is my boyfriend cheating on me?

Question

I found my boyfriend at home with a married female colleague. I'd finsihed work late and went to pick up a dvd from his house. Surprised to see his car at home as they were supposedly going out for dinner. Even more surprised when he emerged from the ensuite in only a towel. He asked what I was doing at his house and I asked why he was naked while she was in the house? He told me in a hushed voice that she was having a nap and he was about to have a shower. Said he'd "talk to me about it later". I was furious and left. Then later started thinking I was being hasty and jumping to conclusions but I can't get past 2 questions. (1) if she was so tired why didn't she call off the dinner? (2) if she was asleep, wouldn't his shower wake her up? So why would he be prepping for a shower? How can one be so desperate for a nap that you would sleep in a colleague's bed? Am I just too conservative? I am so furious right now. Am I being taken for a fool by him?

Answer 1

Sounds like a pile of bunk to me.

How many people go to someone else's house to take a nap???

TOO CONSERVATIVE? Give me a break. Don't let anyone call you "too conservative" just because you have any morals or backbone.

Get rid of this ******.

Answer 2

It sounds and looks quite suspicious. I would have asked the same questions. Since when does a married colleague, who you are supposed to be going to dinner with NOT cancel if she is so tired? No, you are not too conservative. I think it is called your intuition...and it is always accurate if you trust your first impulse. I think he owes you an amazing explantion, and I think you would have to be the most compassionate soul in the world to buy it.

You are not be taken for a fool. You trusted this man and you MUST trust people until they demonstrate that they are untrustworthy or you would walk around suspicious of everyone. This is a question of his morality and character defects, not yours. Ok what I would do is sit down with him, look him straight in the eye and ask the questions again...just ask him straight up if he is having an "affair" with her? Now, you have to be prepared ahead of time in terms of what you will do. If this is a "deal breaker" then you have to be prepared to walk away and have a support network in place. You will know the truth as soon as you look in his eyes I suspect. I guess I wonder how long you have been going out. How well do you know him and his friends? Do you see similiar patterns with any of his friends? Were you having open and heartfelt communication and a good sexual intimacy? All these questions can assist you in putting the "truth" together for yourself. The only beacon in the cloud so to speak is IF he was indeed cheating, thank the stars that you were not married to him, and that there were no children involved...If he was cheating do not let him ruin your future relationships. You can learn a lot from stuff like this and always, always trust your intuition. I wish you the best, but you are in the drivers seat right now....

Answer 3

When he suddenly has things to do that he never had to do before...when he avoids your calls, or isn't there to take them, if his attitude toward you is changing, if he tells you he "just needs some ME time" If you live together some of these are signs too... 1. Lower desire to be with you sexually. 2. Suddenly tries new sexual positions. 3. Working late more often. 4. Mysterious phone calls. 5. Gets angry when you look at the cell phone, pager, or computer. Is secretive of such. 6. Smell of perfume on their clothing. 7. Takes a shower as soon as he comes home. 8. You find hairs or other objects on his body or in his possessions. 9. Starts taking more care with his appearance. 10. Accuses you of cheating. 11. He changes his normal routine without cause or reason.

Answer 4

Uh yeah sounds like theres a little more to that story that hes not telling you but sounds like you already know what that is. If you're his gf why he would be so surprised to see you at his house? (maybe b/c he was doing something he shouldn't have been?) and yeah, if she was so tired then she should have gone bk to her house got in her bed and called it a night! You have alot more patience than me. I would not have left until i woke her up and calmly said. " You look really tired, maybe you should just go on home sweetie and another night the 4 of us can all go out for dinner!" ....just curious , was she fully dressed in his bed? either way though she should not have been in his bed and i would have made that apparently clear!!OMG...idk, id probably be in jail right now for assault, on him..lol

Answer 5

u are trying to find excuses any excuse that would lead u away from what you saw. he rudly dismissed u, he hushed his voice wanting to protect her integrity, and was quite surprised to see u appear at his house, kind of embarrassed. it would be fair to say u and he are not exactly exclusive, that he has others besides u. yes u are being taken for a fool, but u love him and seem to want to believe anything even what u see with your own eyes. now what are u going to do about this? if she came to his home, don't think it was because she was sleepy, think theres more to this than he is telling u, personally i do not think u can trust him anymore, and it is good to be furious, u saw the truth and now u are angry, he is a cheater and a liar and your not his one and only.

Answer 6

Im sorry to be a pain in the butt, but he is deffinetly cheating on you. i dont know how clear this answer is, but you'll see it sometime. I had the same problem with my ex boyfriend, i stood for it, as i didnt love him anyways. the question is, his he married to her and you dont know? anyways you should dump him, and let her know about it so he can learn a lesson. and find yourself a proper boy who will respect you! Im sure he'll come after you in a couple of weeks, but dont ever meet him again, he is rubish, all he wants is sex.


P.S. IF you think he is going to feel bad about you leaving him, he wont, and if you gonna think ''i wonder what would happen if i could solve things, or if we could stay together.. or last'' dont even dare. if you dont dump him now, he will dump you much sooner than you think. man.. you know what i mean

P.S1 HE IS A Mommys boy! spoiled and thinks he can have anything! give him what he deserves. get some blokes to kick the sh*t !

Answer 7

Women's intutions is a *****....if you really feel in your heart that he's cheating then he probably is. and he can only play you for a fool if you let him. If he really loved you and was considerate of your feelings then that woman would not have been in his house in the first place...especially not in his bed. And even if he is just a nice guy he shold have made her comfortable for a nap on the couch leaving little to no room for speculation.

Answer 8

If you have been with this man for some time than you know him. Always trust your feelings! This story does not make sense. He must explain himself. If his excuse is out of the ordinary for him then you need to ask lots of hard questions. It is your life too. You need to be able to trust the person you are with completely. There are still good honest people out there. Take your time and find a person who will make you happy and secure. My wife always said that I was her one and only love, that was until I caught her having an affair on Christmas day! I caught her because I trusted my feelings that something was not right. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR FEELINGS!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Your only a fool if you believe him. If she was married she would be sleeping in her own bed with her hubby, not at your boyfriends and to come to the door in only a towel while a female was in the home is an admission in itself...what I can't understand is why he even came to the door to begin with...seems he wanted found out if you ask me

Answer 10

I don't care what his story is later.... that does not look good honey!! There is no reason for her sleeping in his bed and there is no reason for her to even be at the house(if they were suppose to go out for dinner)... let alone him running around in a towel and jumping in the shower. Push for the truth... he's going to have one hell of a story for you later!!

Answer 11

Yes, your man is cheating on you. What gave it away was him asking you what you were doing there. There is no way that woman was napping there. You can keep asking yourself questions about it all you want, but that man lied to your face and you allowed it. Dump him and don't look back. There is no other way to prove it to you other than the proof you had when you first walked into his place. Good luck and GOD bless.