Help please. I hate her?

Question

I am typing this message and my girlfriend is sitting right across from me. We did not have a fight or anything like that, but I really hate this women. I think it has something to do with the type of person she is. She has the illest of tempers and I find that she takes her frustrations out on me, even if I was not the cause of it. The strange thing is though, she insists that she loves me. I tried breaking up with her, but she refuses to accept it. How can I make her understand that I do not want to be with her..

Answer 1

Pray hard. Ask God to give you just the right words for this woman. And say what He says, and do what He tells you to do.

She sounds like a woman who is immature and who has a lot of growing up to do. You have to decide once and for all, is this the woman I want to be with? Also look at your own track record... do you end up hating all the women you ever have been with? In that case, look into yourself and try to discern what the problem is. You may have a little bit of growing up to do too. (We ALL do!! I am 37, and I STILL do too!!)

So... main question... is this the woman I want to be with?
3 possible answers follow:

If the answer is yes, then try to be more patient with her. Ask yourself, what was it that attracted you to her in the first place... and try to focus on that. Try to become honest with her about what is bothering you and making you angry with her, but let her know it gently. ("I love you, but I want to ask you again to please stop leaving the toothpaste cap off dear... ok? It makes for easy contamination of the toothpaste which isn't healthy for either of us" for the third time... instead of... "I can NOT beLIEVE you LEFT the CAP off the TOOTHpaste aGAIN!! DANG!!") If you can't seem to work it out, consider the counseling option below.

If the answer is maybe, then try to discern what is it about her that is driving you nuts. Suggest to her that you both begin seeing a family counselor, and ask her to commit to going to weekly counseling sessions with you for six months. Inform the counselor of the problems and enlist their help. They will counsel you both individually, and likely one session a month will be a "together" session where you can make some progress as a couple. Try to work on getting to the root of what angers you about her behavior. Try to work on getting to the root of what causes her ill temper and why she takes out her frustrations on you. (Keep in mind, that if a man who I loved hated me... I would probably be very frustrated too.) And try for the moment, to hang in there and reserve your judgment until you can determine if there is some good reason for her frustration. Then see if through counseling, there might be a way she can conrol her temper and not take things out on you, because that is wrong and does not make for a good relationship.

If the answer is no, then don't keep stringing her along. Explain in detail how you feel. Make plans to change the situation, and inform her of your plans. Then stick to your plans, unless the Lord Himself changes your heart and mind about it. If you are living in her house, find somewhere else to go and spend the night. Many homeless shelters, if you will follow their rules, will help you over a period of 6-8 weeks to get established in your own apartment, etc. If she is living in your house, give her a set number of days to move out, be fair about it if you can, so that she is not just out on the streets. Mention to her that there are homeless shelters that will help her, if she has no family to help her. If you two are not living together, then it is easier... simply explain that you no longer wish to communicate with her, and stop answering the phone. If she becomes psycho, contact the police and get a restraining order if necessary.

Above all else... don't play games with her. Don't kid your own self by saying you hate her, but by your very continued presence, giving off the impression that you love her instead.

We've got to love people with the love of Christ. We've got to keep forgiving them, in the same way the Lord has forgiven us. That love and forgiveness will remain even after a romance breaks off. But don't mislead her in your intentions of romance by the way you keep hanging around the places where she "is." Unless, of course, you have decided you want to stay with her after all. In any case... all my best to you! God bless you and her. :)

Answer 2

How sad.

You need to examine exactly how you feel and why. Saying "I think it is because..." is not going to help you resolve the matter.

Most women have a temper (I know- AM one! LOL!) and this can often be related to how we were brought up (generally to NOT show our extreme emotions such as bad temper) or how we are feeling or dealing with a place we are at in life. Perhaps (and I hate to pigeon-hole us poor ladies!) it is a mood thing- perhaps depression, dissatisfaction or even erm- hormonal reasons are in play just now?

OK- so that might excuse her temper, or rather- explain it.

But what of you? WHY is she so bad tempered in your eyes (around you)? Do you HAVE or even WANT to have a good relationship? I mean "did" because you are asking how to let her know it is over...

How to let a woman know it is over...

Hmm...

Leave.

It is really very, very simple. IF you are clear how you feel (and you do not yet appear to be so examine it and make up your mind why and then act) and you are committed to leaving her or having her leave you (a bit less realistic- you are the one not wanting the relationship so I guess you will need to make the sacrifices to get what YOU want. ;-) ) then she will know this when you tell her.

If you are not convinced she won't be either.

And as I type this I wonder- do you feel "abused" in this relationship? If so you may wish to seek counselling for that. Don't think you are a failure in a relationship because you seek advice (which is what you are doing anyway)- rather use it as a means to an end YOU need and deserve. And relationship/marriage counselling is available to anyone, not just married couples or the woman!

So- act now. Make an examination of your feelings for her, make a positive step to get the courage to change your life and then do it.

The rest will follow.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Don't let her keep you as an emotional hostage. If you are living with her, pack your stuff and leave. If she is living with her, go downtown and get an eviction notice followed up with a restraining order. Then she will have no choice. This part is for your girlfriend. You are a very angry person and are striking out at the wrong person. You need counseling. Or at the least, find someone that you can talk to and work through your feelings. You can start by writing everything down. You aren't a bad person but you have to get a handle on what is upsetting you so bad. You are the only one that can fix yourself. Good Luck

Answer 4

telling someone you feel they treat you like crap is not something to apologize for,,what can they say?" SO....i can treat you any way i like and there is nothing you can do about it!' usually the person we are closest to does tend to get all the negative side of a person specifically because they are closest to you,,thats all but if this person does treat you badly and there is no good reason but they are just like that you need to go,,no one has the right to make another feel bad,girlfriend or otherwise and if you truly hate her it would be better all round to not let these thoughts linger.end it before your moral is at an all time low and you lose the will to make a change to your life,,if she doesnt make you happy there is someone out there who will and while you are with this woman now the chances of finding someone nicer are not good.get out...sort yourself...feel better and more like your old self and try again,,there is one thing,,you now know that this type of woman is not for you and never need make the same mistake again.

Answer 5

watch and learn
remember what is happening to you mentally and emotionally by someone you have opened yourself up to. You possibly don't do that much to just anyone.
There is a fine line between what she IS to you and what she WAS to you.
Ever hear the saying"familiararity breeds contempt"?
Well, it is a classic. She may be seeing you as an extention of herself and therefore -anything goes.
Whatever you do; leave her, gross her out or not.
LET Her know she doesn't own you and then if she has a problem with that-- She is no longer welcome to share the path you are on. end of story.

Answer 6

You're going to have to find the strength to leave. If you have to leave while she's not home. Go stay with friends or family. Sounds like a cardboard box would be better than where you are now. When she comes looking for you, that's when you're going to have to be strong. Tell her she's not a very nice person and you don't want to be with her anymore. If you have to tell her you hate her. Good luck.

Answer 7

If this girl is refusing to budge and is not leaving your house, let her hang for awhile. As soon as she leaves, lock all your doors and file a restraining order against her.

Block your email or cancel your email account. Change your phone number, and put all her personal belongings out in the front lawn after she's gone.

The court house opens in five hours.

Answer 8

There 's no use for flowery words. You need to tell it straight to her face. It's better to face the bees than poking at its hive. If she insists she loves you, why does she turn you into a punching bag each time her nail breaks? Or when her period bothers her? You could give her words of support, but seemed like she nipped your actions right at the bud.

You have to tell her directly before you lose your sanity.

Answer 9

If she won't listen to you you may have to take it to the step. Either you pack your stuff and get out or you pack her stuff and put it on the porch. Once you've told her why you want to break up, you should not have to fight for your freedom. She's just trying to hold on to nothing as if there is something worth hanging onto...maybe she has a control issue. Just don't let this hate consume you. Try to forgive her and offer friendship, just not as her boyfriend anymore. Best of luck.

Answer 10

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