I have a friend who often makes remarks that could be considered rude, and when you call him on it, he always says "I'm just joking!". It happens A LOT.
He corrects my grammar (which, I have to say is seldom wrong). Also he often agrees to participate in things then later b*tches about it. It's as if he purposely (and unconciously?) sets up situations so that he can complain later. Again when you call him on it, such as saying "why did you go then, if you didn't want to?" etc. he says "I'm kidding!" It is obvious he is not. He frequently corrects people and nit-picks. And it doesn't matter who it is...figures that you'd normally respect such as your grandparents or parents (including his own)....makes no difference.
Is this classic passive-aggressive or what? How did you handle it? Our relationship is such that I have no choice but to deal with him all of the time, so I need some tips. Please help before I snap! I really don't want to. Thanks.
2007-01-25 00:38:33 · 20 answers · asked by Maudie 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
As I mentioned...I don't want to get into why but I have no choice but to deal with him on a regular basis.
2007-01-25 00:54:45 · update #1
Classic scenario: he likes to complain and ***** about things, but doesn't actually stand up for his opinions. He tries to avoid discussing the conflict or conflict situations by always saying he's kidding (out of fear that people will get sick of his constant whining). By saying he's "just kidding", he thinks it makes him look like less of a jackass. If you would actually get pissed at him for complaining, he'd say you have no sense of humor. Saying that everything was just a joke is a common backdoor out of sticky situations.
In my opinion, this guy has massive self-esteem problems and needs time to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. However, that's no excuse for having to deal with his shitty behavior. Tell him to stop always "kidding around". Tell him to be just honest or people will get fed up with him. He must realize that people are pissed off by the way he's acting. If he calls you on your criticism, tell him you don't want him to be excluded and only mean well.
I've also been with people like that. Totally immature and annoying, I know.
2007-01-25 01:08:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am like that!! I also expect to much from something then when it isn't exactly how I thought it would be I am very disappointed. I am in counseling which is helping. If you know how your friend will react to the situation then you should expect it and accept that this is who he is and if you are a true friend you will learn to like him for who he is or you will need to terminate the relationship. The "just joking" comment is because he truly does not want to hurt anyone. I am a very blunt person but I do not mean to hurt any ones feeling with what I say. It is a double edged sword.
2007-01-25 08:48:00 · answer #2 · answered by chilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say..."You insecure little man, correct me one more time or make a crack about anyone in my presence and I will inflict tremendous pain on you! The kind that no one could possibly endure!"
Make sure you have some nasty comments on hand in case it continues; there is no way this guy is perfect. Hit him where it hurts!
If he still doesn't let up and pulls that stuff again, kick him or pinch him really hard and than smile and say "just kidding".
And remember...you are really just trying to be a friend and discipline him...don't ever forget that 'it hurts you more than it hurts him' ;)
2007-01-25 08:48:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...How long has this been going on?! The man you are describing is my husband!! No but really, some men are just like that. He might be the type guy that isn't very physically intimidating so he compensates with his mental wit. Or he might just be your run of the mill Smart Alec. My advice is that if you can't seem to deal with that, you should just sort let him go. Just cut it short. If he's otherwise a sweet man (like mine), just accept the good with the bad.
2007-01-25 08:47:52 · answer #4 · answered by danielle_la_flor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you're going through, my son is alot like your friend. It is completely irritating and frustrating. Have you made your friend aware of his actions? Alot of times people don't even realize how annoying they act! Some times they still don't care even after they're shown. If you explain to him how he says things, and point out that it alienates him from other people, get him to think how he'd feel if he was having these things done to him. If this doesn't work then snap away, you gave him a heads up. It's up to him to change after that.
2007-01-25 08:49:56 · answer #5 · answered by Rosalind S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use to have a friend like that too. Nothing I ever did was good enough, and they complained if things didn't go their way. One day I decided I had enough, and I told her how I felt. We haven't talked in years. At first I wondered if I had made the right decesion but now I know I did. You should try talking to your friend and let him know how you feel. If he doesn't respect your feelings, you should consider the friendship. :o)
2007-01-25 08:44:59 · answer #6 · answered by Lacey C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wenver he does this, u retaliate by saying, "yeah, like wateva" and carry on ur carry on ur conversation, pretend to be oblivious to everything he says, he will get the message, it is becoz of reactions he got that he got that he continuously behaved that way. He probably treats u this way, coz that is how he was brought up, being corrected all the time.
2007-01-25 09:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by channy_330pointblank 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call him on it! Read this post to him! He will either realize no one sees through his crap, or he will realize what he is truly doing. If not, then just ignore him completely, he isnt worth the time if he doesnt care what others think or feel. Good luck this is a hard situation!
2007-01-25 08:46:01 · answer #8 · answered by reneestoy1978 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a friend like that she is always trying to correct me after she yells at me for wearing things from abercrombie/victorias secret or other stores she doesnt like. then the other day she was looking through the songs on my ipod and she was saying stuff like "oh why do you have that song their really bad ew prep music shame shame" (all she has on her 16 is 16 songs that she got from me and my other friend) then when we say something shes like "i was only kidding". or if we go to say something to her like that she gets all bitchy. shes in a modified gym class, which is a sped guy class and she is always rubbing it in about how shes in honors english. so when ever she says it i tell her that shes still in sped gym. its rude and annoying.
2007-01-25 08:46:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does this to make himself feel important. Have a serious talk with him and if he doesn't try to change his way of behaving, tell him you no longer wish to be around him.
Putting you or anyone else down is his way to boost his ego.
2007-01-25 08:47:42 · answer #10 · answered by rustybones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋