What are your reasons for staying?

Question

Relationships can be both good and bad, and as many of you may agree, the bad often involves infidelity. For those of you who have been the victim of such undesirable behavior (cheating), if you chose to stay in the relationship what were your reasons? Now, I know that the most popular response will be "because I loved him/her," but do you think that there was more to that? Could it have been due to the false hope that you internailzed in your mind, hoping that your mate would change in an instant? Perhaps you easily dismissed the offense because of some things that you had done in the past (while in a relationship with this person or some one else)? Why did you stay?

Answer 1

It's funny, you always tell yourself "If anyone ever cheated on me, I'd be gone!" and then it happens and you stay. I was with a man for 3 years that cheated and yes part of my staying was I "loved" him, but there was more to it. In some was I felt like I was at fault for not loving him enough, I thought he would change, I thought one mistake I could get past. We fought those entire 3 years, in the back of my mind I always thought of him cheating and he knew it. Guess what happened? He cheated again. There are many different reasons to stay with someone, and plenty of situations turn out alright.

Answer 2

I haven't been through that experience yet, and hope that I never will. It has to be the biggest feeling of betrayal and hurt imaginable. I don't really know what I'd do, but I've thought about it many times when I've heard stories from friends and coworkers. I think it takes a very loving and forgiving person to stay in a relationship with someone who's cheated. How could you ever fully trust them again? I don't know if I'd be strong enough or secure enough to do it. Everyone makes mistakes, right? People can learn from their mistakes and avoid making them again. I think that's what those who forgive a cheater are thinking and hoping. And sometimes it does work out. When you have a lot of love and time invested in a relationship it's worth another try I think. Especially if you love your partner and they treat you well. I just hope I'd be strong enough to overcome something like that.

Answer 3

If children are involved then I may stay just for the sake of them. If no children, then I need to reevaluate our relationship. I need to know if this relationship is worth defending or move on. Some people stay because he/she doesn't way to start over the process of finding mate. However, if we stay for the wrong reason, then the relationship is not worth defending. We also need to take into consideration that we, as human, often make mistakes. Cheating is one of them. But, the frequency and behavior after the fact also need to be considered. There is no one good answer for your question. Listen to your heart.

Answer 4

I was in this situation long ago and stayed too long. I stayed then out of sheer ignorance, feeling that there was something I had done wrong and that I could change him. I learned a number of things from that heartbreaking experience. If it were to happen to me today, staying with him would require a lot of action on his part. He would have to show genuine remorse, not that he was caught or that I was hurt, but that he damaged our relationship. He would have to be very patient and nondefensive with my questions and occassional outbursts about it. He would have to be willing to discuss with me, and possibly a counselor, why it happened and what precipitated it. A man who was evasive or defensive could never win my trust back. A man I was going to stay with would have to bend over backward to earn it back, to make me believe that it was never going to happen again, and to show me that our relationship was too important to him to let it happen again. Many relationships don't survive infidelity. It takes a genuine desire to overcome the issues surrounding it by BOTH partners, and it can take years to undo the damage. If your partner wants to put his infidelity to rest and "let it go" before you're ready, the relationship is doomed.

Answer 5

I stayed because I thought I was being an evolved soul, thinking "it is human to make mistakes", excusing his behavior because he was drunk and rarely drinks~ and he didn't have intercourse so therefore not as bad as it could have been.

I could not forget however, and trusting him again was an impossibility.

I eventually did what I had to do for my own sanity and self, I left. A tremendous weight was immediately lifted off of my shoulders, and I hope to find a good man I can trust someday.

Answer 6

I didn't. For the simple reason thatr there is no circumstance, no excuse or no burden to heavy to carry that would allow me to think less of myself than to settle.
Yes, there is forgiveness, but the real question lies in what is missing in ones-self that would allow for them to seek fullness in another person that cheats. To me not only did your mate cheat you, worse than that.. you cheat yourself.

Answer 7

i think a person's financial situation plays a part most of the time, like one became dependant on the other, or some ppl just got use to getting sex whenever they wanted, they dont want to have to work for it again

Answer 8

i stayed in a really bad relationship for awhile. my psychologist said i was addicted to the relationship and too comfortable to leave. im finally out and so much happier now!

Answer 9

i stayed even tho i wanted to break up for months because we lived togther, and if we broke up he'd have to move the hell out and i didnt wanna kick him to the curb. so i kinda hinted that i didnt wanna live together anymore so hed find his own apartment, then i dumped him. plus he cried the first couple times i tried to break up with him, and i just felt bad.