Was I molested or sexually harassed?

Question

When I was 10 years old, my sister's ex boyfriend who was 25 at the time, would find subtle ways to touch my chest. He would tickle me even when I didn't want to be tickled and would always tickle around the chest area. Lingering touches also in other situations, such as him reaching for something or walking past me. One time I also remember was when I had gotten out the shower and he gave me a hug, when I still had a flimsy towel around my body. This has been bothering me for some time now and I haven't really told anyone about it. I just want to know whether I was sexually harassed or molested.

I'm 17 now and he's been out of my family's life for a 6 years now. I just wanted to know what his actions were to be regarded as. Thank you all so much for you answers :)

In regard Squeakers answer, I would like to make it clear that I was in a towel because I had gotten out of the shower. He was my sisters room where my dresser was currently placed because my room was being painted at the time and then he proceeded to give me a hug upon my entering. I hardly think this constitutes as flirting with a 25 year old man since I was also only 10 at the time.

Answer 1

Only if he did it forcefully enough to make you want him to stop, which if he didn't... then you know what I am getting to.

Answer 2

Well harassment is more verbal than physical. If he touched you inappropriately (as you mentioned) without your consent and in a sexual manner, then yes that's molestation. Ten year olds are not old enough to 'give consent' and this 25 year old should have known better. You didn't mention how old you are now, but you will probably find that the statute of limitations has expired if you were thinking about laying charges against him. My advice is to get counselling so you can deal with this emotionally and remember that this unfortunate experience will enable you to educate other young girls. Please don't think that this was in some way your fault - you were a child and he a man and he did the wrong thing, not you. I wish you luck.

Answer 3

Yes that is molestation. I am so sorry for you..but your not alone. I was molested too by a family member, now I'm 21. I went through a lot of depression, relationship problems, ect. & Those memories will never go away but you can talk to others or even a shrink..it's though specially if you still see your uncle...but I believe your strong :) You could also try to go to the police about it..but that will be a lot to go through & sometimes it's better to leave the past in the past.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear this, but unfortunately there are creeps and perverts out there, disguised as friends or family. As for whether it was sexual harassment or molestation, I don't know that you really need to label it exactly. Unless you feel by doing so you can get past it and move on. I had an uncle who did similar things to me and other little girls. For some reason I just put it in my head that he was a very sick man and I don't need to think or worry about what happened back then. Just remember that the people who do this sort of thing are selfish people who justify themselves by acting like it's all fun and games,instead of what it really is-their getting their jollies by forcing themselves upon an innocent child. Find someone to talk to and get it out there if you need to. He isn't worth carrying this weight on your shoulders. Life's too short to let some creep make you suffer. Live for today, and know that you are powerful and can stand up for yourself now. Good Luck!

Answer 5

You can always trust your gut when it comes to whether any kind of touch feels or felt ok to you. If you were uncomfortable with it and are finding yourself still thinking about it, I would say you may need to find someone you trust and talk through this.
I think you were molested. When a 25 yr old touches a young girl of 10 when shes in a towel, its very inappropriate.Everything that happened was not your fault.

Answer 6

i was molested when i was 10 years old and didn't tell anyone until i was 20 years old (i'm 23 now). i, too, remember trying to differentiate between the two because i wasn't sure of how to explain it and didn't want to get it wrong. if you're still bothered by the memory and perhaps believe that it's holding you back somehow, i highly recommend talking to someone about it. i told my mother and it was undoubtedly the hardest thing i've ever done, but because i did that, the memory no longer brings on doubt or shame -- it brings pride knowing that i've willed myself to defeat it. again, if it's bothering you and has been for that many years, you need to talk to someone trustworthy about this. it's painful, it's embarrassing, but there's a lot of good on the other side. good luck.

Answer 7

By the mere fact you were uncomfortable with his actions is enough evidence for harassment.

I do hope you are not 12 years old. If you are you can report it to the police. Some states have a statute of limitation on reporting things like that. If you are like in your 20s Im really sorry to hear about it. There are several support groups that you can turn to if its causing much harm to you. I know these things can be very traumatic.

Answer 8

Although it sounds like he's a weirdo, I don't think that what he did would be counted as him molesting you. You did feel uncomfortable around him, No doubt, for obvious reasons. I'm thinking no on both. How old are you now. If your several yrs older I think I would say something to him. Just the two of you and tell him EXACTLY how you felt and feel. I was in that spot when I was a kid. Later in life, I never forgot and told him what I thought. But it wasn't My sisters husband, it was someone else in the family.... second cousin

Answer 9

It's a matter of degree. There may have been a sexual element to it ... or maybe not, based on your description. To the extent that you were uncomfortable, what he did was uncalled for. Do you think it affected you emotionally for the long term? On the other hand, it doesn't sound like his behavior was as bad as some forms of sexual misbehavior; you didn't say he touched your private parts or talked sexually to you. Personally, I think, whatever you call it, the best thing to do is to decide what course of action to take is. My guess is you may want to confide with someone you trust - perhaps a professional? - to explore your feelings about this. Whether you publicly call it sexual harassment and try to make people accountable ... it's something to consider, but I wouldn't rush into it.

Answer 10

It sounds as if he is working his way up to raping you. His conduct should be reported to someone you trust...parent, clergy, etc.. the sister may not be receptive (may not want to believe you). Stay away from him and give a few scathing looks to discourage his unwanted behavior. Do not go with him anywhere alone. He has his eye on your development; and, he seems to lack discretion or respect for himself or you.

If it gets worse, telephone the police or law enforcement officials in your area. They should take an appropriate action. Also, he should not have been in the bathroom before or after your shower. Try getting loud about it sometimes...and say things to embarrass him or call attention to others...like STAY AWAY FROM ME ... YOU OLD HORNDOG, YOU! NO, I DO NOT NEED A HUG.

I was in a similar situation growing up; and, it ended badly. I do not want the same to happen to anyone else. Take care and respect yourself enough not to allow him to charm you into a situation that would cause additional obstacles to yours and your sisters relationship.

Answer 11

That was molestation. Sexual harrassment is more like saying innappropriate things when a person doesnt want you to and stuff. molestation has to do with touching. I'm really sorry this has happened to you. you need to think hard and figure out how to get past it.