I am 23 & moved in with my grandma 10 years ago after my grandpa died. Every time I go out with my friends or my boyfriend, she lays on the guilt trip. She is elderly and has a hard time getting around. My parents stay with her while I go out, but I feel like it's my responsibility to take care of her. She thinks I can't afford to live on my own but I can. If something were to happen to her, I'd feel like it was my fault. She becomes angry when I do things that don't involve her. She has done alot for me when I was growing up & she thinks I should repay her now. I love her and want to take care of her, but I want to live my own life, too. I don't think I'm being selfish. This is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
2007-01-25 04:36:05 · 8 answers · asked by Melissa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What do your parents think about you having your own life? How do they feel about you finding your own place? Maybe it is time to sit down and talk to them and see what you can do and how they can help you more with your grandma.
Don't worry about your boyfriend, he should understand. You only have one grandma (or two, if you are lucky).
2007-01-25 04:42:34 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever discussed with your parents having grandma go to an "assisted living" facility? Not a nursing home, they are places that have rooms and even apartments for elderly who can still get around, still do things on their own but need help from time to time. They have activities for the seniors such as bus trips to casnios, resorts, sight seeing tours. There are classes the seniors can take, everything from line dancing to basketweaving. Some places even allow/encourage pets. At least this way when you go visit with her it will be a pleasant expierence and you won't feel like you have to take care of her, you are right in that you are entitled to have a life of your own and your parents should not be placing the burden of taking care of grandma on your shoulders.
2007-01-25 04:48:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
True family love doesn’t involving making you feel guilty and basically wanted to be repaid for taking care of you. Don’t feel guilty about it. Still go out with your boyfriend, but your grandmothers safety perhaps invest in one of those life necklaces so if something should happen while you are out she can call for help easily. If you can live on your own make it a point to tell her that. And if she cant respect that you stay with her instead of moving out and away from her, maybe you should do just that. Move out.
2007-01-25 04:44:58 · answer #3 · answered by prettyblueeyes101010 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She did a lot of things for your parents too why arent they living with her?
Discuss it with your parents. Tell them you love your grandmother and it is time for you to go on.
My friend also did this sitiuation. She even moved her bf in. Which was way too far. In the end they had to leave - it was just too hard and stressful to have a life and take care of grandmas every little command
She is lonely and maybe her children can all take turns hanging out with her and pitch in for a sitter.
It is not your fault, you have a life and maybe she needs to find some people her age to hang out with. Find some activities for her if you do move out.
2007-01-25 04:44:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off I'm proud of you trying to help out your grandmother. Treat her like your equal--example like a friend not an elderly woman. I mean, have you ever heard you are what you eat? Well you are what you feel too. If you share your thoughts and dream with you grandmother, she will respect you and she may surprise you with some insight as well. Don't forget she was once young and care free. You may even make her feel young and give her heads up on why your with her, let her know it's not because you have to be there BUT because you want to be with her, however she lived her youth already and now its your turn. Show her respect and she will respect you,
2007-01-25 05:06:38 · answer #5 · answered by lisa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't feel guilty knowing you made sure someone was there to care for her. You have got to have a life too and sometime soon you may even decide to get your own place so grandma will have to get used to that idea. There are some agencies for elderly people where they even come to their homes to help with things. You've got to have a life and don't feel guilty for wanting one. ;o)
2007-01-25 04:45:34 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are NOT being selfish, SHE is. Do not waste your life on these guilt trips. She should be ashamed of herself for doing this to you. I've seen people literally RUIN their lives with these selfish, unreal "promises". Move out..and get her the in-home help she needs from whoever it is in your area that provides it. You don't have to be mean about it, but just because her life is over, doesn't mean she has the right to ruin yours. Just visit.
2007-01-25 04:43:58 · answer #7 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can your boyfriend move in with you, also?
2007-01-25 04:40:58 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋