my fiance...whom i've been with through everything...his pills use...his abuse...his...wanting to be with his ex wife...i've been his best friend..loved him through everything for four years. We were getting married in three months...he's been over his ex wife for over a year...and they've been divorced for 5 years. They...didn't talk for about 2-3 years..and they started talking as friends. He tried to get her back for a while..but once he was finally over her,...he gave me his heart and like I said..we were getting married in three months. We went to go visit our home town.....that his family and all of our old friends live in. She lives there. He was hanging out with her about 4 times in a week. I did not like it and told him, but we would fight..he tried to break it off with me twice...but would assure me that he's with me and loves me and doesn't feel taht way about her. TO my surprise, the night we get back from our trip, he tells me taht he's not in love with me because he has
2007-01-24 21:54:19 · 12 answers · asked by Starla 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
feelings for her, but when asked if he was in love with her, he said no and said that he loves both of us. We are broken up now..and he wont go to counceling...he wants to give things time and see what happens. I feel like he blames himself for not treating her right. She cheated on him with another man and left him. I've talked with her about this current situation and she explained to me that he did not treat her right and she left to be with this other man to get over him because it hurt too much, but noone understands her like him and she couldn't deny her feelings anymore, so she told him and he told her the same.
Is he confused...or can he really love both of us?
2007-01-24 21:56:43 · update #1
Dump him and keep the jewelry. Don't allow yourself to be walk on like that. You deserve someone who will love you back the way you love. Walk away and wash your hands of it.
2007-01-24 22:03:47 · answer #1 · answered by kelstar 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He 'can' love you both, but that's not healthy.
He is obviously not over her, and it does not matter the reason for it- you need to move on.
He is trying to be with you, because he obviously cares for you, but is still overwhelmed by his feelings for his ex-wife. You will NEVER be able to have a happy and whole relationship with him while he is dividing his attentions.
He obviously is not ready to make the choice to have you- and only you in his life right now. And that's what is needed if you were to be able to move forward in your relationship.
So YOU need to be the stonger person, and take charge of your life and do something that is good for you. You need to move on, he is not ready for you and you should not try and wait around for him to figure out how to change that. And chances are, it will not happen with you in the picture. This is a hard lesson that he needs to learn on his own.
You deserve better- a half a man is no man at all.
2007-01-25 06:23:23 · answer #2 · answered by Bearess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is possible to love two people almost the same, but in the end you always have to think that life would better with one of them than the other. my man and I had a similar incident and said he needed some space coz he didn't think he could ever get over his ex. But he said if things are meant to be they will work out so even though it hurt, I let him have his space. We still saw each other about once a week and he invited me to have lunch but it was hard being around him. We almost kissed the one day and he said that he knew that that would be unfair to me so he would only kiss me to let me know he had chosen me. So what I did was try to be the best person I could be and show him our life could be fun together. Two weeks later we were out for the night and he gave me the sweetest kiss ever. i think that that is what you need to do for yur man. explain to him that only one of you will make his life a much better one and he needs to decide who. Also just show him how you can be there for him. And if he does not choose you then you still know you did the right thing and you will know and won't have to keep guessing. Also after all you've done for him, if he doesn't know how you are there for him then he doesn't deserve you! Good luck and keep your chin up. respect girl. and if he ever lifts that hand again, just know that someone out their has the ability to make life happier than what he is.
2007-01-25 06:07:50 · answer #3 · answered by Guppy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Oh my..you need to read what you wrote and then ask yourself if he is really worth all that heartache!! Just walk away..You said yourself he is abusive, does drugs, etc.. You really want to marry someone like that?
He may have feelings for the both of you but I highly doubt it is love, people don't treat people they love like dirt....Good luck
2007-01-25 06:11:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mommadog 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To your fiance, the relationship with his ex never really ended. She cheated on him, but he got over of it too late. It will take him being with her again to see all the other things he didn't like about her, and by then, it might be too late for you...
I'd let him go. His head is not in the right place and his heart doesn't know what it wants.
2007-01-25 06:00:15 · answer #5 · answered by RIffRaffMama 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There are different kinds of love.
He may care about you in a way that is a type of love but he isn't in love with you. You can only be in love with one person, I don't care what anyone saids.
When you are in love you don't want to be with anyone period. You will do anything for that person.
He doesn't love you like he does her. Oblivously, sounds like they are made for each other in a bad way of course.
You are too good for him. Please have some respect and move on.
2007-01-25 05:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he can be in love with both of you. But regardless of that or whether he's confused you deserve someone who loves only you. Believe me, I've been there & unless you leave him & not talk to him AT ALL, you'll never give him the chance to find out how much he loves you
2007-01-25 06:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it is my situation in reverse. He is confused, but he cannot give you all of himself, which is what you deserve while he is working thru this. You may just not be the one for him and he probably does not knwo what to do because he does not want to hurt either of us.... let him go honey - someone out there can give you all of himself, he's just not the one too.
so sorry....
2007-01-25 13:16:18 · answer #8 · answered by XXXFAIRY 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are unresolved issues with his ex, they Both appear to still be in love with each other. unfortunately u were the one who was there for him in his times of need, who helped him get past some bad things, now that he is better, and past the bad, he is looking to repair something he did in his past, looking to go back in time and prove something, to change something, to undo something and it has all to do with his ex. yes he may love u, but not enough. best to let him go, u gave it your best and it didn't work now u have to accept it, and leave it alone.we all to a point would like to go back in time, change something we did, make it right, could be alot of guilt he is having.
2007-01-25 08:15:18 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why waste your time playing second? My mother has always told me that I can afford to be choosy and never to settle.
Move on, you deserve a man who will love you, only you and put you first. Tell him he can have his ex-wife.
I wish you the best!
2007-01-25 06:15:27 · answer #10 · answered by TINY822 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋