He tells his mom everything! And i have to addmit it sometimes gets on my nerves! I mean he tells his mom when we dont use a condom! I mean its not just things about sex eaither (tho that is the worst) he tells her about our finacial things too! And what makes me even more upset is the fact that she dosnt ask me the questions! I mean i will be standing right there and she will look at him and ask how i am doing at work!! It gets me so upset! We are getting married soon and moving closer to where his mother and father live! I am just really scared that it will end up like one of those "Everybody Loves Raymond" shows! It scares the hell out of me! I mean me and my mom are mot even as close as they are! UGHH! I just dont know what to do! I dont wnat him to get upset and tell his mom about this! That would be great one thing she can tell his family! Grrrr!
2007-01-24 19:21:41 · 8 answers · asked by HaZeLeYeZ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I got married, my wife's mother (who had been told in no uncertain terms by my wife that certain topics were off-limits for discussion between the two of them) made an attempt to discuss an off-limits topic with me, as an end-run around my wife's wishes. I got up, walked into the other room, and told my wife what her mother had just done. My wife went in there, and told her "he's my husband, not your friend, and you don't get to have secrets with him."
I tell you this because your marriage should be a partnership, and one with two primary members (before you have kids): him and you. No matter what your relationship to his mother is, he has to understand that you -- not his mother -- are the person he should put first, discuss financial and personal matters with, and so on.
That includes respecting your privacy; his mother doesn't need to know about your sex life, or your finances, or anything else that's between you and your husband. Of course, if you're okay with him sharing, then it's fine -- but you're NOT. Make sure your husband understands your feelings on this subject, and make sure he starts behaving accordingly *before* the wedding.
If he can't respect you and your privacy as a couple before the wedding, then he won't do it afterwards; if that idea bothers you, consider breaking it off.
2007-01-24 19:45:14 · answer #1 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
certainly no need to be jealous, and some families are way closer than others, and i agree with you that this is a bit too close, first of all he has to realize that you two are a partnership and everything should be shared with you, up till now its been his mum but you are going to be his wife and while its still ok to keep her in the loop, there are some things that should just be between the two of you, the thing that puzzles me is, if you knew all this why agree to move even closer to her????? maybe thats where you should be looking to change things too, if possible move a little further away, it wont change things overnight but as time passes, you two will establish a life and routine together that will include his mother a little less bit by bit--until you have children!! oh boy, good luck!
2007-01-24 19:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see him confiding in his mommy things he should be discussing with you. It sounds to me like he's not prepared for an adult relationship. He thinks he has to get the green light from his mommy on things that the two of you should be discussing privately. He needs to understand that you are the one he talks to not mom, and that sharing that kind of info with her is completely inappropriate! You need to talk to him about this. Let him know that the way he and his mother talk like you aren't there upsets you, and you deserve a trusting relationship in which you don't have to worry about grandma coming to you and advising you guys to use a condom next time. If he can't understand that and still needs mommy to whipe his a s s then I say find someone else.
2007-01-24 20:05:40 · answer #3 · answered by Dying inside 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to fix this problem in your life BEFORE the marriage or you signed up for it.
Please talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel on all issues and what you expect from him in the marriage or else you could end divorced and living in hell for quite awhile.
talk to the mother to if you can and try to set up lunch dates with her or dinner just the two of you, maybe then she will have no choice to talk to you.
2007-01-24 21:45:20 · answer #4 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really sounds like he needs to cut the cord, but is unable to do so. It's nice that he gets along with his mother, but part of being a man is separating from parents and becoming one with your wife (or soon to be wife in your case). Only you can decide what you want to do. I know it's easy to tell you to end it, but it's much harder to do it. Good luck.
2007-01-24 19:54:31 · answer #5 · answered by . 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to chill, your marrying him not her so if she don't want to have a relationship with you, then whatever. As long as you and him get along.
2007-01-24 19:27:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe he is sleeping with mom? Hmmm!
2007-01-25 06:28:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're gonna marry the dude then you're gonna have to take all of him. that means the bad as well as the good.
and if you ain't down with that...................................
2007-01-24 19:30:54 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋