Is he just using me??

Question

My friend is going through divorce. And through this process we have been spending every weekend together and try to see each other at least once during the week. When we r together we have a great time. We used to talk on the phone about 3-4 hours every night and text throughout the day. We have fallen in love with each other The problem is, I'm not sure if he is just using me.(I am a very insecure person anyway) He has 3 kids and can barely make it on his income with all the bills that his ex left behind. I have helped him with paying his attorney and I have even helped him with other bills. I even bought him a truck to get back and forth to work. He is paying me back a little at a time when he has overtime at his job. But since I just forked out another $2,000.00 he has been acting different.. He says its just because he has alot on his mind and is tired of the battle with his ex. do u think that is true or maybe he just dont need money anymor

Answer 1

Be very careful. This could go either way; hes for real or he is using you. I get mixed feelings reading your question which is highly unusual. I can see reasons for using you, because of need and the kids, but on the other hand he will never find someone else as great as you. Yes divorces can take alot out of a person especially if its a messy contested one. The one thing that bothers me is you saying hes acting differently after another loan. Maybe the truth is hitting him if he is using you and now the guilt is setting in, coupled with the divorce and is realizing the grave hes digging. Youve already helped this guy out more than you probably should have and this is very admirable especially with the kids, just hope you can afford it, but stop the financing til you are more sure where this is going. If hes using you he will come up with all sorts of lies to get to you but just tell him the well is running dry. If he is using you, then he will really start to act differently and probably will slowly stop coming around as much. You have more to lose here than gain so please be careful.

Answer 2

I try not to be mean but in this case I would be doing you a disservice.

You're either on crack or a complete idiot. The reason why he's been acting different after you've spent all of this money on him is because he no longer has any repesct for you.

You need to stop worrying about your friend or pimp and seek some help. A good therapist will help you build up your self esteem so that you won't get run by guys anymore. And I know this isn't the first time you've heard this advice so don't even trip.

Answer 3

Maybe its you that is thinking this because money is involved. I wouldnt loan any more money to him . Lend your support in other ways.
When you do this you will know just how he feels about you. If he needs money let him go to the bank.
Remember there is the ex who left and most major cause of breakups are over money.

Answer 4

It sounds like he got what he wanted. A sucker.
Stop this crap with him and tell him you need a break with him. Tell him you want to make sure this isn't turning into something more, like a rebound.
Tell him you don't want to ruin the friendship and you are not able to fork over anymore cash.
Anything just stop giving this man cash and possessions.

Answer 5

Girl, you got got. If he was a real friend he would have made arrangements to pay you back on a regular basis. He thought that since you were friends that he could ask for money and you wouldn't ask for it back. He's gonna be a deadbeat dad and already is a deadbeat friend. Lose him. You can do bad by yourself.

Answer 6

Probably. Give him some space to work through his troubles alone. If he initiates contact with you to get something from you before he pays some back -- that would be confirmation that he is using you. If you want a second opinion, call Dr. Laura.

Answer 7

Well....you did say he is your friend....I don't know what the history is as friends but this is what friends do for one another.....Perhaps the situation has changed because you have crossed the friend line into something more.....I would be cautious and don't dole out any more money.....be a friend and help him emotionally to get through this...don't push on the more than friends side...he needs time to adjust.....good luck

Answer 8

Dont be a fool when it comes to issues like this. It is very difficult to be genuinely in love after amajor disappointment, ts difficult to trust and to give your self into anything. What he needs from you is friendship, understanding and support through this trying time.
Dont misinterpret it

Answer 9

Stop "loaning" him money!! He found himself a nice little "nest egg" in you! Been there, done that and much worse off for having done so. My exb/f would have everyone think he paid back every penny or that the loans were "gifts"--SOOO not true!! He'll be fine--after all, you helped get him get "back on his feet".

Answer 10

Cut your losses right now....and RUN! He has used you like toilet paper, and now through with you, wants to "discard" you. Sure, it's going to hurt, but bettter a little now, than a LOT later! A word to the wise, is sufficient! End It!