Not complaining but........................?

Question

My husband wanted an open marriage and I resisted at first. He even said that I could be with other men if I wanted. At first I thought that what he was saying was that he didn't love me yet all his other behaviours pointed to a very loving husband and father. This became a huge issue between us and he left for 9 months over the fact that I wouldn't give in. As soon as I slept with another man he wanted to move back home and he did after almost another month. His only condition was that if I wanted him to stay that I would have to agree to an open marriage. I agreed and I guess you could call us swingers now. Our marriage is good, the honesty is back and the entire family feels right, we have 3 children. My problem is that now my sex drive is through the roof and his is going away ..... I'm 36 and he's 52. He assures me all the time that it's okay but I feel bad when I'm going out and having sex and he isn't. What can I do to help him with this?

Answer 1

He wanted the open marriage so bad, so go get what you need elsewhere!!!

Answer 2

The most important thing here is whether you feel guilty. It was his idea originally to do this, so as long as you're ok with it then that's all that matters. If, however, you feel bad having sex with other men, then regardless of how high your sex drive is, it isn't going to work out because of the guilt. At least you know that you're husband is ok with it, that's half the battle right there. And don't feel bad that he isn't going out and having sex - if he wanted to he would! Obviously his sex drive isn't there, so it's not because he doesn't believe in it or doesn't have the opportunity - he simply isn't up for it. You have your husband's approval, so i say go for it :)

Answer 3

Asking a non-swinger about swinging or an open relationship is like asking someone who has never sky dived about sky diving, and worse yet their afraid of heights. All your going to get is opinions based on personal biases, insecurities, and fears, rather than real, honest, and helpful information from those that have been there.

Please, check-out The Swingers Board at http://www.swingersboard.com and ask this same question in the forums. You'll get real advice from real people that have been in your shoes.

Answer 4

See if your sex drive can focus on him more in a traditional sense. At 36 your sex drive should go through the roof. For some reason when I was 52, mine was also going through the roof as well. He tells you it's OK, but you sincerely care about him. I would talk to him some more to ease your feelings.

Answer 5

Lemme guess, after you have had sex with another man, your husband asks you to tell him all the details? If this is the case, your marriage is going to suffer a slow death. Let me know if that is what he is doing. Thx

Answer 6

Open marriage, never heard of it, does it mean you and
him are married for real and if that is the case then open
marriage does not exist as there is only marriage,
if you and him want to do what you want to do then you
both need to get divorced and live togeather, then you
and him can do what you want to do without feeling gulity..

Answer 7

Put the energy back into your marriage and don't go outside the marriage for sex. You are taking sexual energy away from the marriage when you sleep with other people. Pretty simple.

Answer 8

Not much he can do other than exercise, weight loss & Viagra...
Not often that swingers can keep a marriage together very long.

Answer 9

SHOULD IT MATTER? IT WAS HIS SUGGESTION TO BEGIN WITH! IF HE CAN'T KEEP UP, I WOULDN'T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.

IF YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HAD SUGGESTED IT TO BEGIN WITH, THEN I MIGHT FEEL BAD. BUT YOU SAID IT WAS HIS IDEA AND HE INSISTED. SO I GUESS KARMA DID COME BACK TO BITE HIS A$$....

THAT'S HILARIOUS!!!!!

Answer 10

Let him figure it out himself. He has asked a lot of you already, let him worry about himself.