I am 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. My husband is very happy and excited. The only problem is he is not comfortable with the intimacy factor during pregnancy. I have explained to him that it will not harm the baby and have even showed him my books that state how to be intimate during pregnancy......but he says he's not comfrotable with it and i'm not even showing. We usually have great intimacy together and have never had any problems.Has this ever happened to someone before and did it get better as the pregnancy went on? What can I do? PLEASE SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY.
2007-01-25 03:10:47 · 31 answers · asked by Sara M 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
hello yes I had done this with my wife as well. It just took a little bit of time to go by for me to realize that it would be ok. The wife also took me to some of the doctor visits and the doctor assured me that it was ok. hope this helps....
2007-01-25 03:16:13 · answer #1 · answered by bubba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly didn't have this problem but I do have some thoughts... I hope nobody criticizes him. Every one has the right to be "in the mood" or not, including men!
Are you still doing all the other things you used to do together? How about doing some of the things you used to do when you were a new couple? Creating the atmosphere that got you on the road to where you are today might help him see that you are still the same woman he fell in love with. Think back to the type of day/night that usually would lead to making love.
Or, on a totally different train of thought.... Do you have time/money to take a little vacation together? Even a mini break? If the old tricks don't work, a change of scenery might. Get away from the pregnancy books, etc, whatever reminders are in your house, and go somewhere where it can still be just about you two.
Either way, don't force it or complain (nobody finds that attractive; I'm not saying shut up and be a good little woman, AT ALL, but this is a situation where complaining just won't help). Just try to create the best scenario you can to make it seem natural again.
Please, no pressure, but if this is your first, maybe you think you will be different, but spend this time with your husband now while you can. EVERYTHING is about to change in your life in a few months. In some ways it will bring you closer together but sex will not be at the top of your list for a while after the baby comes! In fact, if you can, do whatever you can think of that you love and that would be difficult with a child; have fun! I loved being pregnant but I did try to squeeze in as much "adult" time as I could while it wasn't too hard yet!
Good luck!
2007-01-25 03:23:01 · answer #2 · answered by ice_skaters_mom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See, here's where you gotta be kind of sneaky. You know he's not going to hurt the baby. He knows it too. BUT subconciously he doesn't. And boy can that subconciousness get you. Here's what you do: Tell him that it's fine that he doesn't want to have intercourse, but really miss being physically close to him. Tell him there are lots of different ways to be intimate without sex (there are by the way). A few times with this strategy will more than likely help him come around. After all you just found out not to long ago, he is probablely still adjusting. Hope everything works out! :)
2007-01-25 03:19:31 · answer #3 · answered by autumnofserenity@sbcglobal.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a hug as your intimacy. Seriously, men don't want to hurt the child subconsciously. Facts matter less than the guilt & uselessness, after already hitting the target. My suggestion is do other things, visit people and watch TV more... it sounds like a first child? (Deal with less.) After the baby's here, you wont want to bother with your husband in this regard for quite some time... it's only natural.
2007-01-25 03:17:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men think for some reason it will hurt the baby, you or cause complications. Maybe if he went with you to a prenatal appointment, and he asked the doctor the same question, it will sink in. Sometimes they just need to hear it from a professional. My hubby was nervous at first too. But well, here we are 4 kids later. Once he was told its fine, and it wont harm the baby in any way, he was back to his normal, horny self. lol
Best of Luck, and Congrats on the pregnancy!!!
2007-01-25 03:17:34 · answer #5 · answered by ,,!,,baddest~lil~b!tch,,!,, 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe give him some time. This is all new to him and maybe he's just nervous. Don't push the issue, or it might get worse. I don't think he'll want to go a whole 9 months, then a couple afterward, celibate. Just keep it nice and stress free. Intimacy won't hurt a thing. As a matter of fact, toward the end it helps to soften the cervix.
2007-01-25 03:16:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what his concerns are; if it's something like "I think it will hurt the baby", then ask him to come with you to your obstetrician and you both can get the facts directly from your doctor (the baby is in your womb and separated from where intercourse takes place...the baby will not be poked, prodded, or otherwise annoyed by even the most vigorous sex until after the 7th or 8th month)...
If he's emotionally uncomfortable with sex right now, ask him to cuddle with you and spend your time verbally connecting. Alternatively, if you are craving physical intimacy, you could dress up a bit sexier and flaunt it 'round your man; perhaps his hormones will remind him what he's been missing...
2007-01-25 03:27:15 · answer #7 · answered by Julia A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I haven't had a child yet but can't wait. I think a pregnant wife is one of the most beautiful moments in a married couple's life, especially the first time around.
If you think about it, she is carrying a symbol of your love for each other. If that does not naturally induce intimacy I don't know what does. Also, I think a woman looks very beautiful when she is pregnant and I can't wait for the opportunity to care for my wife for the entire 9 months of her pregnancy when we get there.
Tell your husband to relax and let his true feelings direct his actions.
2007-01-25 03:16:48 · answer #8 · answered by WallStreetWannaBe 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just lay off of the sex until after the baby. If it's easier for him to not have intercourse, so be it. Give him oral if he needs some sort of sexual release. Lots of guys have trouble thinking about having sex when they know there's a baby in there. It's like having a van with a bed in the back and then having to take it out and put a baby carseat back there. Things are different, at least for a while. They have books on this stuff. Go find one.
2007-01-25 03:16:47 · answer #9 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As a man I loved and enjoyed the intimacy during my wifes pregnancy. It is a bonding period between Father, Mother and Child. It is completely safe and healthy. We actually made love up till the day she went into labor. I would suggest that you invite him with you to your doctors office and bring the subject up with your Doctor. Let your Doctor explain how important it is to be involved in every aspect of this process.
A woman is so Beautiful during this time and you show it! He will see and desire it. Just be patient with him. I wish you luck and if you care to chat if you need to talk I am here and will listen.
Mr. B.
2007-01-25 03:21:43 · answer #10 · answered by John B 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're just going to have to impress on him the fact that he's not going to get "any" for over a year if he doesn't do it now. If he's worried about hurting the baby, that's 40 weeks down. Then you have to wait at least 6 weeks after the baby is born. Then you may not feel like it for a couple of months after that....So if he wants some, he'd better get it while he can! :)
My husband was a little worried about that at first, but after the first couple of times, he saw that it wasn't hurting me, things were fine.
Maybe he would feel better about a different position, maybe "spooning"?
2007-01-25 03:15:50 · answer #11 · answered by Jessie P 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋