Help! I need to stop this!!?

Question

Last night my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone about all sorts of thing. However when I started talking about the girl who works where I work getting fired, she acted as if I liked her, I got a little cranky and said " No, and it is a little annoying you seem to think I like every single girl there is" normally I do not talk back to her, get pissed at her like that, however I had been a bit tired of her thinking I did. I don't blame her though. Well, she said " Well thats because you are a liar.." See.. that is my problem. I do lie and fib, and I hate it.. I really really want to stop. You see not counting her I have had three serious relationships in which all I have fell in love but, been screwed over and hurt. I never cheated on them, but in between those three I was a man whore, something I am really not proud of anymore, actually very ashame. So when my past come up and women are brought up no matter how hard I try.. I end up fibbing. I don't want to

There are also lots of times I do not fib, however because of fibbing she will not always believe me, I really want her to trust me again. Also I have had low self esteem for a while, and always hated my looks but lately I've felt better about them thanks to her, now whenever I complain about my looks she thinks I am asking for Sympathy.. she says there is no longer any emotion to my voice when I talk about it. If I am subconciously look for sympathy, how can I make it stop? As well as the fibbing? We love eachother very much and I don't want to do this to her anymore.. can anyone help without suggesting some sort of therapy?

Answer 1

I am so big on honesty! Fibs/Lies are found out eventually, & then once they are found out trust becomes an issue, but in the meanwhile the lies leave you worrying about getting caught. If you tell too many lies, how do you keep track of who you said what to? Just be upfront and honest to begin with ... and you can be honest in a nice way! If having a hard time answering something truthfully, just say you need time to think about it and you'll get back to the person.

As far as past lies, fess up now, change your ways and you'll be able to move on feeling a lot better about yourself.

One thing to think about, why do you lie? Do the right thing, make good choices and decisions ... you'll feel good about yourself and you won't feel the need to lie.

I'm still dealing w/ the mean teen problem from my questions, what I told my dughter's "friend" is that if she doesn't want to be nice or be friends w/ my daughter anymore, being honest about it might hurt the other person, but it is going to hurt a lot more if she acts like a friend, but then talks badly behind her back and it gets back to my daughter (which it will eventually).

One lie I have told is when I called in sick to work, but then I figured it was kind of true because I was sick of work and needed a mental wellness day :-)

Answer 2

I'm glad you said "short of therapy" because that draws an important line. Okay, well it's harder to quit lying than you seem to think it is. So many of us have adopted it as one of our defense mechanisms and we all do what we have to do. And we get better at doing it too. I admire your courage to want to tackle something that heavy while you are still young (I assume) I would say devote yourself to CATCHING yourself, and then you step up to STOPPING yourself, and then you will finally be honest. I hope you will also have the discernment to judge whether to answer a question or pass on it. We are not on trial!!!
Some people are direct and admit they don't want to answer that, but I broke myself by practice and I am about in the last half of STOPPING myself. I have a plan to AVOID questions I can't answer truthfully though by creating a diversion. Good Luck!!
It takes a long time. How about years?? Start now. You know it's worth it!! @8-)