Is this really how history happened? Because it explains so much!?

Question

I just read this, and it explains EVERYTHING! Now I understand why Liberals are so wierd.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Answer 1

Makes perfect sense!

Answer 2

Works for me!
Heres a thought for you.

Could a Liberal have once been a Conservative? (More than likely yes)
Could a Conservative have even been a LIberal? (I don't think so.)

So go figure, the Liberals are fighting themselves, their true being, their essence, is Conservative!

Yeah, yeah, go ahead and bad vote me, I do not care. The non liberals will understand what I am saying!

Answer 3

thank you for the laugh! thumbs up from me! I think this would make a GREAT superbowl commercial!

Answer 4

Wrong.

The "liberal" movement was started by the stronger men who stood up to the lies of false religions.

Liberals are the richest of Americans,also.

Answer 5

I wonder where Mark Foley fits into that scheme?

Answer 6

Liberals have ALWAYS fought for:

CLEAN AIR
CLEAN WATER
CIVIL RIGHTS
VOTING RIGHTS
EQUAL RIGHTS
ENDANGERED SPECIES
SOCIAL SECURITY
MEDICARE
MEDICAID

These are all ACTUAL NAMES OF LAWS that LIBERALS HAVE FOUGHT FOR and CONSERVATIVES, REPUBLICANS AND RIGHTWINGERS HAVE FOUGHT TO DESTROY.

If you are FOR any of the above, then you share the views of LIBERALS.

Answer 7

A little long but thanks very funny indeed. If I ever see a Liberal naked I will remember this and avoid them....

Answer 8

Pretty close.

Answer 9

Since it's not mentioned that Conservatives actually evolved, it looks like they remained stone age nomads.

Answer 10

http://www.rockridgeinstitute.org/projects/strategic/nationasfamily/nationasfamily
this is the real difference,,,,,,, parental worldviews
watch this,,,,,,, too
http://www.jonhs.net/911/