Help with in-laws?

Question

What do you do when you want nothing to do with your wife's family. They are all self-centered, opinionated, petty and vindictive. They gossip endlessly, they are morbid and depressive. What can I do? I want to get my wife away from them, because they drag her down and make her life miserable. Help please

Answer 1

In-laws can often treat you like the out-law. Are you and your wife in a position you can move? You can call it a career opportunity. Or, if that is not an option, have a calm and sincere talk with your wife (and maybe even the inlaws) and say how you feel, and that maybe it is best you did not go aroound them because of how it makes you feel. Good luck on that. I face the same problem. The biggest thing is being sincere and not vindictive.

Answer 2

Sounds like my EX inlaws! :)

Begin by finding ways to spend more time alone with your wife. You need to find an activity that you can both do on a regular basis, together, that will take up some more of your time. This gives you a chance to work on your life together, without the interference of the inlaws. Even if it's joining a local gym, church, club, anything that will get you out of the house and away from those who want to constantly bring her down!

If, worst case scenario, your wife refuses this idea and still (for whatever reason) wants to continue to spend time with her family, consider doing an activity by yourself. My big advice is make sure it is something worthwhile (volunteer at hospital, soup kitchen, homeless shelter, etc) You get the idea. That way, you can politely explain to the inlaws that you are so sorry that you cannot hang with them that day but you are putting your time into something that is near and dear to your heart that you have always wanted to do. This takes care of several things at once: you do not have to listen to their gossip, you don't need to "excuse" why you are not going there anymore, and they cannot possibly criticize this effort on your part to help others who are less fortunate. This will also be a tremendous influence on your wife as well, as you can encourage her to join you!

OK, since you cannot possibly avoid them forever, here's what I would do. KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS!!!!!!!! Even though you are going to have to bite your tongue and it might be tough, believe me it works! When they begin gossiping, just answer every single thing with "Oh, really?....Oh, really?" This will drive them nuts because you are not agreeing or disagreeing with them. You are remaining totally neutral. Trust me on this, I use it at work and in "real life" with nasty family members. KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND ACT HAPPY! No matter what, do this (along with the oh, really?) If someone makes a wise crack like "What the hell do you have to be so happy about?" have a list of answers ready for them! Tell them that happiness is a CHOICE. You can choose to be miserable each day or happy, and you have chosen happiness. You have a wonderful wife that you love. The list can go on and on.

Remember, your wife is after all a part of this group and there must be something good in them since you chose your wife as your life partner. If you want to begin to change those around you, first look in the mirror and change yourself to be more cheerful and tolerant around them. I guarantee this will work.

Answer 3

This is a no brainier. You have to move a few thousand miles away, and I am not kidding. The only other alternative is to allow wifey to do as she pleases as long as it does not interfere with your domestic tranquility. You cannott change these people, but can stay away as much as possible. Perhaps, your ....work ( ha) hours have been increased when family dinners are scheduled/. Perhaps you are not feeling well.

A move across country is the better alternative to eliminate them. And that means when they want to visit, they cannot, unless you are out of town on business for just a few days, the days they are there. If wifey balks, a therapist for you two together two work out boundaries is necessary so that she does not harbor resentments towards you.

My former brother in law stayed away because of my dad...and so did I.

Answer 4

See if you can get your wife to at least move across town from them. You, yourself, can choose to distance yourself from these people. It will be more difficult for her to do this. Talk to her and if she wants your help, you can start answering the phone and saying she is busy and make other arrangements for when they come around. And your wife can refuse to gossip with them. Some families are like that.

Answer 5

Handle this situation with the utmost of care. Your wife will be very protective of her family. Don't make her chose between you and her family. That is such a HORRIBLE spot to be in for a woman (or man for that matter).

Can you limit your time with them. Just to give your wife the best of both worlds. That of her family and with her huband.

Best of luck handling this situation.

When you are in a situation you often do not realize that the negativity is there.

Answer 6

well, this is a hard situation...if you get your wife away from them, she may resent you for it. Tell her how you feel, and that you care for her and these people arent good for her, BUT that you will respect her decision if she decides to keep in contact with them. Forcing her will only bring disaster! If she agrees, you dont HAVE to move thousands of miles away, just dont answer the door or phone, it works, trust me, my extended family doesnt have anything to do with my life and they live across town!

Answer 7

Hay when you married your wife you married into her Family,just smile,be polite and make your appearances and leave.I would not speak ill of your wife's family to her i am sure she knows be strong for her and make your own family loving ,caring,selfless and be happy. I hope you do not live close? if so talk about putting some distance between you all and them.

Answer 8

depends on what your wife thinks of them. If she is of same mind as you, should be easy to minimize contact. If not, be polite but try to limit things to major stuff like holidays. probably best to try to get wife into other outside activities, preferably but not necessarily including yourself, to occupy her time and let her draw away from them

Answer 9

If they're making both of you miserable, don't see them anymore. Some people are just toxic. It's sad when it's family.

Answer 10

Explain to your wife how you feel.They are her family you may have to live with it and it may get worst.