y would he want to hurt me?

Question

Can someone please explain to me what is wrong wid my exboyfrend, we went out for 2 yrs, he is 31, but looks 20, he lied, cheated, got me pregnant, I had my baby aborted, he is a really hardworking person who wud go out of his way to help me, but he feels thats compensation for doing so much, to hurt someone. He has done this to all of his girlfrends, but somehow manages to end up making us say sorry for all he does, thus leading us to beg for his love. To make matters worst, I work with him, and he tries his best too hurt me, by speaking to other chicks on his fone deliberately near me. I keep my cool, but I dont know wat to feel anymore, its as though he has managed to kill most of my human emotions.In the 2 years our relationship was off and on every week, sometimes within 2 days. he wanted to control me coz I have more authority @ work, but wen he found he needed me, he would be all sweet and loving.I Luv my job, & our relationship ended 2 weeks ago, I wont leave work coz of him.

Answer 1

You don't need this crap. No one does. He may be 30 and look 20, but he acts like a child. My husband used to always turn things around on me and make them out to be my fault, and I used to buy it. Then, I just decided to grow a pair and stop taking his crap. Instead of apologizing, I just told him to stick and to seriously reevaluate his line of reasoning. I just told him (in so many words) "I'm not going to put up with this garbage anymore. I'm not a bad wife for wanting you to respect me and I'm not a bad mother for wanting some time alone with my husband. That's ridiculous. You even admitted most women would have divorced you a while ago. Just becuase you have your intimacy problems doesn't mean I have to suffer, and I won't anymore. I will not feel guilty for your behavior anymore." My husband even went so far as to tell me I look like a meth addict and tell me he would divorce me if he could trust me to care for our child and not make her anorexic (I'm not anorexic, I just don't pig out all the time like he does). Don't accept any smart answers, and don't get upset when he gives them to you, he will. Don't let him see you cry, and don't ask him what you did wrong to deserve this behavior. That only opens the door to more of the same treatment. You can't just say it, either, you have to mean it. Act on it. Don't put up with the on-again-off-agin stuff. He uses the fact that you will come back to him as a bargaining tool to gain your submission. Tell him where to stick it.

Answer 2

No don't leave work because of him. U are better than him. If he does this to all his girlfriends he is not worth the time of day. You are doing the right thing by showing him that he is not hurting you even though it must be killing you on the inside. He knows you are better than him and that is why he keeps trying to control you. Try and pretend that he isn't even there or that you always seem happy around him, he will be the one to eventually realise he has lost a good thing and with you moving on you will sooner find a man that will treat you right, if you ever go back or keep thinking about him you will be missing out on having a life and enjoying yourself, do not dwell on someone that is not worth it. He will never change and he will keep on hurting the women he is with, you don't have to deal with that anymore you are free of him and enjoy it. You will get all your emotions back once you decide to not let him get to you anymore.
Good luck and I sincerely hope you move on from this man because he will only keep making your life a misery. Good luck with the new you

Answer 3

You need to get away from him. I would either leave the job, or if he has or continues to treat you in an unprofessional manner, action needs to be taken. Most companies have some kind of resource you can use to report harassing behavior. No one should have to work in such a hostile environment. As for the personal side of things, good for you for ending the relationship. Stick to your guns. Often times when someone has low self esteem or doubts in their self, they treat others poorly to make themselves feel better. And don't be fooled by their arrogance...that is not confidence....very different. You can be a very confident person, and still treat others around you with the respect they deserve. Also, if he doesn't love himself, then it would be impossible for him to love anyone else. Sounds kinda selfish, but true. This guy is on a fast track to nowhere....don't let him or any others like him take you with them!

Answer 4

I am a firm believer in the idea that you show people how to treat you. Forget what is wrong with him (seemingly lots) and ask yourself what is wrong with you?

I understand that we can all be tricked by our partners in the beginning, but once you know he is someone so selfish and insensitive, how can you care what such a jerk thinks of you?

Sorry that you had to have the abortion, but I'm sure you did the right thing there. My personal advice is actually to try and make him as uncomfortable as possible at work...even confiding in a fellow female worker or two about the situation, swearing them to secrecy...believe me...it will get out-- nobody in an office can keep a secret.

I am constantly amazed at guys who can do this and get away with it! I treat girls I date really well and wouldn't get away with leaving the toilet seat up.

Lots o' Love.

PS-- Date immediately! I mean today! I know it might feel weird, but the longer you don't, the harder it gets. Also--- mention to all the girls he has a tiny penis and come up with some giggly nickname for him. Also, make up some embarrassing kinks and/or sexual requests he asked you to accomodate.

Answer 5

Sounds like he's a piece of you know what. You should explain to him that you don't appreciate him doing those things. But explain in a calm and collected way. Don't show him that you're hurt. It seems as if he gets a kick out of that. He likes to know that you might be jealous of him talking to other girls. If talking to him gets you no where then it's time to change how you react to the things that he does. Worry about yourself and how you can make yourself a better person and don't worry about what he's doing and trying to do to you. No one can change who he is and what he does but you can make yourself the bigger person. Once you have established that, then whatever he does won't even matter to you anymore.
Point being, focus on yourself and how you can become a better and stronger person from your experience.
He will end up being the same 'ol sorry person that he is.
And you'll laugh at this whole non-sense in the end.

Answer 6

WOW! This sounds so much like my relationship with my ex husband!

Sometimes people are born with a defect. I truly believe that my exhusband had some kind of switch in his head that whenever anything was going well in his life he had to f**k it up. Like a sort of self destruct button.

Maybe your exboyfriend is very insecure about who he is, and the only way he can make himself feel good is to hurt someone.

you need to distance yourself emotionally from him. Whatever you do DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!! It will not work. Dont quit your job, just keep away from him as much as possible. You need to build up your self confidence and self esteem again. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT HE DID THIS TO YOU. Please dont blame yourself. It may be beneficial to see a therapist or councellor to get some confidence back, and then to go out there and find yourself a decent man!!!!

Answer 7

DONT LET HIM KNOW THAT U STILL CARE NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS AND I AM SUPRISED, IF U NEW HE HAS DONE THIS TO OTHER WOMEN Y DID U STILL BE WITH HIM. REMEBER WE WOMEN GET HURT ALL THE TIME THAT IS Y WE ALWAYS HAVE TO KEEP OUR GUARD UP, BE AGGRESIVE AND DONT LEAVE UR JOB ITS HIS LOST AND U CAN DO BETTER, HE KNOWS UR WEAKNESS. TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM AND SHOW HIM THAT U HAVE MOVED ON THE THING EX HATE THE MOST IS BEING IGNEORED AND IF U ARE STILL SPEAKING WTH HIM OR STILL HAVE SEX THEN U NEED TO STOP BECAUSE THAT WILL HURT U MORE. A MAN THAT HURTS A WOMEN DOESNT LOVE HER AND THAT IS WHAT U HAVE TO LOOK AT. BE STRONG BELIEVE ME I KNOW ITS HARD. U ARE A GOOD WOMEN AND HE DOESNT DESERVE U

Answer 8

sounds as if u have a low self worth, and seek men who control u. no one can control u unless u let them. if u don't want to leave your job, than u will just have to put up with him. but u know his past, so avoid him from now on. he is disrespectful towards u, sounds as if on one hand u see his faults, but on the other u are saying he is good. don't make excuses for his bad behavior, he hurt u, he meant to, and sounds as if when he needs u he can become very nice to u, means he is using u for what u can do for him. he has done all these bad things to u, stripping away your self esteem, controlling u, taking advantage of your low self esteem. don't let how he treated u rob u of a future with someone else, this man did u an awful injustice, making u abort your child, cheating on u, lying, how nice is that? get rid of him and don't go back with him, he is only using u.

Answer 9

I'm not sure if i can swear on this site so I'm going to say politely that he sounds like a #$%^head. Get rid of him. Ignore him at work other then when you really need to talk to him then talk in a polite but "professional only" manner. Otherwise pick yourself up. Go out and do things for yourself. Learn to love yourself again and know you can and will do better. Don't accept trash like him because you are not trash. you deserve to be treated like a princess. accept nothing less from any guy.

Answer 10

Every day I am astounded by the number of women who lie broke and wounded at the feet of their man. You need to stand up and walk away from this man that has robbed you of your life and joy. There IS such a thing as being truly happy...but you'll never experience that if you're wrapped up in some immature loser that gets off on lying to and hurting women. You are worth so much more. It's as simple as leaving. You'll be lonely, but you'll have your soul and your peace.