of digging beyond the surface and you may be surprised at what you find. I hate to say that - but I've been there. You feel this way for a reason. And the reason is coming from him.
Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Your halfway there. Empower yourself and claim a new life again. And set off on an adventure for new love. Think postively - and things will be granted.
2007-01-25 06:10:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a little annoying to hear these folks who keep ranting that once a cheater, always a cheater. Affairs happen for many reasons, and sometimes "good" people have them, acknowledge the mistake and then repair the marriage and stay faithful. Of course there are the sex addicts and narcissists that probably can't or don't want to be reformed, but if the cheating happened because of some need that wasn't being met in the marriage and that problem is resolved, why assume it will happen again? This guy sounds like he had one last fling before tying the knot, which was a stupid and insecure thing to do, but not necessarily worth ending the marriage over. He DID marry the girl, so he must have decided he wanted to be with her, not the other woman. If he's still ambivalent, then they should get counseling now, before they have children. Chances are he got it out of his system and he is prepared to be a committed husband. How many guys get a little too carried away at the bachelor party and still go on to be good husbands? Probably quite a few.
2016-05-23 22:51:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, decide how you want to be treated by anyone you are in a close relationship with him, and set some boundries. Then, make it clear how you want to be treated. Until he is ready to treat you the way you want to be treated, cut him off. I.e., no hurtful comments, even if they were supposed to be "just a joke". Im sure he wouldn't think that joke was funny if the situation were reversed. You've already gone without him once, and it seems like you were just fine - you lost weight, you liked being on your own. Don't allow him back into the mix until he is good for you as well.
2007-01-25 06:13:54 · answer #3 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he should love you no matter what through THICK or thin. You should also have the same respect. Im sure you werent happy with the way you looked so why should your husband have been happy. Remember life is short. Do not let this incident ruin 20 years of marriage. Learn from it and move on.
2007-01-25 06:07:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weight should never be an issue in a marriage. He should love you for who you are and not what you look like. You need to tell him that either he loves you for you and takes you for who you are or you are filing for divorce and that is final. Put your foot down. Trust me, there is always better out there for you. It sounds like he only came back because you are thin again and that is nothing in a marriage.
2007-01-25 06:12:07 · answer #5 · answered by lessard_family 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would do well to become more assertive, living your life as you wish to live it, in accordance with the person you truly are. Instead, you are hanging your self-worth on your husband and allowing him to dictate how you feel about yourself. You may be middle-aged, but you still have a lot of personal growth to get through. Start now by buying self-help books, especially those that have to do with building self-esteem and assertiveness skills. Read them and put them into practice in your day-to-day life.
2007-01-25 06:06:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First if he really loved you he wouldn't say things to hurt you. Sometimes we say things with out thinking of how it hurts the ones we say it to. Problem is once said it can't be taken back. I believe that from what you've said here he doesnt love you, and you don't love him. I couldn't even imagine going through life with out my women beside me. She's my best freind,and I'd rather be with her than anybody. When you really fall in love with somebody you'll know what I mean.
2007-01-25 06:13:18 · answer #7 · answered by russell c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are going to though away 20yrs over one summer? That's crazy. I think you feel like you lost some wight and you want to see whats out there. In the truth of it there's nothing out there, that you already have. Trust me on that one. For a "moment" someone might make you feel good but when life kicks in you see it's not much different then what you all ready have.Buy him ten stupid things couples to to mess up their relationship by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger.
2007-01-25 06:09:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you should file for a legal separation and try life on you own then you will able to make a decision as to weather or not you really want to be married to this man or any other man.
2007-01-25 06:09:32 · answer #9 · answered by inmate3685 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very simple tell him you would like for him to insulting you that you are his wife and what is some matter with him doesn't he now how to treat you ? those few words will make him look within himself and see he has Ben mistreating you if not then you must separate and start over life is to short not to
2007-01-25 06:08:24 · answer #10 · answered by richard c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋