Should I be concerned?

Question

I believe that when you are married to someone you should both have access to all accounts, passwords and everything. My Husbands (of 5 months) thinks he should be able to have his phone account with a password I do not know. He has one service company, I have another until my contract runs out. My deal is, if you have nothing to hide why would any account be "untouchable". I caught him having 2 very long conversations with a former spouse. Together they came to over 2 hours. They have a kid together and he said the conversation was about her. When I checked his phone records and brought this to his attention he changed his password and told me I was "snooping". I am an open book when it comes to my "stuff". There is nothing he can not get into because I have nothing to hide. I am not saying he does, but should a wife and husband have privacy issues. That is my question.

Answer 1

I don't really think that this is cause for concern, seeing that they share a child. However, keep an eye out for other inconsistencies.

Answer 2

I am a strong believer in privacy - yes, even in marriage. While I don't "hide" anything from my husband, and don't believe for a second he "hides" anything from me, the question of exchanging passwords and such would never even come up between the two of us. The only passwords we share is for something of a "joint" nature, like our bank accounts. Our e-mail and phone passowrds are private, we have two separate computers, and it would never occur to either one of us to be snooping around in each other's stuff. I realize that different people have different ideas of how much privacy is "enough" or "too much"; my husband and I have no disagreement on the level of privacy we both enjoy in our marriage. In your particular case, I would have to side with your husband; to me, this kind of snooping would be unacceptable. Lack of trust is best addressed by constructive communication, not by snooping and violating the other person's privacy. For the record, I talk to my former spouse, and sometimes our conversation may run long - but hell, I've known the guy for 10+ years, so, we have something to talk about, big deal. My husband has no problem with it, he knows where my priorities are, I don't think he doubts for a second that I'm fiercely loyal to him. Unless your husband gives you other reasons to mistrust him - I would look into, and address, your own insecurities first.

Answer 3

You are paranoid. If you wanted a man without baggage you should have married a single man. When a person comes into a relationship with kids responsibilities are shared between the former couples in many instances. By keeping things separate your husband is shielding you from his ex, not vice versa. You sound like a very self center and controlling brat. I'd likely talk to my ex about you too cuz you sound like you'd be a b*tch to live with..

Answer 4

I think he shouldnt hide anything from you. Unless he is a spy, cia or fbi. I dont think you should be concerned about his conversations with is ex spouse, as they have a kid, and i think they must discuss somethings, but 2 hours is over the top. Have a serious conversation with him, and tell him that you never gave him any reason to hide things from you. IF you are a jealous person, or a bit nosy he might be concerned that you know his ''secrets'', but talk to him and be honest, and everything will be alright x

Answer 5

If he has a former spouse and they share a child, to be honest with you, the more you nag him about it, the worse it will get. We all need some privacy and he is married to you after all. Let him have his own business and work on your marriage regardless of his past. Him and his ex will always be linked since there is a child in the picture, so let them sort out their affairs on their own, they are divorced and you have nothing to worry about. Focus on your own life. No need to pry into his issues.

Answer 6

There should never be secrets or private accounts in any relation. As for privacy, I'll never look in my wife's purse and she wouldn't think of looking in my wallet. there's never been a rule about it , and We both know we can, but we don't out of respect and trust. Trust being the word here. We all need our "Space" as they say. But our space shouldn't include private Phones and Bank accounts.

Answer 7

My husband and I both have separate e-mail accounts, phone accounts, even PINs on our bank cards. In doing that, though, we are open about who calls, e-mails, and how much money we spend. If he has a child with his ex, then he has to talk to her. I have a 5 year old, and often talk to my ex about her. I called to tell him something about our daughter one day, and ended up having an hour long conversation with him, as we are friends for our daughter's sake. My husband knows this and understands. My husband often talks to people he knew before we got together, and that's okay with me.

If you don't trust him, don't be with him. But keep your eyes open anyway.

Answer 8

e and my wife have our seperate accounts that neither have access too. Everyone needs a lil space and it doesnt really mean anyone is hiding anything from anyone. I know my wife goes off to email her friends for xample if we have had a tif or something I wouldnt worry and I really wouldnt pry.

Answer 9

Being a couple should complete, not replace, your individuality. Everyone should have the right to some privacy. If you don't trust him, dump him. If you do trust him let it go. Let him know you are concerned and maybe he'll open up more. Try to share in the life of his daughter and you may find he will welcome you in.

Answer 10

No, I am the same way... an open book when it come to my things. I see it as if you are trying to keep things private then you are defiantely hiding something. A marriage is supposed to be OPEN in all aspects and I believe if they keep things private, especially things like that, then he is defiantely hiding something!!