do you mean like to be able to just be you and socialize and be yourself and not be judged or accused of looking for a boyfriend or being able to go out with the girls with out your spouse feeling insecure about it all .LOVE your SPOUSE but feel like control and insecurities are leading to divorce. I am lost myself
2007-01-25 04:58:36
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answer #1
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answered by marlena 1
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I have no idea who I am anymore. Before anyone tells me to shutup and quite whinning about it .. I have to give a little background. I met my husband when I was 15 and got pregnant at 17.. I'm now 35.. Anyhoo, I am not the person he married. My identity was been wrapped up in who HE wanted me to be. I do not feel that I can be myself around him. He is so judgemental and cares only about appearences. He is not accepting of anything except for things that go along with what he thinks is the right way.. So yes.. I did lose myself..and now Im fighting for my own identity
2007-01-25 12:47:34
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answer #2
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answered by SF49erGirl 1
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This is what happens when you build your world around the other person. You have to save some for yourself, or this will keep on happening to you. You have to find you and that doesn't mean that you don't love him any less. It means that you are taking care of you. And that is what marriage is about, two people. Yes, two people. Do things that you like to do. If you have been married for a long time, then this will take time to undo. It didn't happen over night and it won't be cured over night. A little bit at a time regain your self image.
2007-01-25 12:50:32
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answer #3
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answered by docie555@yahoo.com 5
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Ok - the first marriage ... yes I have to agree - I totally lost myself .. I was a completely different person - did everything that he wanted - gave 100% of my self to him ... for nothing in return ... just more comments about how I'd be better if I did things this way or that way ( HIS WAY ) ... I moved away from my family - tried to be happy - tried to change for our family's sake but I couldn't take it anymore - I was so sad I can't even look at old pictures of me - with Air Force Ones ... and bling bling in my mouth ... lol ... what the hell was I thinking ... I woke up when I went home to visit and never went back ... I found the perfect man here in my home town - he loves everything I love and he wants everything I want in life ... I never knew falling in love with somebody that loves who YOU are and for everything you stand for ... could be so much fun .. I can't wait to get married to him - I know in my heart this is the way love & marriage is suppose to be ... I can be myself around him 24/7 ... it's so much easier than trying to be something you're not ... !
2007-01-25 13:19:45
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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You're 35 now, clearly a more mature and stronger person than when you met him at 15. Focus on the positives - you ARE a different, BETTER person! And use that knowledge to find peace for yourself. Good luck! (And you might also want to read up on the wealth of literature out there on co-dependent relationships and how to deal with them)
2007-01-25 12:51:05
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answer #5
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answered by noodlemcgoo 1
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No, but I have felt that way in a relationship before, and it's not a good thing: you may have compromised so much and made your life center around making your parnter happy to the point that you lost yourself. That sucks. You need to do things you like to do, you need to take care of yourself and your own needs sometimes too.
2007-01-25 13:08:43
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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I was not married, but felt that way when I was engaged. I made the mistake of giving up everything I enjoyed to do what he wanted to do and to become the person he wanted me to be. BIG mistake! I broke it off, and now 7 years later have rediscovered who I am.
I have always been willing to compromise in a realtionship, but so far, the guys I meet are not interested in compromise...
Maybe my life is too exciting for them to take-lol!!!
But I will never completely give up who I am for someone again.
2007-01-25 13:07:12
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answer #7
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answered by sweetsouth 3
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I did, I had become a mean and hateful person. Now that we are divorced, I am much happier and feel so much more like myself again.
2007-01-25 12:45:16
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answer #8
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answered by Marcie E 5
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I have not experienced this and have been married for 20 years---ppl need to have their own identities and do things just for them------we should never lose ourselves in a relationship-----good luck
2007-01-25 12:46:31
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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OMG yes! I was in a long term relationship where she was always trying to change things about me. I was never going to be good enough......... lucky for me she pushed me away.
No person is worth giving up who you really are.
2007-01-25 12:54:20
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answer #10
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answered by open_phunguy 3
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