What should I do if my husband spends all of my money?

Question

We both are in the military, both the same rank, but he has a lot of finacial problems so his checks are really low.

So my check alone has been carrying us through. I am very upset that all the money I had saved before our marriage is gone already and we have only been married since November.

And on top of all that I just found out I was pregnant, and I was on birth control, so things just keep pileing on top of us, and I don't know if I can stand it anymore? I want to work things out but he says we have no problems and I'm acting like a child. I think I have every right to be worried about the financial problems.

We have seperate accounts, but I am paying all the bills, for the groceries, and the car damage that happened when he wrecked the car. I do still consider it my money because it's still the money I am making. Also, the money he does get on his check, he goes out and spends it on movies and games while I am at work.

Also, I did not KNOW he had these issues until after we were married he said that they were fine, then we went to NY to visit his family and they told me that he likes to create debts and that I would have to control all the money or he would make us go broke.

Oh I should add, he don't think we need to go see counselors because he thinks its only our buisness and we shouldn't drag people into it.

Answer 1

Obviously there is a problem because you think there is. This is the reason that me and my bf are on the outs, because I've tried(like an adult) to talk to him about the things that bother me, but when they flat out deny that there's a problem at all, there's no way that it could ever be fixed. He thinks that it is not important enough to him to do anything about it, and it's just a clear cut sign that he could care less what you think, or how you feel about anything, when he tells you you're imagining things. He doesn't care if it bothers you that he's made ridiculous decisions in his life, he probably thinks he's had bad luck his whole life. Since he has always refused to learn from his mistakes, he will continue to behave this way til the day he dies, and then he'll blame it all on someone else.
Basically what he is saying to you is," just shut up woman, it's your job to take care of me, and it's my right to spend your money because you're only a female, and I really don't care or want to hear that you're not having a blast doing your wifely duties"
This will not change because he would have to change his entire being in order to become someone who takes responsibility for their actions, mature enough to recognize a mistake as an opportunity to learn something. People have been cleaning up after him his whole life, am I wrong? He sees nothing wrong with his methods, but since YOU do, you're going to have to wean yourself away from him, divorce him, and get away with as much of your things as you can. He will be a burden constantly, this is not a marriage, and you'll learn very quickly to resent him and hate him, and pretty soon you'll be unable to think of the reason you married him in the first place.

Answer 2

I had been in a similar position for several years and my advice is 1) ask to be the one to control the money from both paychecks. Keep the lines of communication open, so he knows exactly where the money is going and how it is managed. 2) If this does not work, set an ultimatum for going to a counselor. If he refuses, then 3) consider separation. This seems extreme, but it is the only way to show him that you are dead serious. Trust me, it's bad now, but this situation will only get worse with a child in the picture. The child will put extra pressure on you financially, and he/she will definitely be affected by the constant friction between you and your husband about money. Think about your future. There are things you want to do in your life, and having someone who sabotages your finances is going to make achieving your dreams extremely hard. You are going to feel like you are the only one keeping the ship from going down. You will become bitter and resentful, and the relationship will suffer.

Answer 3

Sorry to be blunt but you are acting a bit silly you have to understand when you get married the whole my money is not an
issue the money is both of yours yes at this time your hubby may be in a bit of financial distress but it is you as a couple that need to work together to clear that up. So remember stop the fighting and bickering and tell him your okay with helping pay off his debt but once you have finished helping him you deserve a nice vacation or special gift. Marriage is a joint venture your not single anymore I would make a bet if the situation was reversed he would have no problem bailing you out of debt. Good Luck and God Bless. Also congrats about the baby just pray, things will work out for the best if you pray and ask for God's help.

Answer 4

well its kinda late now to be worried about financial problems. You should have checked everything before getting married. Ask him to level with you, and explain it to you where the money is going. Its possible he owes money from past , or some other money issues. If you don't see things like money going for drugs or some other women , then try to solve the problems with him. Don't come down hard on him, because you don't know what situation is he in. Another thing you can do is to see a marriage and financial counselor.

Answer 5

You said he goes to school two days per week,what does he do the rest of the week, does he pull his weight keeping the house hold going? Like cooking, cleaning, laundry ecc ecc. If that is the case, may be he should cook more meals at home and the money saved could go in the home kitty, it looks like the goal should not be if he gets more money or not, but to sit down and work out a budget to make the money work for you rather than against you, it is not very conductive to a happy marriage when a spouse has to ask for money be it the man or woman. SET UP A SPECIAL HOUSE HOLD ACCOUNT, according to affordability and the life style you intend to keep, and work together or the relationship will start to suffer in a big way !!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Ok first off when you get married nothing is mine anymore it is ours and well birth control doesn't always keep you from having a kid so condoms or the pull out method that is your own fault should have been more careful and you knew before that he had money problems so you knew so there ya go and you shouldn't always try to pay your debt off at once it takes time so just work on setting a budget!

Answer 7

You're pregnant. You have every right to be worried! I just had a child 2 weeks ago, and those little critters take MONEY!! Lots of money. You have bills to pay, a career in the military, and he sees fit to not worry about your problems.

I'm usually all for the old "what's mine is yours" routine, but if my husband acted like yours, I'd have a separate accouont from his, so I could keep track of where my money goes. He sounds like a child himself.

Set a budget and demand that he stick to it. Try this for one month. If he shows no signs of growing up, then jerk the rug out from under him and show him you mean business.

Answer 8

It's time for him go grow up now that you have a child on the way. Saying you have no problems is a good indication that he still needs to grow up and see the big picture. It's not about him anymore it's about the child. You have to be able to support this child for many years to come and he needs to get his act together and be an adult and responsible about it. You have every right to be worried, especially now.

Answer 9

Finances are one of the biggest things couple's argue about, usually because people are different when it comes to how they handle money. Maybe you two should read Dave Ramsey's books....you probably knew he had these issues before you got married, so to back out now isn't very fair. Try to work on this together.

Answer 10

Open your own savings account, one you only you have access to, and deposit your paychecks there. If he freaks out tell him that you need to be more responsible financially since there is a child on the way. If he is not responsible with money, you have to step up and make it happen yourself. Good Luck.