I found my soul mate over 20 years ago. All I wanted to do was marry, run away and live happily everafter. 20 years later I find myself self exiled in the middle of nowhere, because I can't live in our home because my 22 year old son has paranoia, obcessive/compulsive disorder, smoke pot like a freight train, smoke meth, owns several guns, pulled out an ammo box once and threatened to blowup his two cars, assaulted me 5 years ago, can't talk with him about his problems without him going nuts and won't get help. My oldest son, 24 lives in a back apartment, so he hasn't left either, is paying child support on one and 2'nd wife left after christmas. She's filing for divorce and full custody, so hell be paying child support for another 18 years. Right now he has custody, so my wife and 17 yr old daughter babysit while he works and runs with friends. Neither boys help their mother in anyway with money or chores. My wife works 1 and a half jobs to make ends meet.
2007-01-24 21:23:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I handle my own expenses and pay her bills as much as I can. Because of all this, she has no time for me anymore. I see her once a week. She has never stood beside me in raising them, just the opposite. They don't take advice, but expect her to support them and take up their problems. It appears they will never be able to move out, take care of themselves and it appears I will never be able live with my wife again. I love them all dearly. I only have about 10 years left to live. I'm sorry, I would just like to live my last years with my wife but I'm losing hope. Do I say and suffer alone till I die or should I move and start a new life and hope I can somehow find happiness elsewhere with someone else. If my wife and children had listened to me throughout the years, our whole world would be different and I wouldn't even be having these thoughts. Why do I have to spend my last 10 years alive miserable, because they didn't allow me to be a husband and a father and follow my advice?
2007-01-24 21:40:46 · update #1
You have got to stop enabling this behavior from your children. If not for your own good, for theirs. I know that it is easier said than done, but counseling may help you through the process. These boys are always going to be dependent upon you and your wife as long as you are around. What happens when you are no longer around? What will the boys do then? Probably get worse than they are now because they have no idea what it is like to truly be on their own and take responsibility for their actions. Putting an end to the chaos they are causing doesn't mean you don't support them or that you are bad parents. In fact it means just the opposite, it makes you good parents for teaching them how to be independent and take responsibility. I am sorry that you and your wife are going through this but keep in mind it is only the two of you who can change this situation. Good luck, and take care!
2007-01-24 21:35:01 · answer #1 · answered by The Pig! 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It would be ashamed to say this, but here goes. If I was you. I would take off so fast, they won't even see the smoke behind me. If what you say is true. You and your wife have permitted them to behave this way. When the pot smoker began to smoke his pot and pull his ammo out I would pick up the phone and dial 911. If your wife doesn't like it, "d pack my bag and vacate the premises. Maybe that's why your life is shorten and how did you know you have 10 years to live? If you get out of that house then maybe you'll live longer. Your wife have her freedom. I don't blame her,I would take 3 jobs to get away from that crowd. You are living in a T.V show. As for the son with custody of his daughter, What mother would go off and leave the kid in a situation like that. That's not fair to your daughter, because she need to have a life as a teenager too. God bless you man and why aren't you packing.
2007-01-28 20:55:21 · answer #2 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen...there is no way you can retain this. Please speak to a counciler, I'm not being sexist or belittling you. A lot of males see that counciling makes them week because they can't sort out their own issues. This is far from the truth. You don't need to tell ANYONE you are seeing a counciler. To feel better about dealing with it this way, you would have a free call number where you can reach councilers that work 24 hours over the phone. Please just give it a go. You have nothing to loose but it sounds like you do if you keep this bottled up and it will continue. I'm not going to give you personal advice because it's obvious you are in a crisis and no one would expect you to handle this alone and be ok with it. Think about this along the way - When you hit rock bottom, and life still goes on then there is only one way....UP.
You will be loosing sleep, thinking about it all day (even if you think you don't it will be in your subconcious) and trying to find ways to resolve it. I really hope you get some good answers on here and even a counciler answer this q. for you. They do years of training and have experience to give some support and advice and that's what they are there for..not psycopaths.
Take care and I sincerley wish you luck!!
Nicky
2007-01-24 21:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by Nicky 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh Boy, you are in a pickle hah??
Firstly your 22 year old son, needs help before he ends up killing his self or/and your family! (Ok, worse scenaro but these things do happen).
He needs help, go and speak to your Dr about this, say he isn't willing to get help, and you feel that falsing the issue is unfortunate but probably the best thing to do.
((He obviously isn't thinking straight, coz of the paranoia, smoking dope. meths and his OCD)) He won't appreciate it at first but he will in the long run, once his OCD is under control and this drug taking has stopped, he can get a chance of a normal life .. wife, kids, whatever!
Once your 22 yr old son is in hospital getting the help he desperately needs you can then get back into your family home, and help out your wife and oldest son. I'm sure your daughter is feeling the strain as well, so get back in there and in control. And book your lovely wife & daughter in to a health spa to get pampered for a day, sounds like they need it, bless em.
All my love to you & your family
Big Smiles
x
2007-01-24 21:44:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it would appear that you have hit a place where you can not win in this situation. I would suggest finding a way to cut your loses and get out of there. You have only three real choices here. One is to continue on until everything falls apart or perhaps your son decides to kill you. The second is to take your wife and daughter and run. Find a new life away from your sons without any contact with them. The third is to cut off your sons. Remove them from your home. Them are plenty old enough to fend for them selves. Your 22 year old needs professional help, but you can not force it onto him. Whichever you choose to do, realize that allowing this to continue will only allow it to get worse. Nothing will change until you take charge of your home and life. I wish the best for you.
2007-01-24 21:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by fly guy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the first son needs a lot of help. Committ him before he hurts others or himself or you will have more problems.
It also sounds like you need to put your foot down with the second son and give him the boot. Tell him he is a grown man with a child to raise, it's time to move out on his own. I pray the mother gets that one.
The supposed men did to help out with bills and such so your wife wouldn't have to work two jobs.
Be strong, be a parent. Get them the heck out. Get them evicted, removed.
Get counseling for yourself and your family ASAP.
It's either all that or leave permanently with your wife or without. Sell the house, refuse to let the sons move with you. Buy something smaller or rent an apartment just big enough for the three of you.
God bless and good luck!
2007-01-24 21:32:12 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd have to say it would be between "figure of authority" or "Crazy heel". Figure of authority because like Vickie and Eric, someone with power that abuses it is a position that draws a lot of heat from the fans. Especially when two heels (Edge and Vickie) team up it makes for a lot of excitement because you always hope that somehow the face will pull it off but the power heel team always pulls it off somehow. As for the "Crazy heel" it's just very entertaining. It's unpredictable and you never know what he/she is going to do. When you have a character that is unstable, it has the fans on the edge of their seats wondering what he/she is going to do next and if he/she will get it away with it.
2016-03-29 01:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is not always what we dream of it. au had the perfect partner who made u happy and then the kids turn out to be soething else. Im sorry it happened that way but its the unpredictability of life.
Get yourself a counselloer, they might be able to work with u to ease the pain and the stress level at home. Though they might not eliminate the whole sagga, a workable situation might be rached.
Sorry about that.
All the best and hope that the others compensate for what u are going through. u need to support each other as a familly as each of u is affected though uor coping mechanisms/levels might be different
2007-01-24 21:42:20 · answer #8 · answered by LadyK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. It sounds like it's time for those boys to shape up or ship out. Your oldest son should pay rent since it's an apartment. If he doesn't want to pay, he should move out so that you can get a paying tenant whose rent would be used to pay for the treatment of your 22 year old son.
2. Make some new house rules: No guns, no bullets, no drugs. Remember, if there are illegal drugs in your home, it's possible you could go to jail.
2007-01-24 21:34:39 · answer #9 · answered by A J 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are very stressed.As a person with a drug and anger problem like myself,I have been there and still am.get rid of the person with the meth problem.It will only get worse.I have been smoking pot and drinking alcohol since I was 14 years old,I am 36 now and I get very angry when I can't get marijuana.I have struck my girlfriend several times and alienated my family.It leads no where.Please do something,stand up to this person.Meth is very dangerous.I could also tell you that when I met my girlfriend she was married with 4 kids and her husband made,sold and used meth alot.all it led to was her losing her beautiful children and getting a divorce.She lives with a loser now(me).I feel terrible.I feel lost.I'm sure the person doing meth feels bad if this person is ever sober.Think about the kids.If you have to call police do it.You have to stop this now,before somebody dies.If you need more help message me,I will tell you all you want to know.This could be therapeutic for us also.Take care.
2007-01-24 21:41:18 · answer #10 · answered by cheekydogg2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋