I'v been married almost 3 years. We've had 4 miscarriages and my personality has changed due to all the hormones. I am very emotional and suffering from post partum depression. I also have a hard time controlling my anger. I think it's getting better. The last time I got angry in December my husband told me he felt like he was falling out of love with me. Then I got angry again on Monday over something related to my last miscarriage. I took it out on my husband because he said one snide remark, and I apologized for yelling at him and getting emotional but since then he's been cold, hasn't kissed me goodnight, never phones me from work anymore just to say hi, and cancelled our dinner plans this weekend because he wants to work instead. I don't want to rock the boat anymore, so should I just wait and see if his feelings will come back.
Does anyone else stay with someone that they aren't sure theyre in love with anymore? I still really love him, but I don't think he feels the same.
2007-01-25 05:36:03 · 17 answers · asked by stripedbook 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well--you need to realize that there are consequences to your behavior --You can't keep yelling and throwing tantrums and then say sorry and expect everything to be okay every time--You are really going to have to work on your anger and at how you express your frustration--Your husband probably does not believe your apologies anymore--If you keep apologizing and then doing the same thing it is really meaningless--You will have to SHOW him that you are changing--not just TALK about how sorry you are..that means--considering his emotional state of mind as well as your own..
and actually I am also wondering--when you say--since then--he never does this and that..are you sure you are not exagerrating--how long has he been acting like this--a few days--months, years..it makes a big difference--if it's just a few weeks--then you can change things--but your attitude is revealing--you acted badly and apologized and now you are again focusing on your feelings--how bad you feel about his reaction--that's part of the problem--why don't you let him be mad at you?--because you did act meanly--just keep trying to reach out to him--
If he is really angry and doesn't get over it--this is about more than your argument...
Talk to your doctor about your hormones--see a therapist--and maybe go in for marriage counseling--take care of yourself and this will help you take care of your marriage...
Good Luck
2007-01-25 05:51:00 · answer #1 · answered by Shay 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, you guys have certainly had alot of deal with in a very short time. I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. I had 1 miscarriage, I can't imagine having 4, you have my deepest sympathies.
You guys need counseling, you're in trouble, and you know you're in trouble. You've been under an inordinate amount of stress--I'd imagine you've also been going through infertility treatments, which are definite marriage killers in many different ways. So I would definitely bring that up with him.
In the meantime, talk to your doctors about the symptoms you've been experiencing. Maybe give the whole pregnancy thing a break while your life is in such turmoil. You don't want to bring a child into the world togther if you're not sure about how you feel about each other. You also sound like you could be suffering from depression, and that can take an enormous toll on a marriage as well. Get treatment for that.
Also, don't wait for him to kiss you goodnight, you kiss him goodnight! Call him during the day at work, not to talk long, but just to tell him you're thinking about him, and you love him. If he's working this weekend, take a picnic dinner to him at his office--let him know this in advance so that you don't interrupt him in the middle of something important. Marriage takes work, plain and simple. It's like a plant, you can't just set it on the windowsill and expect it to grow, it needs water, food and love in order to bloom.
2007-01-25 05:48:22 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have experienced alot of emotional pain and that your struggling. I think it would be extremely beneficial for you to start counseling. I would recommend counseling for the both of you but I'm not sure if he would agree. At this point you have to focus on what is going on with you. The depression, anger and animosity may be situational or perhaps you may need to be prescibed something. I don't think that medication is a "cure all" but in some situations it helps eliminate some of the emotions that you struggling with. We don't have the power to control anyone or any situation. You cannot force someone to love you unless they want too. The only thing you can do is take of yourself right now and that may or may not help the relationship. Nonetheless, that cannot be the motivating factor in seeking help. The most important relationship in your life right now needs to be with you. This may help your husband too. Remember what the "Serenity Prayer" says. If not look it up.
2007-01-25 06:02:19 · answer #3 · answered by Michele M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to see your OB GYN, get some medication for your post partum. Your going to lose your husband if you keep up the way your doing . The reason he probably doesn't do the husband things is because you jump down his throat every time he says something a little off tune. Put yourself in his place, he can't help that you have had 4 miscarriages and you taking it all out on him and trying blame your actions on him not yourself.
When he comes home tonight be dressed real nice, have your hair fixed like he likes it and sit him down and tell him your sorry that you have been acting the way you have and don't bring up because I lost our babies. Just kiss him and lead into the bedroom and give the best loving you have in you. You say you love him show him how much you love him, tell him how much you love him, if you still stand a chance , he'll come around.
2007-01-25 05:52:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't always advise marriage counseling b/c I believe that it won't work most of the time b/c "both"! parties are not wanting the marriage to work, but you two have been through allot...four miscarriages can cause enough stress for divorce. You have to remember that he is going through that hurt and pain of the miscarriages also. You need to be there for each other. Try telling him exactly how you feel without holding anything back. Honesty is the most important thing in a marriage. If you open up to him he may open up to you and you get more of a feel on his true feeling for you.
2007-01-25 05:52:14 · answer #5 · answered by simple_man 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I don't know of too many men that would stay with a woman that cuts them off at the knees (or even a little higher) at the drop of a hat. People don't walk around on eggshells too long before they start looking for escape hatches, be it the office, bars, other women, or ultimately divorce.
It's obvious that you are aware that you have been affected by numerous negative life experiences, but it's not the experiences that are making you behave nastily towards your husband. Ask yourself if these same negative experiences are making you act just as hostile towards your parents, other members of your family, your minister, etc. (get the picture?). If you can be nice to those folks, you can be nice to your husband. Yes, it's difficult, but it's a matter of control, and you will probably need support therapy for yourself to learn methods to apply at times when you want to attack him.
You will find that when you revert back to the loving woman he married, he will change. You have all of the control in this situation. You can be the kind of person he wants to come home to or you can push him towards a divorce.
2007-01-25 05:54:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really feel for you and I am so sorry for all the loss you have had to go through. I am going through a similar situation right now too. I know from previous stressful times my husband and I have gone through in the past that he tends to "pull away" when things get hard instead of comming together with me as a team. It tends to make me feel really sad and alone and I continually question whether he still loves me or not. I think a lot of men deal with stress the same way. They have a hard time dealing with emotions especially womens emotions which can be much more unpredictable to them. It sounds like he is pulling away not because he doesn't love you but because he doesn't know how to protect and "fix" you. I am sure it is really difficult and frustrating for him to see you in so much pain. Men feel it is there duty to "fix" things. He is probably dealing with a lot of emotions inside himself too. During times like these I just try to give my husband as much time and space as he needs and I try to get my emotional support from friends and family. With all you two have been through it might be a while until you both can begin to feel "normal" again. Trust me you must be patient with him as well as yourself. A book that really helped me understand men a lot better is "Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus" If you havn't read it yet it might help. Good luck and know that you are not alone.
2007-01-25 06:02:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him and communicate your feelings to him and listen to what he has to say back to you.... you will need help and counseling for you and your feelings and you may also need medical attention and medicine for it to try to get back on track with your feelings and emotions... I can really feel for you in this situation and you have been through alot with your body and so has your husband... See if he is open to marriage counseling with you... He may want to work because he cant handle things right now the way they are and it is probably very hard on him with what has happened as well... Ask your husband if he still loves you and if he still wants you and this marriage? See what he has to say.... I am here if you need to talk and here comes lots of hugs.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
http://www.marriagebuilders.com
2007-01-25 05:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very delicate situation that needs prayer. Love is the one thing that binds all things together. You two were bound in marriage because of love, and the part most people forget, is life isn't a bowl of cherries, and rough times will come. Sometimes it seems like are heads are barely above the water. We need people to help us out, especially our spouses. The divorce rate is above 60% in America, and that is appalling. I can't begin to say how sorry I am that you have had those miscarriages, and it seems like your whole world is crashing down on you. Let me say this, God is there, and is ready to love and help you out. God's love for you is abounding, like a cup under a waterfall, it is never ending. With all that is going on, you wonder if there is a God, and why times are so rough. God is waiting for you to go to Him, and ask Him for help. Either go to church, or read the bible (start in the book of John), you will find all answers in God, He is the answer to the questions you have, and the cure for everything wrong.
2007-01-25 05:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by Light Bringer 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have issues beyond the limits of this site. Seek some professional help- talk with your doctor about the depression, see a counselor or therapist, or speak with a clergy member if so inclined. Whether you stay married or not, get help. Life is meant to be more fun than what you're experiencing.
2007-01-25 05:45:08 · answer #10 · answered by SA Writer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋