For Married couples, money question??

Question

Hi I would just like to know what situation you and your spouse have as far as money is concerned.
we have been married 3 years and have always had seperate bank accounts which was fine before, as i had my own place and paid all the monthly bills etc, but now it is starting to annoy me that I pay for everything! I have just worked out my monthly out goings and in total I pay out £1276.31 on gas electric insurance loans credit cards mobile phones (mine and his)etc etc, both of the credit cards were maxed out by him but in my name so im paying them. I only get £1350 a month so that doesnt leave me much spare cash,
My husband gets paid around £2500 a month give or take £500 as it depends on how much overtime he does and all he pays is the car insurance £45 per month and mortgage £645 per month!!
If I ask him for money he can be very funny with me and say he has to pay the mortgage and blar blar blar he seems to think that if he has one big bill it cancels out all my little ones that...

I have to pay, and Im always skint going overdrawn and getting charged etc, I have no idea where his money goes, but I never see any of it
what should I do its not fair and he wont listen sorry for waffling and thanks for helping in advance xx

When I first met him he was in debt quite bad as he had just split from his ex wife so I paid most of his debts off for him etc and thats why I paid everything else I think it has just carried on and i have let it, a joint bank account is out of the question to him though

Answer 1

Sounds like the money problems may be a symptom of deeper problems like a control issue. Time to take an inventory of your relationship and possibly seek marriage counseling.

Answer 2

I often see this and wonder why these two people are married... The entire definition of marriage is two people becoming one. One of the biggest things married people fight about is money. The easiest solution? You're married, you share EVERYTHING, why can't you share money? One bank account, one person handles the finances, all the bills are paid and put some in savings, split what's left over. My husband and I have been together for over 4 years and have never once fought about money. Not ONCE. We decided I am better with the finances, so all the money goes into the bank, I pay the bills, and he gets like $100 a week for gas, smokes, etc. He also has a debit card in case he runs out before next pay. He then brings home the receipts so I can log the deductions. It's very simple and at any given time, he is more than welcome to peek in on bills, accounts, etc. I think he finds it easier just to not have to worry about it.

I really do feel bad for you, if you and your husband do not trust each other enough to share your money - I can't see anything good coming of it, sorry to say.

Answer 3

OK, so you have a monthly combined income of 3350 and outgoings of around 2000. That leaves 1350 between you (if he doesn't get any overtime). I would say that you have to have a balance here somewhere, either a percentage of your relative incomes going into another account for paying bills or split it. Splitting it would still be unfair on you but you would at least end up with considerably more per month than you do now.
If there is no resolution, you should consider making an ultimatum (although once you do, you cannot back down - if you do once you always will).
Personally, my wife and I have always had separate accounts, I am not even sure who pays for what. What I do know is that all the money coming into the house is 'ours'. Since I am also lucky enough to earn approximately 6 times what my wife does it clearly make sense for most payments to come out of my account. Also we have a monthly standing order from my account to hers.

Answer 4

Me and my boyfriend recently bought a house and we straight away opened a joint bank account and worked out how much our monthly bills would cost in total and each month when we get paid into our seperate bank accounts we each put half the money for the bills in the joint account and that pays all our bills!!! I have my own credit card and as does he which we both pay seprate and i have a cataloge which i pay seperate!! But as for money if he needs it and i have it he can have it and vice versa!!! We both buy things for the house and each other with whatever money left after we put money in Joint account, which i might add pays for food aswell. Now we are engaged to be married and i think things will probably just stay the same when we get married!! Good Luck with things xx i do not think your husband is being fair to you!!!

Answer 5

When my husband and I got married... we both already had our own bank accounts and it has stayed that way. My husband was in debt before I met him and I helped him ... now the debt's all finished.

We only opened a joint account for our wedding money savings also money gifts but that's all finished now.

We do not have a number of credit cards and only keep one for emergencies also we prefer account books to avoid getting into debts.

My husband and I have went through all the bills.... we pay most of it through direct debit so its same price per month so its easier for us to manage our bills rather than panic one month for not having enough money.

We both agreed to go halves on the monthly bills (electricity, TV License, gas etc) while the big one (Mortgage) is my husband's responsibility. With that I pay for the food and children's clothes.

I do not get housekeeping money from my husband like my mother and grandmother would receive. I prefer to pay my own way and I keep an regular eye on my bank account weekly.

I always tell my husband that if he finds himself struggling then come to me and we can work out something. We have been fine so far! Been together for years now.

Talk to your husband and go through the monthly bills... maybe set up a joint account for bills soley to be paid monthly.

I prefer just to transfer my money that I am due for my half of the bills over into my husband's account before the bills come in per month. That way his account is sorted and ready for paying the bills. My husband has no problems with that and is happy.

Answer 6

I think what most people do financially is not what you should be asking, but instead, what works for you. I think many people (maybe even most) put money into a family account. But most people have no idea how much they are bringing in, how much they are spending, and how much they are wasting. While its not a bad idea to have a single joint account, there are other options. Personally, I can keep track of who spent on what much better if money and spending habits are separated. Whatever you choose, you (even if you have seperate accounts) is sit down and figure out how much money you have after taxes per week/two weeks. Then, figure out what your basic monthly expenses are. With what is left over, figure out how much you can afford to put into a 401K or IRA while also putting money in the bank account(s) to up your savings. If you are like most people, you may not have much money left to worry about after that. As far as discretionary spending, whether joint or separate, have a conversation about what you are both comfortable spending after you figure out the rest of your savings/spending list. Just make sure you are both honest, open, and on the same page financially!

Answer 7

My husband pays all of the bills but we have a joint account I am on a self imposed allowance
but if I were you I would sit down with your honey and go over all of the expenses and then either get a seperate account for the household and each put in half of the expenses or have him give you half and you continue to pay if he refuses then you have more problems then money

Answer 8

My wife and I have been married for 2 years, but have been together and shared expenses for over 10 years.

We each have our own personal account where are paychecks are automatically deposited. We also have a shared third account for our expenses (rent, mortgage, shared credit cards, etc). Twice a month, we each put deposit our share of the expenses into this third account and all payments are made from this account.

This method works out great as we each have our own money to spend without having to answer for it. It's also good around xmas time as you can buy gifts and not have the your significant other know how much you spent.

Answer 9

We have joint account since we got married - 3 years ago. My husband has always paid most of bills since we have moved in together, what ever i earned which hasnt been much as have a child has been spending money for both of us. It is all shared.
Why not sit down work out total of outgoings and split them if he is not willing to have joint account. Its not fair you paying the majority.
Good luck

Answer 10

I think you should have a good sit down and a chat!!

We have a joint account. All of our wages go into the joint and we both pay whatever bills we have and we both spend whatever we want when we want.

Why don't you work out how much your bills are and then split them equally, open up a 3rd bank account and pay the money into that, and have all the direct debits taken out of there?

Answer 11

My husband earns at least twice as much as me. He pays the mortgage, all the utility bills and insurance, and my mobile phone bill. I pay him a nominal amount towards the mortgage and all the food is paid for by me (and the pet insurance). We have a joint bank account and our own accounts. Every now and again I will pay into the joint bank account but I NEVER take anything out of it. Works fine for us - he realises he earns more and is therefore happy to contribute more to the house. I pay for our cleaner but do all the ironing and tidying up in the house. We take it in turns to cook.