From the inception of courting till after marriage he reminds you of all your sins.
2007-01-24 21:24:37 · 11 answers · asked by tdrn 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Short answer: you don't.
To live with someone who is constantly bringing up the past in order to use against you only promotes the manipulative behavior they are using to keep you 'in check'.
A person with alot of insecurities, like a person who is paranoid, goes on the attack against a person in the hopes that keeping them on the defensive will prevent them from seeing/understanding how helpless and defensive they feel. If they didn't feel 'helpless' against the past, they would not keep bringing it up. Also, by bringing it up, they feel that they have a measure of control over another person, keeping them from making any new and 'dangerous' choices.
This kind of behavior never works because the person will never truly feel 'secure' with another. Because the insecurity is built-into their thinking, even doing everything they want and demand will only reinforce their paranoia. If you don't do everything they want, they think "I knew I couldn't trust them, they are going to hurt me." If you do everything they want, even in the way they want it, they think "Why are they listening to me? They must be plotting some way of gaining my trust in order to hurt me."
It's a no-win situation. They remain 'paranoid', you remain miserable. Staying with them cannot help them, but leaving them is the only way to begin to help yourself.
2007-01-24 21:33:30 · answer #1 · answered by Khnopff71 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly - you can't. I'm extremely surprised you've stuck it for so long. If someone does not forgive you or constantly reminds you of your past then it makes it imposible to have a loving, fullfilling relationship. If it carries on you will eventually split up or you will stay together & be unhappy for the rest of your life. Don't you think you deserve to be happy? Tell your partner to shape up or you're off - AND MEAN IT !!
2007-01-25 00:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by EmmaB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should have to live with someone like that as it is a type of abuse. Every person on this earth has things in their lives they would rather forget and if you have to live with constant reminders, then I would seriously consider moving out. Mental abuse is a serious thing so speak to someone about it. Whether that is a Doctor or Social Worker to see if they can guide you to help either improve the situation or to help you to move on.
2007-01-24 21:34:26 · answer #3 · answered by auburn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there are strategies out there to happily live with this type of person. One thing is true though, that you do have a choice whether you will remain in this type of relationship. The choice may end up being hard work at first, but once you have made it, the great thing is that you don't have to stick with it. Because, you always have choice again.
2007-01-25 10:35:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I doubt I could have amarried a guy like that. This type of bloke must be pretty insecure, by throwing all of your faults into your face so that you won't talk about his faults. It is not fair for him to do this and you need to tell him straight, it is a form of emotional/mental abuse because it makes you feel like a bad person. It's just really unfair, I would not put up with it, perhaps couples counselling may help. You need to decide what to do soon, because a situation like that can put you in a really bad place and state of mind.
2007-01-24 21:31:49 · answer #5 · answered by cheeky_lil_pixiegirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Badly. Don't!
He hates you but can't live without you. Or he's afraid that you're getting too powerful.
Either way a weakling, probably incapable of love.
As long as you have to live with him, practice compassion. That's good for so many things and will keep you're mind fresh, warm and open for the next great adventure.
Good luck!
2007-01-24 21:48:58 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the inception of courting?
Why did you not dump him right at the beginning?
Anyways, try to get away from him|
There is a way, you will find it|
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2007-01-24 21:31:56 · answer #7 · answered by Catholic Philosopher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey it's your past and you should be proud of it, no matter what you've done either it's good or bad its yours and that's why it's called your past not his, so if he likes it or not he have to deal with it so if he don't let the door slam his back and remember be strong he is a little boy living in the dark and you shouldn't get dragged in to it
2007-01-24 22:19:14 · answer #8 · answered by joooo a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you found a perfect person? He never made a mistake or did anything wrong? This guy is abusing you emotionally which is as damaging over time as physical abuse.
2007-01-24 22:17:35 · answer #9 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really sad and really difficult to live with such person. You should be pity of that person , he is really very insecure. Support and give him all your love.
Hope everything will be fine............
2007-01-24 21:51:58 · answer #10 · answered by @rrsu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋