My wife of 11 years had an affair that lasted 2 mths. I caught her on Christman day. She was very sorry and I have tried to forgive her but I have trouble with trusting her now. We went to marriage counseling and it helped some. She is not close to me any more. I am kind and trying hard to make this work. She spends alot of time outside of the home and does not work. I pay all the bills and do all the chores including raising our 7 year old son. I love her but we just can't communicate. I want her to be more a part of this family. I feel that she is taking advantage of me and I can' t live this way much longer. I love her and I think she still loves me. What do I do?
2007-01-25 02:14:43 · 14 answers · asked by TPO 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sit her down and let her know exactly how you feel. If she's serious about being sorry, she'll straighten up. You might remind her that you love her and ask how she might feel if the roles were reversed. But, if she doesn't change her wicked ways, you might need to move on. She's doing these things because you're ALLOWING her to...listen to yourself. You pay all the bills, YOU clean the house, YOU take care of your son. You're not demanding anything more of her, and that's why you're not getting it. We teach people how they can treat us. You're only going to get whatever respect you demand for yourself. Personally, I wish I'd run into someone as generous as you, and my life would be a lot better off. Good luck to you.
2007-01-25 02:23:29 · answer #1 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said she spends a lot of time outside the home, but doesn't work. It seems to me she has more freedom than she should have. She may have an addictive personality and can't help but get into trouble. On a lighter note, she DID agree to counseling. That's a big step. She is taking advantage of you but you have bills to pay and a son to raise. That needs to be your main goal right now. If your marriage is going to end, there is not a whole lot you can do about it. Stay strong.
2007-01-25 22:31:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you think she still loves you! If she LOVED you at all, she would never have had an affair. Sorry the truth is painful.
She is taking advantage of you and you are letting her. You have to put your foot down and make a decision. Not only is she playing with your feelings but your seven year old is most likely smarter than either one of you realize and is stuck in the middle of this ugly situation. You need to make sure he/she is ok. You need to put aside what is going on in your marriage to protect your child, your child should come first no matter what and if your "wife" is out of the house chances are your child is being neglected by her.
This past Christmas isn't that long ago, if you had counseling and she is staying away more often you need to think about what u want seems she has made her choice!! Hope it all works out for you. Don't forget your child.
2007-01-25 10:32:25 · answer #3 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation... I have to commend you for staying around and raising your child. If your wife isn't showing a serious interest in raising the family then by all rights to your heart, you should let her go.. She has had an affair and right now to her you are second best. If she may still love you.. but, her heart has change. Going through the same situation myself for over 3 years and I just don't have the courage to leave. So, gain yours. Sincerely. Von
2007-01-25 10:25:48 · answer #4 · answered by VON 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should end it. She is just scared too. It will be better for both of you. The reason she had the affair in the first place was prrof enough she doesn't love you anymore. She is probably just trying to not fail. So many people stay in a marraige just to keep from being a failure at soemthing. THis is not something to try and be successful in. you want to be happy, not win a game. She is probably worried aobut the child and you getting custody.
2007-01-29 09:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by browneyedgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone cheats on you, they did it for a reason. Perhaps you weren't meeting her needs. Women crave attention and like men, gratitude and respect. I personally feel that she is not in love with you anymore and once those feelings are extinguished, the won't come back. I'm sure she still loves you but it won't ever be the way it used to be. I suggest a trial separation of a month. See how things are afterward. Then, you'll know what to do, especially if she goes with the other man.
2007-01-25 10:25:54 · answer #6 · answered by Teddy Bear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to seek help and counseling for you and this marriage... Learn how to forgive and love her for what she has done and over time you will be able to trust me... I am so glad you still love her and want to make this marriage work... Work as hard as you can to try and save this marriage and if it ends up there is no hope left of ever restoring and saving your marriage then and only then let her go. You may very well need to keep going to marriage counseling and counseling for yourself as well.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
http://www.marriagebuilders.com
2007-01-25 10:40:34 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man.....
Well, CAN it work? Yes. If she is not commited to making it work rather than just "riding it out" then it is time to end it.
If she doesn't work what is she doing out of the house all day? Sounds like she might still be up to something.
Might I suggest hiring a private investigator to check up on her? If she is still running around on you, slam her with divorce papers and get this overwith.
If she is making any kind of effort to fix this marriage, try to run with it. But only if you can honestly work towards the long-term goals - reestablishing trust, respect, and eventually forgiving her.
2007-01-25 10:22:43 · answer #8 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your being too good to her. Sounds like you do everything. She doesn't work, doesn't do much around the house.....hmm she IS taking advantage of you! WAKE UP!
Sit her down and set down rules with her. If she wants to stay married to you, then she needs to pull her part in the marriage. Tell her your tired of doing it all. Put it on her to decide. If she loves you enough - it won't be a hard decision. If not, then you get your answer. Best of luck!
2007-01-25 10:22:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you lose trust in someone it is the hardest thing to gain back. Most likely she had done it before and will do it again, so how can you build trust? I would just say you should take a break from her and gather your thoughts. I think you will find that its already too much water under the bridge to make it work.
Sorry to hear that, good luck.
2007-01-25 10:23:18 · answer #10 · answered by Jules Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋