Im at a crossroads where Im not sure what I want. I wanted a loving marriage and was willing to do whatever, including accepting that he was going out with other women. I could justify it because our child was very sick and he 'needed that'. His parents were supportive of him. so for years I took care of the child while he was there sometimes, and gone others. Hi last fling happened when I thought things were good and our daughter was well.
Now he asks what I want. Well, I really dont know. I have a beautiful home, land and activities he pays for me to do. But what I really want is him. I dont want him doing activities he has done with exgfs but I feel like Im being 'controlling' when I say I dont want him to go. I would like to do things with him, but Im scared. I would also like to be on my own, but at the same time I gave up a career and financial stability to care for our child. I dont want to be taking min wage in an apartment for my retirement.
2007-01-25 05:03:06 · 10 answers · asked by whoknowsanymore 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what would make you happy? answer that and you will know what you want
2007-01-25 05:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what, it sounds like you know exactly what you want, the problem is how do you get there?
You need to set up a plan and figure out (in detail) what it is and the certain steps to follow.
According to what you wrote this what i understand:
As a child you wanted to live the fantasy, the big white wedding, the cute kids, being a house wife, the dog etc. All of a sudden reality kicked in and you realized that it really isnt a wonderful life and you are unhappy. You ended up giving up too much and now you are just lost.
Well, I can try to help you, the only thing is that I dont know how old you are and your financial securities. I dont mean tell me how much you make or have, tell me how dependable you are on your husband and how much work experience you have. Feel free to email me with questions.
2007-01-25 13:18:37 · answer #2 · answered by TroubleRose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I stopped reading after the first sentence.
If you are in a loving marriage, the ****** doesn't take off with other women. So that is the problem right there.
You know what you want. Right now, it sounds like you don't have it. You may need to search for that right person, even if it is late, it will be worth it in the long run.
Don't make the mistake of living a life of distraught and desperation. Life is too short and it will make you a bitter person in the end.
2007-01-25 13:09:44 · answer #3 · answered by khanofali 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Like you I wanted a home and stable marriage, I stayed home (not by choice, he refused to let me work but I loved the girls too much to really want to be away from them) took care of all of them, had a nice place to come home to every night was there 24/7 for them. After 20 years I got tired of his cheating and running the bars, I wanted a stable marriage and home, I have a loving fiance that gives me what I want, and I also have a great career included. I divorced in "98" and have been with my fiance for 4 years now.
2007-01-25 13:18:00 · answer #4 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. It must be a tough situation. I always hate to hear that people are settling for less than they deserve. Is there any way you could (may be part time) try getting back into your field? I think if you feel that you are more financially secure on your own you will feel stronger about what you are willing to put up with in your marriage. Also, see a professional. You need help with all this, why do it on your own?
2007-01-25 13:16:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you wouldn't be controlling if you told you husband that you wanted him to stay with you. Secondly, I can't believe ;you would tell him that would be okay in the first place even if your child was sick. That's no excuse! A good family sticks together! And it's his child too right?He should have been there to help out. If you tell him that you want him to stay and he doesn't, then leave him. He can pay for child support and spousal support since you have not been working. It will all be ok!
2007-01-25 13:13:10 · answer #6 · answered by coolsherah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a pretty good life. Why would you want to rattle the cage and create problems?
In the end you'll be much less happy if you push this issue.
Just let him go out with the other girls. It's never bothered you before, so it's kind of unfair to ask him to just stop out of the blue because you changed your mind. That's very selfish. He provides you with a lot, and you need to give him some freedom to enjoy himself in return.
2007-01-25 13:09:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow, what a great example of a smart strong woman your setting for your child! you're used to getting walked all over, totally insecure, unsure if you can even function alone. that's' you deal with it, now just dont' screw your son over by exposing him to this b u l l s h i t, and pretty much telling him it's ok for men to treat you like this as long as they pay the bills. i feel so sorry for you son... and then you'll wonder why he treas women like s h i t. great example mom, keep up the good work...
2007-01-25 13:09:26 · answer #8 · answered by Tacyella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should attend a few meetings of Al anon, sit down, listen to others talk and LISTEN. Al anon is not just about drinking and drug use, what do you have to loose?
2007-01-25 13:19:20 · answer #9 · answered by gamerunner2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I already know what I want, my goal is to reach it.
2007-01-25 13:16:23 · answer #10 · answered by strange-artist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋