My wife recently left (4 months ago) and although I am feeling a bit better (when I say better I mean I am functioning...eating, going to the gym, working...etc) I am constantly depressed, don't want to socialize, find myself drifting when I am socializing, and feel as though I am on a different planet than everyone else most the time. I don't find things funny, I don't want to do the things I love. Does this get better or am I in for a long road ahead? I am sooo sick of feeling crappy!!
2007-01-25 04:07:41 · 23 answers · asked by fedup 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes...don't worry. It WILL get better. Remember that it's always more difficult in the beginning. Try not to get down on yourself for the way that you feel. Keep in mind that it is normal, especially since a big part of what your life was, is no longer there. Keep doing what you're doing though. Keep focused on hobbies and tasks, and eventually, you will see that you aren't as upset. You need to give your heart some time to heal.
I went through something similar, and I just focused on improving myself. I started going to the gym. Then one day, I looked in the mirror, and realized that I did a great job, and it helped increase my self esteem, which gave me courage to go out there.
I know you can do it-- just don't lose hope!
Good luck!
2007-01-25 04:15:26 · answer #1 · answered by Pinky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
these are normal feelings after divorce, divorce hurts, and is not easy to get past. everyone else is laughing and enjoying life, but not u. it does take time, depends on how much u loved her, and if u have fully accepted it yet. but at some point after we heal some, we do need to get back out there, and it will involve making ourselves vulnerable again, as we reach out again to find a life. but it's really the only chance to get what we want, but don't be in such a hurry, let the grief process do what it has to, we do get better in time, but we never forget it. makes us a little less trusting, a little more jaded, and more aware of things we never were before. finally one day u will wake up and the pain will have diminished, when u realize it was not your fault, and that u couldn't have done anything to change it. don't dwell in the grief, make yourself go out even if u don't want to. also helps to talk it over with a trusted friend or therapist. divorce rocks our whole world, and we see the world differently, and not exactly the safe wonderful place we use to think it was.
2007-01-25 04:21:58 · answer #2 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello, I can honestly say, from personal experience (I was divorced after 25 years, 4 years ago) that with help from someone who has been in your situation and is able to show you that the world does not end when a relationship dies, you could heal faster. My one saving grace during those horrid months after we divorced, was the fact that all of the things that had always bothered me about my spouse, made me realize that it was a relief not to be subjected to them any longer. On a lighter note, I have since remarried my childhood sweetheart and we are very well suited. Never think that you will not get better. Time does heal all wounds and be fortunate enough to realize that tomorrow is always a mystery and the past is something we can not change. Here's hoping you find happiness and hope at the end of your days of sadness. .. Lyn M. Kane
2007-01-25 04:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by rosylane 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Conditions will improve. Eighteen years ago, I felt the same way. Couldn't work, eat, sleep... nothing interested me in the slightest.
It took me some time but one day I snapped and realized that my worst day today (single) is better than my best day when I was married. Without realizing it, my ex did me the greatest service she could have done by instituting divorce and while she totally thought she was ruining my life, and so did I at the time, she improved it.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually it will become normal, whatever normal is for you.
When things aren't feeling "normal", do something ultra-normal like shaving. It helps. Start doing what needs to be done, even when you don't feel like it (cooking, taking out the trash, vacuuming, work, etc.). Eventually, the love of things you like will come back and most likely you will discover new things you didn't even know you liked.
2007-01-25 04:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by Phil #3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although it is great that you are able to function(eating,gym,work etc.)the road to recovery is a process. The fact that funny things aren't funny, in most social scenarios you are on the outside looking in, and no passion for past interests indicates a loss of identity. The person you were before this happened is feeling lost right now. Friends and family can be biased to talk to sometimes and my advice would be a professional counsel just to get perspective. Also volunteering with those less fortunate than you can help reclaim lost perspective as well. It is also good to remember that people do things because of themselves not others. Take care and enjoy the process!
2007-01-25 04:32:02 · answer #5 · answered by kuytfkhtdt 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey, buddy, get a shoulder to lean on until you're psyche is stabilized. Family Counseling, party of one, please. If your car needed more repair than you're willing/able to perform, wouldn't you go to a mechanic? Or to an MD if a wound was greater than you could manage? Treat yourself to mental health, confer with a therapist/counselor. The insight on the dynamics of depression, relationships, all kinds of issues that might apply to you, can be life-saving . . . or the-quality-of-life-saving.
I suffered an unwanted divorce years ago and I wish I'd known to seek counseling at that time. I kept breaking my own heart by being locked in to the negative stuff surrounding the experience. Best wishes for a light at the end of your tunnel :-)
2007-01-25 04:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so happy, it was only a 35 minute drive ( 70 minutes total) but absolutely no sign of anxiety or panic i shopped till I dropped - brilliant! I will now go for the next stage DUAL CARRIAGE way, probably at the weekend, with my husband accompanying me first then the solo drive, if successful the final stage of driving on motorway
Beat Anxiety And Panic Attacks Naturally?
2016-05-17 03:14:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it gets better, I have been divorced for 4 years and it took 6 months for me to get going again after my divorce
2007-01-25 04:15:26 · answer #8 · answered by maxexposure2003 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will get better, what you are describing is classic depression symptoms. you might want to talk with your doctor and also see a therapist if you can. A lot of men do not ask for help and try to fight it out themselves, but you shouldn't. It will be easier for you to overcome this if you use professional help and you will get better faster. At least try.
Good Luck, Be well.
2007-01-25 04:35:09 · answer #9 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It WILL get better. 4 months seems like a LONG time I know, but how long were you married? Probably 7 to 10 years, most likely, and 4 months is not much, comparatively speaking. You will get better, but it will take longer. Keep moving on in your life....you'll feel better before long! Good Luck!!
2007-01-25 04:14:32 · answer #10 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋