From a psychology stand point, what is it called when someone inflicts emotion pain to them self?

Question

I am looking for an explanation or medical/emotional terp to describe self inflicted emotional torture. Kind of like sadomasochism for the soul/emotions. I have an "X" struggling to move on and this is what is happening. They ask for detailed (and I mean detailed) descriptions of how I am moving on. I know it hurts and I really don't think I should answer.

Answer 1

[edit: I used the female pronoun for your 'X' throughout this, just for convenience. Wasn't sure, since you didn't specify, so just apply accordingly.]


Actually, it's called "masochism" as you have hinted at yourself.

Relationally, the masochist personality insists on inflicting emotional pain on herself for whatever reason -- sometimes just to feel alive, sometimes to somehow make themselves feel valuable/worthwhile.

(Being ignored completely is probably the worst feeling in the world to them. The pain gives them something to focus on and also helps them get the attention they want from others.)

It's not always masochistic behavior that would result in your X's behavior. There are also control issues involved, the inability to accept your decision. As long as she dialogs with you about things, there's the chance she could somehow change the outcome or at least avoid dealing with the pain of losing you. As soon as you stop talking to her, it's over... and she's not ready for that yet.

Typically, in a breakup, the best thing to do is to calmly end it and not provide too much information (rather like firing someone from a job). Generally, the more information you give, the more the person will try to try to bargain with you, to keep things alive. So it's not cruelty but kindness, if you are committed to the breakup, to prevent this.

In your case, it sounds as if you HAVE done the breaking up but now she wants to know what you've been doing. Generally it would be a bad idea to give her this information. It's simply another form of control that she's trying to gain for herself, to feel a bit better; but it's really none of her business. I would say that I appreciated her interest and concern, but that you are getting along fine, and leave things at that.

If you feel even talking to her will allow him to fixate on you, then don't even acknowledge her right now. After a time, once things settle a bit, safe contact might be possible; but she still sounds like she's in denial/anxiety mode and hasn't truly moved on.

Good luck. I know it's hard for some people to feel so "cold" by not helping to alleviate an X's fears, but it usually just makes things worse if you do it too soon after a breakup. They need to make a clean break first, before you can share anything with them again (if you choose to).

Answer 2

I may not have anything to offer you. But this stood out to me and blew it's horn!! "I know it HURTS and I really DON"T think
I should answer". But what do I know??? @8-)

Answer 3

I WANT TO BELIVE IT CAN BE REGARDED AS INTRA-PERSONAL INFLICTION