Can my marriage be saved?

Question

About 2 months ago my husband of 3 years lost his mother in a car accident.At the time I was overseas in the UK working on a business deal.He asked me to fly back but when I tried explaining to him that I had to stay for another 2 weeks to close this huge deal he hung up on me.I could have let someone else close the deal but I wasn't about to let someone else take credit for my work.I've been back for 6 weeks now and things have been very strained between us.I hate this and if I can't make him understand I'll have no choice but to leave him.How do I get through to him? He's civil enough but barely looks me in the eye anymore.I'm barely ever home due to work and when I am we barely talk let alone do anything else.I did what I had to do,why won't he get that?He survived his mother's death without me just fine so why won't he just forgive me?

Answer 1

He needed you by his side to help him through what had to be one of the worst experiences of his life. You chose a business deal over him and he is hurt by this decision. Sadly, it seems that you have chosen your career over you marriage. This may be something that he cannot get over. I don't think I could. You two will need counseling and re-prioritizing before this marriage will be salvageable.

Answer 2

You should have come home. Even if it was for a few days to help him through the funeral services. This was a time that he needed you big time and you turned your back on him. You may not see it that way but you did. It might have been a little different if his mother was sick for some time and that she would be passing soon. I think your husband might have been okay with you staying to close some work deal. But you were wrong to not come home and be there for him in this situation. What a tragic loss for him and the entire family to lose someone that way. And he has every right to be upset about it. I'm upset with you and I don't know you at all. Have you apologized to him? Have you done anything to go out of your way to be comforting to him? I'm guessing no. It seems that you're more concerned about yourself and your feelings. And you feel that you did what you had to do. Maybe he's doing what he needs to do right now. Not only is he dealing with his mother's death, but he's dealing with it alone even though you are there. Seriously wake up!!! Life is too damn short to worry about work so much. You know deep down you still would have gotten the credit on that deal even though you weren't there for a few days. As a matter of fact I think the people around you would have thought more highly of you for being there for your husband and closing the deal. But no, you just didn't want to leave. Don't be surprised if your husband has already made up his mind about you. He's seen a side of you that he's clearly not happy with. If you want to save your marriage you have got to straighten up your act. And you have some work to do. The sooner the better. Sorry I couldn't sugar coat it for you.

Answer 3

I have to answer this question by asking you a question. If it was your mother that passed away and you wanted your husband to be there what would you expect of him? You can save this, but you have to look at it from his point of view. It almost sounds like you did not make an attempt to be there for your husband at a time when he really needed you. He lost his mother- no one can replace your mother.

Now I know that you are career driven and you have every right to be that way, but if you want your marriage to work. you are going to have to accept that fact that you failed to be there for your husband at a time where he was reaching out to you because he needed you. Has he ever gotten in the way of your career?
Secondly, You need to make balance with your life get some structure, and make the time for your career, your husband , and personal time for you too. Marriage involves give and take I am sure that you guys can work it out, but you both will have to work on it. The first step should be by you looking at what you can do better in your relationship and him doing the same.

Answer 4

First question, is your mother still alive? If she is than you have no idea what its like to have your mother die. Depending on his relationship with his mother, it can be devastating. Shame on you for putting your stupid deal before the man you are supposed to love. He needed you and you chose to stat behind to close a deal that could have been done by someone else. And so what if that person blew the deal, would you have survived that ! Is that what life is about to you? Money? Life is about love, money comes and goes . How much money does a person need? Do you have a roof over your head, do you have food to eat? Can you pay your bills? Yes , money is nice to have, but shouldnt be placed ahead of family. Hopefully you havent screwed up your marraige for the sake of a "deal". Now his mother is dead, theres no changing that. You chose not to be there, there's no changing that. There is always another deal to make. You made the wrong choice, not him.

Answer 5

are you serious? it's only been 2 months since his mother died. he has not survived it yet. he may have gotten through the funeral without you, but you don't just stop grieving because the funeral is over.

you are acting like he is the one with the problem, but he's not. YOU ARE. his mother died and you chose to finish a business deal rather than fly back to home support and help your husband through this horrible ordeal. you seem to me to be a very selfish person. you obviously care more about your life and career and personal accomplishments that you do about your husband or your marriage.

you want to know why he won't forgive you? it's because you don't deserve to be forgiven. you don't even feel like you did anything wrong.part of asking for forgiveness is to be sorry for what you've done. (why would you ask to be forgiven for something if you don't think there was anything wrong with it).

maybe your husband is finally seeing you for the person you really are and he doesn't like what he sees. can this marriage be saved? anything is possible. but until you understand what you did, how you hurt him, are truly sorry and sincerely ask for forgiveness i really don't think it has a chance. personally, i hope he leaves your selfish behind and finds someone that will truly love and respect him.

Answer 6

WOW ! When you married your husband you married him for better or worse did you not? Yea he survived, but come on he lost his only mother, not only was he hurting from the death of his mother, you betrayed him. I cant imagine someone getting a divorce over this matter, seems to me you must be looking for a reason to leave anyway, or you just feel so guilty and the only way to make yourself feel better is to turn it all around and make look as though the failure of your marriage is all his fault. You are going to look pretty sorry in front of a judge explining this one.

Answer 7

Your instincts are right on the money! Show this man the door. It'll be difficult at first, and it will hurt for a while, but with the guidance and compassion of loved ones (family and friends) he will soon come to realize that losing you was the best thing that ever happened to him!
As for you, check ebay and see if you can get a good deal on compassion. Barring that, check with your insurance provider and see if a heart implant is covered. And if you ever contemplate marriage again in the future, be sure it is for the right reasons next time: In yourcase, that would be sex (maybe, maybe not) and/or diversification of your portfolio.

Answer 8

Are you sure you want to save it? It is obvious that your job comes first, even with the death of a family member. Let your husband go. You are a selfish and self-centered person and most likely are better off alone.
Your hubby is still in the grieving process and his grief is about his mother and his wife. He cant do anything for him mother but he most likely is thinking about you and if he wants the "so called marriage" to continue.
A marriage counselor for both is highly recommended

Answer 9

First off this is your HUSBAND you should have been there for him, no matter what you were doing.. If someone else could have closed the deal then you should have been on your way home the second you got the phone call from your husband..Marriage is a two way street..he needed you at this horrible sad time in his life.. It's very hard to lose your mother.. When you got married I'm sure you promised to be there in sickness and in health, better or worse.. Your husband needed you and you wasnt there for him.. SHAME ON YOU!!!! If you want to save your marriage you need to apologize to him and tell him you were wrong for not being there like you should have been..

Answer 10

He didn't survive his mother's death without you! He lost one of the women in his life that ment the world to him and the other one (YOU) was not there for him. You are the one who needs to make a sacrifice and tell him you made a mistake. If you love this man and you want you marriage to work you are going to have to devote a little more time working on your relationship. Dont blame him for not understanding. He is the one who lost his mother. How would you deal with this if he wasn't there for you. Put yourself in his situation. You may consider counseling together.