What should I do about my husband???

Question

I've been married for 6 yrs and we have 3 kids together and we are on the verge of a divorce. The problem is that we can't seem to agree on anything together, whether it be about the kids or the house or the bills or even what to eat for dinner. This has been going on for many yrs and it seems as though it's only getting worse. AND to top it all off, he has such a negative attitude. I've repeatedly asked him to stop being so negative but it only makes a big argument and then we end of saying things we don't mean. So my question is what in the world should I do about his resistance and negativity? Live with it or live without it?

Answer 1

you are the only one who knows the answer i cant put myself in your situation because i don't know what else is happening but you have 3 kids and a 6 year old marriage i think counseling might help a bit and communication is the key to understanding****

Answer 2

First thing I would suggest is, take a step back and have hard look at yourself. Now thats not meant to sound like I am blaming you, far from it , but behind every successful man there is a successful woman, and that is a universal fact. Counsel yourself , are you a nagging wife, do your cause his negativity by your attitude toward him, repeatedly asking about it. Is he just resisting a continual barage from you ?
I have learned after being married 30 yrs myself ,that the best way to "win" an argument is to avoid it. Surely after 6 yrs of marriage you must know what he would like and dislike for dinner .You are the most important person in the world, and so too is he in his world, so strive to make him feel "important" and you will be repayed totally. The old saying goes,treat someone the way you like to be treated yourself. YOU are better than you think you are, so its time to start "thinking" better. Look at your role in the home as the umpire, you have"the whistle" , be firm gentle & persausive, your husband's boss is like the coach, when he is at at work, so he doesn't need the umpire being like the coach at home. In reality if the umpire "doesn"t control the game and correctly administer the rules, the game will end in a shambles. I wish you and your family good luck! now start" play" and enjoy the GAME!!

Answer 3

You cannot change another person. Try to change yourself. Try to look for the good in him and be supportive, and non-judgmental. Just be positive yourself, maybe some of it will rub off on him eventually. Why do you have to argue, give in. What difference what you have for dinner? I don't mean that you need to give up your personality or give in on everything, but think about what is important and pick your battles carefully. EVERYTHING can't be that important. Sounds like there has started a power war. You can win the battle and lose the marriage - not very productive. Start trying to give in as much as you can just to get over the struggle (and do it gracefully not begrudgingly), then maybe you can start having some productive dialog once he stops feeling like it is a war. Seek first to understand, rather than to be understood. And no matter how many people try to make themselves and you feel better by saying divorce is better for the kids, trust me, it isn't!! No Way! Single parents are poor, and get worn out from having to do it all and the kids suffer. Try harder.

Answer 4

1 Don't demand that your man should discuss household or other problems the minute he comes home from work. Discussing these problems should be at a time which is good for both of you, and not just when you decide

2 When he is out of work, offer encouragement rather than making constantly derogatory comments to him

3 Do not ask him what he is doing about getting work, first thing in the morning, when you asked him the same question last thing at night. Women imagine that the more that they nag the better the results will be. This is not the case and it leads to marital strife

4 When he is out of work and you are thinking of making derogatory remarks of the good-for-nothing variety, remember how he was supportive when you were out of work

5 A once-a-week drink with the lads down the pub is a necessary release from all the problems he's been having. This does not make him a lazy, good-for-nothing, drunken slob

6 Do not discuss the innermost secrets of your marriage with your friends. When he finds out that your friends know all about him he will be furious

7 Once he's done his 'work for the day' of looking for jobs and phoning uo agencies, he's entitled to spend his time however he wants. Enjoying yourself while out of work is not a crime

8 When he's on the internet looking up jobs in Jobserve or CWJobs and he happens to look at a Contractor Discussion site or plays Solitaire while he is there, don't start accusing him of not really looking for a job – he’s just having a break

9 Listening to music, whistling, smiling, laughing, watching TV or going for a game of pool in the pub while out of work are not crimes crying to God for vengeance

10 Lastly, women imagine that if they lower a man's self-esteem then he won't have the confidence or self-belief to stray with another woman. The opposite will be the case. It will be such a relief to talk to someone of the opposite sex who makes him feel good and wanted again, and who doesn't give him the grief that you do.

BRING BACK THE OLD TIMES...WHEN THE TWO OF YOU FIRST GOT TOGETHER..

Answer 5

Take it easy hun.....

You are in what is likely the hardest stage in marriage. After 4-8 years, people begin to get edgy. They begin to feel a lack of freedom. The kids, job, bills, house are driving them crazy. They blame eachother for everything.

I myself and many others before you thought we were doomed. We needed to understand what marriage takes. You need to focus some of your energy on eachother. It is so easy to let everything else distract you and get you down, but it's important that you get out on dates and have wild, noisy, furniture breaking sex as often as you can.

You guys are so focused on all these other things you have stopped focusing on eachother. The kids at this age take SO much energy. Add money problems and your youth and it all feels like you are straining to the breaking point. You end up neglecting your marriage, which is #1. Without your strong marriage, these other things cannot survive.

Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura. Honest. It goes SO well into what men and women need out of marriage, why marriages fail, and how people pull even the most rotten marriages back from the brink.

Unless someone is beating someone up or having affairs or is a drug addict, you are commited to do everything you can to make it work. You can do it. We did. Many others did.

And it WILL BE WORTH IT.

Good luck hun.

Answer 6

Ever heard of the seven year itch? This is usually the time when people start having the most problems. Between work, children, money problems and anything else life deals us, tension and stress begin to build. My husband and I have been married for 9 years, together a total of 13...we have two children...and I'm a stay at home mom. Life is hard, but we have put our relationship first. We have always been great friends. I don't know about your history together, but maybe you never tried to be friends. I have friends who have said counseling really helped, but along with that they set time apart just for the two of them. Don't give up!

Answer 7

I don't want to tell you either way what to do but I had the same thing 3 years ago!! I finally went and filed for divorce and left with the 2 kids. He of course was still a total butt and then after about a year he actually started being decent. I on the other hand finally found someone I could laugh and enjoy life with and we got married last year. I realized how much my ex husbands negativity was taking it's toll on me, my health and the kids. It was one of th hardest things to do in my life and was even harder the first few months alone but a hug weight was lifted and I wasn't tense and on edge anymore.

Answer 8

Get him to go with you to counseling. Your marriage is doomed if you do not find a way to make peace with one another. You will hopefully learn coping and communication skills and will find out why it is so important for one of you to be the one who is right all the time. If it continues to go on the way it is, you will eventually grow so far apart that nothing you do will ever repair it. You will end up alone but married. Getting older with the children growing up and leaving will leave you and your husband two separate individuals with no connection to each other. To get a divorce without trying to find out what the problem is would be giving up without a fight.

Answer 9

What you want to know is if you can some how make this grumpy negative person into an interesting, compromising ball of sunshine? Everyone starts saying counseling. Why not leave the negativity and frustration and concentrate on you and the kids. They suffer more from the arguing and negativity than a separation. It doesn't have to be permanent but everyone could use a break.

Answer 10

you poor thing. if you're "on the edge of divorce, then sc*ew it. If you're trying to keep it together, you both need serious help. And both have to be willing. Your husband is all wrapped up in his anger, you nag him, it ain't never gonna happen. Back off. Make whatever you want for dinner, he'll just eat it. Don't consult him with things, just leave him alone...soon he'll start to wonder why. Bend over backwards when you have to deal w/him...and he'll wonder why even more. Take some away time for yourself. Try to think straight. Step back and figure out what's going on. Pick and choose your arguments VERY CAREFULLY. MOST of them are not worth the trouble they bring. Try to find little ways to make yourself happy...he's not going to relax at all unless you get off his back. This is gonna take some time, but maybe after everyone calms down and loosens up, you'll be able to figure out yourselves together. I hate this sh*t. MEN CAN SOOOO SU*K!

Answer 11

Of course its negative, your on the verge of divorce. Believe me honey, when it gets this bad, not much you can do. If you want to save things, go to counseling. If your beyond that, get a divorce. This all can't be healthy for your entire family. Its up to you!