Why am I so afraid to tell my family I'm pregnant???

Question

I just found out that I am having a baby!! Now the task at hand is announcing my pregnancy to family members, and I'm freaking out. I'm so afraid of what my family is going to say/do/or advise. I'm 20 years old, finished with school, and yet I feel like I might as well be 14 years old. I'm wondering who I should tell first, how to tell them, and what exactly I should say. My mom is always talking about grandkids, and telling me that if I were ever pregnant she hopes I would come to her for help and support.... but I'm still afraid. I know because of previous family members having kids, they will assume I'm only out to take advantage of them financially. How do I go about doing this without my judgemental family assuming this is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to them.... when really its a blessing?? Please no rude comments, I've had enough of them already.

Answer 1

Hi pleased to meet u and first off congratulations !!! Secondly...U have not mentioned your partner ? So i`m guessing he knows and he if fully with u all the way....Ok so u have your partner as backup......Now on with the family..lol Ok since u are nervous about telling everybody about this wonderful thing all at once, I suggest finding a quiet place where u can sit your mam down and make her a cup of tea and while u doing this explain to her u have something very important to tell her....Also say how u feel u can confide in her and are a little confused right now and this is the best way u feel u can tell her that u are pregnant ! Now she is gonna go (1) Overjoyed and have a cry ! (which case your work is done cos mom will spread the good news like a forest fire in summer!!) or (2) Go a little quiet cos she will be shocked that her little girl is having a baby and the reality is you have grown up into a young woman....if this is the case Pretend to have a little cry and ask ask your mam for a HUG ! ( this will break her down and she will still feel her little girls who has grown up so fast still needs her (dont forget she knows what all this feels like herself cos she had u !! ) (3) Ok if the above does not happen and i`ve got my fingers crossed it does then we have to deal with number 3 :( Ok after u have made the tea and told her to sit down she must be curious as to why this is all happening...then u tell her and she hits the roof !!!! Ok gut reaction she is in total shock...now whatever she says in the next 10 to 20 mins means nothing cos it`s just shock talking so when she says to u how ever are u gonna afford a to keep a baby when u cannot keep yourself...ect ect ect...just sit back and take it......now u have broken the news its now up to your mam to come to terms with it.....now she may need more time so if u think she does explain why u told her and say u need her support through this and then go and leave her to her thoughts.......I hope this part does not happen but prepare for it anyways but end of the day this bit advice is from me to u.....U are now 20 and your life is gonna change bigstyle, loads of times of joy and times when u feel so low u just wanna run and keep running.....Take 1 day at a time and dont look back just keep moving forward and i know your family will be 100% behind u.......Hope this helps in a small way, Allan x

Answer 2

, I am in the same boat as you are. I am in my twenties, not yet finished with school, and living on my own. When I first started to feel symptoms I told my younger sister who was pregnant, so I felt the most comfortable with breaking the news to her first. Of course, she was shocked but she was and still is very supportive of me. Now breaking the news to my mother, that was a different story. There was never a right moment to talk to her. She too has made judgemental comments about my sister and other young mothers that we know. It was not until we took our trip to the Caribbean, was when I finally told her. It did not come out the way I would have liked it to, because she was literally forcing the information out of me, asking questions like "so why did you stop drinking"? After she found out she was really upset. By then I was approaching 13 weeks. Then a few days later I told my younger brother. I still have not told my immediate family, and will not do so until I, feel comfortable! That is my best advice, share the news when you are most comfortable doing so. My little sister wrote my mother a letter when she found out she was pregnant. You do not need to be stressed out!! Do it at your discretion. Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 3

Well the first thing is - who do you live with? Are you a burden on someone else or are you independent and supporting yourself and have your own home - Are you married? Or did you decide to become a baby's mother as oppose to being a wife first? If you are living with your parents and/or a family member or any other place which is not "your" own - maybe you should move out and/or have your baby's father move you and his unborn child out and provide a home and start taking care of his responsibilities along with you.

Once you have moved to your own little nest - you could tell your family that you are pregnant. They will see that you are not going to be a burden on anyone nor will your child be. AND maybe you should start considering how you are going to handle your relationship as you should realize that a woman needs to give herself some value morally and become a wife before a man's baby's mother - I know for a fact that if you were to ever have a daughter and she would become a baby's mother first - you as a mother, would not be too proud, that is the same way that your mother is probably going to think about you.

There should be no fear of telling ANYONE that you are pregnant as long as you know that YOU are the one who is going to be taking care of yourself and your baby and that you do not need anyone to help you out., you do not need your parents to provide shelter but for them to just be grandparents! It seems to me that you need to start growing up and acting like a real woman and a mother - ANYONE could be a baby carrier but it takes a lot more to be a MOTHER and a WOMAN. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Well it is kinda hard to say. Your mom is excited, but are you and your mom close? If you and her are close and have a good communication relationship then go to her. Maybe take her out to dinner or to the bookstore or to the mall and just say mom I wanted to mention something to you and just tell her she will be so happy the last thing on her mind will be its for financial help. Is there a boyfriend involved? Are you both working? Are you working? Do you live with you parents? Do you have another family member you are closer to? If you do you can talk to them about it and maybe they can help. Once you tell the 1st person it is a big relief and you will be less stressed and its healthier for the baby and for you. Tell someone! Good Luck throughout your pregnancy hope all goes well!

Answer 5

I understand where you are coming from since i got pregnant at 14 and it was way worse!!! I still completed school and everything and there were plenty of rude comments and looks coming at me especially being 14 walking aroung jr. high school with a big belly!!! I am 22 now and going to college. You are an adult now. You have to act like one and tell your family members. You'll never know what could happen. There will lots of mixed emotions and things like that. When i told my mother, of course she was upset ( especially when i was only 14!) but she came around and eventually supported me every step of the way. Now , she has a granddaughter she spoils completly rotten!!! The good thing is that you will have a babysitter for after your pregancy so you can go make up 9 month's of not drinking and have a great time!!! Keep your head up and be strong!

Answer 6

I totally went through the same thing. I was 18 when I got pregnant with my son and soo scared to tell my family, my husband (then b/f) actually told his fam. first. Now I'm 21 and married to the same great guy and when I found out I pregnant with our second child was still scared to tell people. I have no idea why. I think my fear came from having a father that still treats me like I'm a child and not wanting to listen to his crap. But I understand how your feeling. Hang in there. It was my experience that most everyone is happy to have a baby around and end up looking past whatever reservations they have about the pregnancy, not that its any of their buisness. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 7

You sound so much like me when i wa shaving our first.
I was 21 and married, lived an ocean from my family and yet the day i found out i was pregnant, was the most scariest day too because i had to call and tell my family.
HOOOO that was hard lol
I told my Nan first, she's the gentle female in my family lol, she's non aggresive in her approach to me, is my soft place to always land and she wa svery happy. She told me not to worry about what my mother thought, it was my life, i had the house, finances and a very happy healthy marriage to a wonderful man, what was i to be afraid off!
So i called my mum and just blurted out, "YOU'RE GONNA BE A GRANDMA"
She wasen't exactly excited, but i told her that i was happy and my husband was happy and i felt very ready.
Trust me, she was hesitant the whole pregnancy but as soon as our daughter was born and she saw her and held her, grandma mode kicked in lol and now she brags to everyone. I had our second daughter Feb. last year and am pregnant due in May with another girl and my family couldn't be any more tickled.
It;s very hard announcing it for the first time, shoot, it was hard for me the 2nd and third time lol but the sooner you just blurt it out - Mom, yo're gonna be a grandma - the sooner it's out and over with.

Congratulations and good luck - take a deep breath, and then let it out!

Answer 8

Just remember it is a blessing as you said. You mom offered support take her up on it first. They will find out sooner or later get it over with, You will be judged no matter if you were married, single, divorced, 30, 40, or 20. Just give them time to also understand the blessing God has given you. Get it over with soon the more you stress the worse it is on the baby.

Good luck and congrats.

Answer 9

You don't mention a b/f? Best advice...go to your mother first and tell her...get her on your side, and then tell the rest of the family. I was 35, married and pregnant and found it strange telling my family, so it really doesn't get any easier. Have a plan if you are to be a single mother so that others don'e think that you are taking advantage of your parents.

Answer 10

I wouldn't worry about what they will say. You can't please everyone. But if may make them feel better if you have plan. Such as working, babysitter, medical care for you and the baby and other important things like that.

With my first pregnancy my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. He told my stepdad who told my mom. With my third pregnancy (miscarriage in between) I told my family but emailing my 10 week ultrasound photo. With this pregnancy I just told my parents as well as my husband's parents. They told everyone else. Congrats and Good luck to you.