I'll try not to be too hard on my mother-law but I want everyone to have all the info possible. I love her & my wife. My mother-in law 62, has depression; Doc says has the emotional maturity of a 20 old(I think he was kind).angry, negative and very difficult. Huge packrat (4 bedroom house full of junk; when visiting we stay in hotel ,no room) she is unaware the harm she is causes to people around her (or doesn't care) can't seem to get anything done, collects medical disability; Seems OK to me. Some say she just lazy and stubborn like her father & since she was a young adult she "didn't want to do the right thing" She can act OK around people if she has too. We have been down the road w/ doctors,Meds for her (again sorry if this sounds harsh). I have been dealing w/ similar problems w/ wife ie.difficult, lying,(lack of trust) My wife and I have been to.counceling(for us).. Nothing is working. Can people just be that way? Will my wife turn into her? Do I need to go in another direction?
2007-01-25 02:49:25 · 11 answers · asked by Concerned Husband 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You and your wife need to talk with a Dr. about your situation and family history. Marriage counseling is definitely in order now not later. It will help you both cope with the problems you address.
2007-01-25 03:03:24 · answer #1 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She still sounds better than my fat ***** mother in law. Depression runs in a lot of families, it doesn't necessarily mean your wife will get it. The two of you may be having problems now because your wife is so stressed out about the situation with her mother that she's reflecting her anger about it on every other aspect in her life. I presonally dont think counesling is the answer, try waiting it out a few more months and if you can't take it; then well it's the dreaded "d" word. When all else fails and you cant stand your mother in law anymore just be thankful she isn't screaming at the top of her lungs at you because you left a light on and didn't make a bed to her standards.
2007-01-25 05:39:29 · answer #2 · answered by Jersey Style 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible after hearing about your wife's disfunctions she already has many mental disfunctions her mom has. It could be a genetic problem passed down.
What are the doctors saying about your wife and her mother's mental state? Maybe you should find out if it's passed down or if not, then your wife was brought up with a dis-functional mother and again, your wife needs to be placed somewhere for help.
I truly hope all of these answers help you to go in another direction. I think you are looking for support and we all are here to give it to you--so please take heed and be strong for yourself.
And, please don't even consider children with this wife ever.
2007-01-25 11:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by Hedicat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depression is hereditary. The only thing that may save your wife is she is "watered down" with the mixture of her father in her. My husband is like that. I told him one day "You are so your father's son and the only thing that's saving you is that you have your mother in you". (and the grace of God). She (MIL) may need different meds and someone to take care of her 24/7. As well as with your wife. Do you think she will ever try to hurt herself or someone else? There is a thing called "Baker Act", you can have her forced to get help in a hospital or something. Good Luck.
2007-01-25 07:32:32 · answer #4 · answered by Jewel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law's disability payments may not be a physical one, but a mental one and it would be in your best interest long-term to discreetly talk to her relatives to try to find out more about it to find out.
Your wife is not her mother; she may emulate behaviors that her mother as a learned behavior, not necessarily due to pathological (physical, inherited) behavior, or it could be pathological if the mother suffers from something that can be passed down geneticially, like schizophrenia, which may not manifest itself until a person reaches their 30's or even as late as their 40's.
This is the reason you need to talk to your wife's relatives in a roundabout way to get a much information as you can to try to find out what your mother-in-law's diagnosis is. If it is just depression, it could you wife having to deal with a mother that is emotionally her junior is too much to bear and it is infecting your relationship; in that case, it could be time for your mother-in-law (and most likely, not voluntarily) committed to an institution that can properly monitor for her own sake.
2007-01-25 03:05:54 · answer #5 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply put, yes. Both men and women learn about marriage from their parents. What ever your Mother - in - law was like when you got married, is what your wife will be like at about the same age. Before being married you should have looked at how your M-I-L treated her husband. You will be treated in a similar manner.
2007-01-25 02:57:38 · answer #6 · answered by Beau R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is not the same person as her mom.... Your wife is an individual and her own person.... If you wife ends up with depression take her to a doctor and have her seek medical help and attention for it.
2007-01-25 03:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My great grandfather use to say look at the girls mother and you will see what you are getting. Sounds harsh but very true.
2007-01-25 03:10:35 · answer #8 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If counselling is not working then you need to consider a change.
2007-01-25 02:56:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We're all our own person.
IF your dad was "nuts" do you or will you be like him?
It's up to you how far you will let this take you.
2007-01-25 03:12:38 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋