I asked this question yesterday:?

Question

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Well last night he said he would need to go to the bank again. We drove and I said I would wait with the baby in the car...he went in (bank is in the grocery store) and I immediately followed him, carrying our baby son with me! I followed him as he walked around the store and grabbed a loaf of bread. He didn’t even go anywhere near the bank. Then he walked out to the parking lot and then my phone was ringing a few minutes later. I told him I was inside buying diapers. He came in completely angry and out of character and grabbed his bag from me (I didn’t want to leave his laptop in the car) and walked off! He wouldn’t talk on the drive home. I asked him what the bank said and he told me the line was too long and he didn’t want to wait. But there was not a soul in line and about four tellers when I went by! Why is he continuously lying about this? It is bizarre.

So we got home I told him that I knew he had the loan and why was he making up stories and he got really mad and told me it was none of my business AND STILL KEPT DENYING HE HAS THE DAMN THING! I had even called his bank yesterday and got the last ten transactions which showed he had made purchases and paid bills with the loan money that has been there for a week. I told him this and said it was not a big deal that he got the loan but just not to lie about it! He said I was SICK for saying this and that I was mentally ill and imagining things. I even have payment amounts for our American Express that he paid off with the money. He would not listen. So I sat in the living room with the baby and pondered his strange behaviour. Then about an hour later he came out and was all sweet and said how I was a good mom and we have a wonderful baby boy and how I was correct for stopping arguing. What do I do now?

Answer 1

well, people hide money for different reasons. perhaps he's doing drugs? gambling? did he get someone pregnant maybe? there's a reason he's hiding things from you.

i'd say he's the one being mental. if this is a joint item (the reason you took the loan out in the first place), why shouldn't you be able to access the transactions on it?

i've found that when you catch someone lying to you and you don't know why and they won't tell why, that it's best just to play their little game and start doing it right back to them.

i think you should change your passwords to things he has access to, go get a new cell phone or start locking your keypad so he can't access stuff on it, etc....

Answer 2

This is bizarre. We are talking about your soulmate. If he was up to something really ugly then he would not be paying off the bills. I think he is trying to make a big suprise purchase for the house, maybe a car and he doesnt want to tell you until he is sure that after paying bills he will have enough money or if the deal goes through. Just wait awhile and see. Maybe I am nieve but then why would he even tell you about the loan if he was up to no good?

Answer 3

he is overly stressed about financial matters, I don't know if its so much that he doesn't want you to worry, or if its a matter of him just wanting to deal with everything on his own, and maybe theres some spending going on that he doesn't want you to know about. Lying will not make this better, communication from both sides is the only answer. You are not mentally ill, thats just a defense mechanism he has, to turn it around and make it look like its you and make you feel a little nutso. Keep chipping away at things and get him to talk to you, he should open up, if he values his family and his wife

Answer 4

There is some kind of stress going on with him. Men act like this and try keeping the spouse from worrying too, but what they don't see is we pick up on the irrational behavior. I'd try talking to him about his job, or family any thing you can think of that might be disturbing him. The sooner you know what his real problem is the better his behaviour will be.

Answer 5

The man has a problem. He's "patting you on the head" like a little dog for "stopping arguing", because that's how he manipulates you into shutting your mouth. He should not be hiding such things as loans, because if you guys were to divorce, his debt is half your debt, therefore HALF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!! Let him take that to the freaking bank! (Sorry, I'm just a little tired of manipulative, controlling people!)

Answer 6

This is sounding like the top of the Iceberg to me .... what all is lurking beneath? you need to get to the bottom of things, and fast. Has he lied to you before ... think hard ... things you just passed off maybe?

i highly recommend a mediator or counselor to help youboth communicate .... I have been in a marriage with a man who hid things ... he had nothing to hide ... but turned out he had a severe mental illness..... which was behind it all ....

good luck.

Answer 7

Something is very fishy? I remember your post from yesterday too! I thought yesterday.. maybe your overreacting a bit... but your right, it is bizarre. Maybe your stumbling upon something bigger he's trying to hide. Out of curosity.. what were the purchases he paid off? Is that what he's trying to hide? I don't know what's going on... but I wouldn't confront him about it again until you have some hard proof. Otherwise, he'll only get angry, and its pretty obvious he's not going to tell you on his own accord.

Good luck to you!

Answer 8

you need to set up a budget that shows what money is spent for what and stick to it. He may feel he needs the control but you both have to be a part of that.

Answer 9

Betrayal of trust. Sorry to hear. You know what you need to do. His behaviors will only escalate. Do you want to live in doubt all the time?

Answer 10

You need to call a marriage therapist, to find out why he feels the need to keep you out of his financial affairs, all of a sudden and why he has to lie to you about it.