should i stay married if my wife is not in love with me but says she loves me.it makes no sense to me .?

Question

its so hard when your wife does not show affection towards you and tells you shes attracted to you but not sexually sex means nothing to her but im her man and i know she is not cheating but im so frustrated what do i do

Answer 1

Seek counseling and develop an open line of communication. Why does sex mean nothing to her? Is she going through something? Are you patient and delicate with her? Is she being satisfied or are you just jumping and pumping?

Communication is key. Expectations should be clear. Talk to her and seek an independent professional mediator. Something is wrong and you both need to find out what it is and work through it together.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Wow That sounds like a typical love story:) Your relationship isn't as strange as you may think! Believe it or not every couple will have more sex in the first month, then it will become less gradually, that is completelly normal, some couples then have sex every three days, then gradually every week, and sometimes every month, then it's sometimes frequently and sometimes not so frequently. So don't worry about that! You said you enjoyed the sex with him, so that is a positive thing ( even though it's wrong to have sex before marriage) but basically if the sex is good then the marriage has potential, and you should stay with him as long as he is a kind man gentle a good listener a sharing man and a caring man. If it's like u said that u only need sex from him and not financial support, and that u are working, then i think he should also clean around the house, unless u are happy doing all the chores then thats something very sweet of you, which he should be very greatfull for, I think it's ok for him to be happy that u are cleaning as long as he doesn't take u for granted and as long as he always tells u how much he apreciates u. I think u should definitly go and live with him, just really try to avoid the arguments, I think u would make a great mother, and hopefully ur children will share ur passion for cleaning and u will all live in a nice tidy envoroment:):):):) The love is about friendship, companionship, passion, sex, and sharing money together, and having children, you deserve all that and more:) good luck

Answer 3

You might suggest that she see a doctor maybe she missing something that a doctor can help with. This is hard on both of you because one wants what the other doesn't. If there's any hope for you guys something has to be done. I know it's not all about sex but we do need to feel love and affection in our life's. If she's not cheating on you, you will cheat on her some day. It's so very hard to really grow within a relationship when both involved in the relationship aren't in love. Loving somebody and being in love with sombody are so different. You guys will drift apart as time goes on. I've been there and it's not easy infact it down right hurts.

Answer 4

There is a huge difference in "being in love" and "loving" someone. To me, this is the normal process in any marriage. Like the old rhyme...first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes _____ pushing a baby carriage. Well, first comes lust, then comes love then comes an ever-lasting relationship. My parents have been married 53 years, they had 5 kids, both had jobs they retired from and today, due to medical problems in their health, do not have a sexual relationship, but are still very much in love with one another...I know this personally because I took my Mom out of the country to visit my daughter and family and while overseas she had an accident which hospitalized her for 3 days, while recuperating she cried every day praying that if God seen fit to let her go back home again she would never leave my Father again, she was heartbroken to think her one and only love would not be by her side if she was to parish. That was 3 years ago and she might go overnight on a visit but unless he's willing to go too, she won't leave for any longer

Answer 5

You are going to have to decide if you are willing to live this way for the rest of your life. Can you see yourself tolerating this for the next 5 years? 10 years? If not, consider moving on.
Even though your wife says she loves you, she's not giving you what you need and deserve. The longer you wait, the harder it is going to be to make a change.
I got a divorce after 20 years (I was only 40 at the time) and my cousin (75 at the time) said she envied me. She said she wished she would have had the guts to leave her loveless marriage. She spent the majority of her marriage trying to make someone love her and it never happened.
Life is short. It should bring you more happiness than misery but it doesn't happen unless you make some painful choices. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well first, I'd separate out love and sex. They are not the same thing. That said, if she's not having sex with you, that is a marriage-breaker. Some of the new psych drugs, paxil, etc., can cause someone's sex drive to disappear completely AND their "give a shiit" about YOUR sexual needs. Nasty drugs, in my opinion. But if it's not those drugs, then I'd say no sex is a major marriage emergency and I'd try counseling.

If the no sex derives from no love, then - same as above. Major marriage emergency, get help. And, you may not save the marriage.

Good luck,

Answer 7

There are several perspectives offered here. Mine is this:
Some of us women loose sexual desire (while still loving our man) because of the intellectual and/or emotional needs not being met. When we feel we're not understood, or are misunderstood, or our feelings aren't respected/valued, or we feel taken for granted, our basic love for our partner may still be alive, but the desire to express it may be draining like a slow leak. If this is the case, the woman is experiencing the beginnings (or more) of depression. Family counseling is your friend. If she won't try it with you, GO ALONE. Walk your talk. If your love for her is something you want to keep and have returned, confer with a professional who can explain the dynamics of relationships and suggest reasonable ways to approach reconciliation. Going on your own will speak volumes about your willingness to be open to her. It could be the turn-on your dreaming of.
(and yes, I'm speaking from experience - I'm single now, so you do the math...)

Answer 8

Love grows and changes throughout a relationship and it's hard to see what is happening before it slaps you in the face. You love her and she says she loves you but is no longer sexually attracted to you. That sounds like a labido problem on her side to me. Sounds like she needs to talk it over with a GYN and maybe the two of you should talk to a councellor and get a little input on how to bring back a little fire. Best of luck, if you both try it will work out.

Answer 9

The ignorant people clogging up thoughtful and helpful answers will tell you "sex isn't everything" or "for better or worse" or "you should try to be an even better spouse" or maybe "you need to talk more". Truth is, your wife doesn't like sex (not much). She married you a man, knowing that she wasn't interested in heterosexual sex. It's almost like she committed a fraud on you.

Tell her, she needs to chose between becoming a complete partner for you, or calling the partnership off.

There's a support group for people like us - SWAGE

Answer 10

Why would you cheat yourself of true love and affection? I would try couseling etc but the bottom line is I cant' imagine living in a loveless relationship. That is why I left my first husband. You deserve those things and if she cant/wont give them to you then you should be freed from this marriage to look for someone who will.
good luck