Married Women answer this question for me please?

Question

My wife and I were totally in love and for the past 6 months, she’s separated from me for a month, come back, demanded everything, has told me often our marriage is awful, then is very sweet to me for some time, goes back to saying our marriage is doomed, works later during the day sometimes, when I came back from a business trip decided to put some wash in (only the bed sheets) when I got home all the while telling me that I said I didn’t miss her, says she still loves me but is indifferent about the marriage, says if I don’t have a kid with her like I promised then she’s wasting her life, doesn’t want to spend any time with me when I ask her to, says she feels trapped, and is depressed a lot. I think I know what’s going on but I’ll leave it to the women here to tell me what you think is going on?

Answer 1

Sounds like she needs therapy... don't even think about having a kid right now.

Answer 2

She loves you but is indifferent about the marriage. It sounds like she wants the benefits of your friendship, but she is tired of the committment.

My husband and I have gone through this, only from his end. He wanted the kids now. He didnt want to be an 'old dad'. I gave in, and he was in no way or shape ready for that. It only escalated the problems, and due to some birth defects our children had and my need to be a 24/7 nursemaid, it only made things very stressful.
Your wife obviously wants a child, but she is not showing much maturity in the situation. The two of you should get counseling, she needs independent counseling if she is feeling trapped, children will only make it more difficult. She needs to figure out who she is, and what is important in her life. Then the two of you also need to figure out what is important and how you will achieve those things. Until then, babies are not a great idea from my perspective.
If she says the marriage is doomed, there is a reason, and that reason needs to be explored. Is it you? is it her? is it the communication? is it unrealistic expecatations she knows you can not meet or ones you know she can not meet.
Best of luck. Get some good counseling while you still have time.

Answer 3

Is it possible that your wife is bipolar, sounds like she has all the ingredients!! This behavior is not acceptable and she should seek therapy. I am not sure how you treat her, as you did not mention that in your question - however, I am going to assume you bend over backwards for her since you are seeking answers. I would, as kindly as possible, suggest that she (or both of you) seek counseling immediately. I know you might think she is having an affair due to the sheets incident but, she may be doing little things like that just to MAKE you wonder. And PLEASE do not bring a child into this situation, she is not stable enough right now to handle the massive responsibility of child birth, child care, and loving a child... it would only make the situation get uglier!! Take care and I hope things improve for you, it sure sounds like you deserve it!!!

Answer 4

If she wants a child and you both agreed to that prior to marriage, then you better get busy! Women only have so much time to have a child. After that it's too late for them. If you agreed to be child-free in marriage and now she wants a kid, well, that needs some discussion. How about YOUR behavior? Are you "off" and "on" in your feelings toward her and the marriage?

If you haven't defaulted on the child issue, then it sounds like she could be playing head games with you.

If she really feels "trapped" and "depressed alot", she might want to look into getting some help. It sucks to be depressed and that wastes your life more than anything.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like there is something wrong, but she is unwilling to talk about it. Some people will fester that way, especially if it is something they are embarassed or afraid to talk about. All of the things you say she is doing might be a cry for attention. It sounds like she is bringing up everything except the real problem. I would advise you to sit down and talk calmly and lovingly to her about it. Pick a time when neither of you are preoccupied. Maybe order out dinner from her favorite place and talk about it over dinner and a glass of wine. Tell her you want to know what is really bothering her because you care, and whatever it is you can work on it together because you love her and want to keep things from falling apart. Prepare yourself for the worst possible thing she can say, decide what your reaction would be, and accept it, because loving another person enough to get married means loving enough to feel their needs and pain as your own. She might bring up all of the other little things that you mentioned first, but I believe that if you calmy and patiently talk through each little thing with her - taking as long as you have to take - then you will eventually get to the meat of the problem. Remember, be patient, be empathetic, stay calm, and really be prepared to work with her and come to a solution. If this doesn't help suggest that you both see a counselor. Whatever you do, don't go at this accusingly. Ask her relevant questions to lead the conversation in a positive direction: "Why do you feel that a baby is so important to our relationship?" "What can I do to show you that I truly love and miss you when we are apart?"
You said that she won't spend time with you. If you absolutely cannot get her to sit down and talk to you I would suggest calling her mother, or whichever relative she is closest to and having a talk with them. It may seem a little bizarre at first, but a person who cares about your wife will care about you, too, especially when they see that you love her enough to have the courage to call them about it.

Answer 6

She needs counseling and help for how she is feeling... She is wrong to feel that she is trapped... She chose to marry you so she will and should try to make the best of this. If she is depressed she needs to see a medical doctor for this problem to get help and medication for it... Her hormones may be off as well... She needs a complete physical and blood work done. You really should have a child with her someday as she really wants one and this may help her feel more complete as a woman.... Do you not want to have a child with her? your marriage is not doomed but i do feel that you should give a child to her and to you in this marriage.

Answer 7

1.she's having an affair
2.she is depressed and confused
3.unhappy and fell out of love
i don't know how long you've been married but i would not throw in the towel untill you have at least tried counciling if you have already than i would recommend running as far and fast as possible and babies don't fix marriages in most cases they make it even a little harder so i would not have a baby unless you go to counsiling with sucess. i was divorced once and seem to have a good marriage now it is sometimes diffacult and everyone hits rocky spots but if you can't work it out with a counsler i doubt it would work .. good luck try your best to make it work and if in the end it fails you'll get over it and most likley be happier in the long run.....i was married for 10 years to my ex the whole time he never had a job (i had two) he played diablo constatly and ended up moving my son (our) and me 1000 miles away from home (he said he was sick of snow) because he met some lady online and wanted to get to know hwr better he divorced me because of her but it didn't work out for them (boo hoo) .now i am stuck in the shittest town in america because i agreed to joint custuody be at least it doesn't snow and soon enough i can move when my son is old enough in about 6 years so cover that thing with a condom and don't get her pregnant it will make things worse the best of luck to you

Answer 8

I have to tell you, this does not look good. Sit her down and ask her if she would go to marriage counselling with you to work out your issues. She seems confused and you can't live your life on an emotional roller-coaster, it's draining. If you tried a while with counselling and it does not get any better, I suggest you contact a divorce lawyer, she is not entitled to everything, especially if you don't have kids, and by the look and sound of things you probably shouldn't have them, till your marriage is stable.

Answer 9

There is something missing in her life...for me I feel the same way because my husband will not Dom me like I want, so I get depressed allot and moody and threaten divorce often! Try a little something different in the bedroom once....ask her if she would like to be blindfolded, go from there... ;) just a thought...hope it helps. I am absolutely sure there is nothing mentally wrong with her!! I may be wrong, but I doubt it very much. Does she show submissive tendencies? Keep an eye out for it, maybe rent Secretary, the movie, see what she says about it. Try this out. ;)

Answer 10

I'm a little confused on the feeling trapped and wanting a baby. Usually having a baby would make you feel that way if you're in a marriage that you're currently not happy with. I wouldn't jump to conclusions about anything just yet.

Answer 11

Having a child will not make a relationship better. You say that she is depressed? Is she on regular medication? I don't know what kind of advice to give you except do you want to be with her? She is giving you mixed signals and saying a child will make it all better. A child will not make it better. Get some couples therapy if she is willing to go. If she isn't willing to couples therapy then I really question why she is in this relationship. I wish you the best of luck! :)