We had a date coming up in 5 moths but I want to wait to see if I really want to marry him, if it were up to him, we would've been married a long time ago. I love him but we are working out some issues. I really don't want to get married soon how do I tell him?
2007-01-25 05:19:04 · 18 answers · asked by nicensweet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It has nothing to do with sleeping with anyone else, I am monogamous.
2007-01-25 05:23:29 · update #1
If you have doubts, do not get married. My wife and I had a bunch of issues and should have posponed the wedding, but didn't. Now we've had a horrible marriage for a year and a half and I've moved out...
There must be warning signs for you to put this off...don't ignore them like I did!
2007-01-25 05:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a serious commitment. I think you should tell him that it would be unfair to him to be married before you have worked out these issues. Getting married before the issues have been worked out will only open the door for problems down the road. You could also tell him that you are nervous and want to make sure that you are both not rushing into marriage since you will have the rest of your lives together. What if you kept your wedding date and the issues were not resolved, and you were standing at the altar? Then all of a sudden, when you are asked if you take him to be your husband, you realize you really weren't ready yet and you said "no". That would crush your fiance and embarrass him terribly. It's REALLY important you get the issues worked out before you get married. I am speaking from experience here. My fiance also had issues he was dealing with. We had set a tentative month that we wanted to be married in, but hadn't set the date yet. We decided to postpone getting married until these issues were settled for him. It was a wise decision. Now he feels very secure about marrying me and I know I can trust him to WANT to be married to me because he is at peace with the issues he had. We plan to get married within the next couple of months but have not set a date yet. The only reason for that is because I have some things I want to get taken care of before we set the date. Still, having been married and divorced before, I can tell you that it is VERY important that you help your fiance to see that postponing your wedding doesn't mean you don't love him - it means you love him enough to want to do all you can to ensure that your marriage will last when you DO take those wedding vows. Best of luck to you both!
2007-01-25 13:28:29 · answer #2 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind this is just my opinion...
1. If you need pre-marriage counseling, what does that say for your future "marriage"?
2. If you're unsure in the least bit about marrying this man, then don't. Plain and simple. I'm sure he'd agree that he'd rather suffer a broken heart before the wedding than afterwards.
3. If you have "issues" with this person, I'd suggest calling off the engagement until they are resolved and you're sure you want to marry this person. Cause I can assure you, they're not going to change just because they have a ring on their finger and a certificate that says Marriage License.
Just tell him. Be blunt and honest to the point of brutality if that's what it takes, but If you love this person as you say you do, then he deserves to know the truth about how you feel. Don't sugar coat the words, but don't be malicious in the delivery either. Just be honest and express to him how you feel and why you feel that way.
2007-01-25 13:38:53 · answer #3 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you want to get married? If the thought of marrying this guy makes you keep putting the day off, your gut is trying to tell you something. Maybe your not so sure you want to be with him or it could even be that you need more time to be just engaged (nothing wrong with a llllooonnngg engagement). But you have to be honest with yourself first. Really take some time and think about what is best for you. Don't let anyone tell you differently, this is your life!
Take care!
2007-01-25 13:24:18 · answer #4 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prepare him a beautiful meal - dinner with an awesome dessert and after you eat tell him you love him so much you prepared this meal for him, but you would like to tell him that you really want to wait a bit before getting married maybe a couple more months, tell him its not a big deal you just want to wait.
Unfortunately you will have to tell him why and you can talk about your issues but be ready to.
Be sure to reassure him a lot, he is a man, and will get really insecure after you tell him this
2007-01-25 13:42:20 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make an appointment to have some premarital counseling. Talk it out with a marriage counselor. See how you feel after you work through:
Compatibility
· Expectations
· Personalities and families-of-origin
· Communication
· Conflict resolution
· Intimacy and sexuality
· Long-term goals
2007-01-25 13:24:11 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This means you are not ready, nothing wrong with admitting that. Better to deal with things now than to wait till after you are married. It will be hard but you definately need to talk to him about it. Even if he gets very upset that's better than not dealing with this important issue, and any other things that need to be dealt with.
2007-01-25 13:25:52 · answer #7 · answered by freebird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Extend the date out a ways while you work on the issues. Don't feel forced. Marriage is for always.
2007-01-25 13:51:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean, "how do I tell him?" It doesn't matter how you tell him - you just have to do it, and do it soon!
P.S. If you've known him for a long time and you're still not sure you want to marry him, you probably DON'T. Let him off the hook so he can find somebody who DOES.
2007-01-25 13:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by kcbranaghsgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your not really ready to get married. It's best you say something now b4 you ruin both of your lives. There is no easy way to tell him but you need to do it.
2007-01-25 13:27:44 · answer #10 · answered by momseekinganswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋