What would you do?

Question

What would you do if your wife said she basically doesn’t like you anymore, she can’t trust you or respect you (even though you’ve done nothing for her not to trust you), and that she is indifferent to the marriage but she still loves you and she won’t get a divorce. I’m thinking she’s having an affair. Some would say maybe not since she hasn’t left but my gut feeling tells me she is but wants me to end the marriage to save face on her part. Nobody goes from loving your spouse to total indifference to their spouse in a period of 6 months without somebody else being in the picture.

Answer 1

I would be confused if I were you. Why does she not trust you if you haven't done anything? Does she accuse you of stuff that is unvalidated? Does she use this as an excuse or do you feel that she genuinely feels that she cannot trust you? If she is willing to leave or feels the need to leave then there must be a reason. That reason does not necessarily mean that she has another man though. If she is gone and not living with you, yet does not want to get a divorce then maybe it's high time you decided on your own that you deserve more then what she is willing or capable of giving and move on. You have needs as a human being and it is unfair of her to decide for the both of you that it is over. She has already told you she doesn't love you anymore. you don't need to hear anymore. She has taken your relationship to the point of no return. There's not much more she can say. you need to start thinking about you and what you need and what makes you happy!

Good Luck!

'-)

Answer 2

Her hormones could be out of sorts. I know hormones do strange things to me. Also the length of time you've been married is a factor.

Most people don't realize that marriage is a living thing, and you have to keep the courtship going even after the vows are said. A weekly date is very important, even if that "date" is just a walk around the block alone. Play a board game, watch a video alone, cook dinner together, but do the things you did when you were dating. Perhaps if you started wooing her again you might see a change, also, don't act desperate, just be loving. Bring her some flowers and ask her out.

If nothing works, ask her flat out if she is having an affair, but I would give the other stuff at least 3-6 months before making that big move.
Good luck, I feel for you.

Answer 3

Interesting. Sounds like there's a lot going on. Indifference doesn't just happen. Either she's subtly trying to tell you to do something to help her, or she wants nothing to do with you and won't make the first move, or she's just in limbo and wants you to know it. My own opinion is that indifference is worse than betrayal. Your gutt instinct is usually right. You're probably right about her being interested in someone else. At least she's honest enough to say to you where she's at.

Its really up to you right now. she's put the ball into your court yard, either you accept the relationship where it is, or make a decision to leave. There's a lot involved in a situation like yourself. Things have to be split-financial, assets, and things. You haven't mentioned if there's children. If you have no children, do what is best for you. She's let you know that she wants to stay in limbo. IF there is an affair going on, its just a matter of time its going to surface. Then you deal with the heartache, hurt, resentment. If i had to choose, i'd first decide the pro's and con's on staying/leaving. Follow your gutt instinct.

I was married for 14 years and i was told by my husband about the same thing. We were in "limbo" for two years before he had an affair with someone else. He didn't have an affair until the last 6 months of that two year period. However being in limbo isn't a healthy relationship to have--it leads to disaster either way. I ended up staying a further 2 weeks for the sake of the "kids" and found out he was having an affair and he wanted to stay with her. I ended up leaving with the kids and i never regretted it. I should have done it sooner. I wish i followed my gutt instinct and left before it got rougher. Your instinct knows what you have to do. If there's no trust in a relationship, the relationship is over already and you're being forced into limbo.

Think of your heart, your mind, and your spirit. Indifference is a time bomb. I hope you make the best decision for yourself and you become happy.

Answer 4

You're right, it sounds weird. Something is going on. If your gut says she's having an affair, she probably is. Someone once told me "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference". I've found that to be true.
If she's not willing to get a divorce, maybe she's waiting for you to do it. Perhaps she feels she won't be the "bad guy" then. Maybe she's afraid so she's trying to hold on to what she has while testing the waters.
The bottom line is, you don't deserve to be in a marriage where you're not getting what you need. You deserve to be loved, respected and appreciated. I would urge you to trust your instincts. They are usually right. Good luck.

Answer 5

I don't know that I would go so far as to say she is having an affair, but it does sound like she is hoping you will end the marriage. It could be that she has some friends, maybe divorced women, who are telling her the evils of marriage. I think you really need to sit her down and talk about it and get things straight. I think if she were cheating on you she would be more apt to act as if nothing is wrong.

Answer 6

I think you two need to sit down and hash this thing out. What are the things she doesn't like about you, and what are some of the things she loved about you when you two were crazy in love and decided to get married. If she is cheating leave her, but if she is just bored with the relationship, which tends to happen a lot in marraige, and even just long term relationships, then find some way to bring back that sparkle in her eyes, if you love her and she isn't cheating on you, maybe you need to just put a little effort into the relationship and take her away on a vacation, and wine and dine her? Do something for her that you used to do that made her love you! But like I said if she is cheating, which is another thing you two need to bring up when you sit down and talk, then you deserve better. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

think u are onto something, yes someone else is in your marriage, and she wants to be with him, so it is showing in her treatment of u. think this relationship began a long time before 6 months ago, and they have finally decided they want to carry it to the next step. she will eventually leave u no matter what, so i would just go ahead and get the hurt over with now, rather than stay and have to suffer knowing it's just a matter of time. she left the marriage a long time ago, u are just now seeing it. she says she can't trust u because she is cheating on u, it is always like that when a spouse is cheating on u they accuse u of it, so they can justify their own actions, and somehow cast a doubt in their own minds so they don't feel so guilty about what they are doing. best to get out of it as soon as u can and avoid any more hurt from her, as it is only going to get worse, she wants to be with him and not u, and u should just accept it.

Answer 8

Well, it did happen to me. My husband just did not participate int he marraige. He though since the ring was on my finger that he could just sit back and everything would be OK. So, I was neglected and started to resent him. I think you haven't been communicating. Don't jump to conclusions about affairs, wmone don't always have to have one to stop loving someone. I think you need to go to counseling and make sure it is not just no communication, then go from there. Men always think it is an affair becasue that is what would make them act this way.

Answer 9

I'd say that you need to sit her down and just ask whats really going on. Obviously there is more to it than what she is saying. Tell her that if she gives you a real reason then you will consider it. Maybe that will get the truth out of her. Good luck!

Answer 10

Your right. Something is going on. In the trust issue about you in the respect issue, that's how she feeling about herself, because she up to know good. That's if you truly didn't do nothing like you said. But all those mix feeling she having is she just might be having affair. The best thing for you to do is find out. I doubt that she tells you. Your going to have to play I spy for awhile. But it will be wroth it. Have you notice mood swings, not having sex with you. Dressing up in leaving or gone for lots of hours. Taking off on a Saturday. Or when your at work does she leave the house, if she don't work. If she is at home. Are you sure the guy not coming to your house. Or if she does work are you sure she not leaving after work to meet him or at her lunch hour. I know these things take time to find out. But trust me it's wroth to know. I had to do it. I went as far as to get dress act like I was going to work, in park down the street in waiting for my husband to leave, in he did right to the other women's house. It's going to take time, but do what you have to do.