my husband had an affair i took him back because i thought i loved him but every day-night i cant stop thinking about him and her together,when we have sex i think is this what he was like with her its driving me mental,although he says he had no feelings for her i find it hard to beleive after sleeping with her for 3 years please help.
2007-01-24 18:52:50 · 20 answers · asked by kerry b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not sure which part is you question but, if it's bothering you enough that you can't go on, you should seek counseling. This way you can see if you really do love him or not. You should try writting all your thoughts down in a letter or journal and then ask your husband truthfully but without blaming (it becomes the blame game and you don't want to go there). If after all that you still have these feelings then if you think your marriage is over, make sure you have enough money to start out on your own (kids make it a bigger issue... I don't know the details).
2007-01-24 19:11:02 · answer #1 · answered by NoLandlines 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people can get over affairs, some can't. First and foremost you have to admit that the misery you are feeling right now is self inflicted since you are the one who chose to take him back after his infidelity.
I'm sure on many levels you DO still really love him...but you don't believe him about how he feels because you don't trust him...and there is a good chance you will never trust him again and that is one of the corrnerstones to a solid relationship.
First thing you need to do is let him know you are still having issues about the affair. Second thing you need to do is get into marriage counseling to see if a neutral third party can help you either learn to forgive, or build the strength to move on in a healthy manner. You have just proven that you can't get over it by yourself. So either get help, or get divorced.
2007-01-24 19:06:05 · answer #2 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting over your husband's affair. Obviously there were problems in your marriage, maybe you both were part of those problems, or maybe not. Only you and your husband know the reason why he went outside of your marriage in order to solve those problems instead of turning to you. If you can honestly say that you had no part in your marital problems then you must stop punishing him in order to make your marriage healthy. Remember, cheating is a symptom. He must have been hurting or missing something if he chose to go outside of your marriage looking for something. If you are unable to live with the fact that your husband is not perfect, and he is capable of hurting you, then you need to move on, because you both deserve to be happy. Good luck to you both.
2007-01-24 19:15:43 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? When did you find out? and when did the affair end? DID it end? Do you know her?
First relax and second relax! Men dont see sex as love like we do. If he would have been in love with her then he would have left you. In the same time it was going on for 3 yrs. Are you sure 3 yrs.? Why did he stop ""seeing"" her? did he stop after you found out?
2007-01-24 19:01:37 · answer #4 · answered by gismo baby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say "i thought i loved him". So you don't love him anymore? If you're sure about that just stop having sex with him!!! If you do love him and you do want to make things work, then give yourself more time to heal emotionally. It'll take time to get over the hurt and regain the trust in the relationship. Maybe try being a little selfish and concentrate on your own pleasure during sex. Good luck.
2007-01-24 19:06:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice to almost have the capacity to forgive him--but you cannot totally get past it. You said so in your letter. Nothing hurts more than infidelity--men get irate and rage on about it. women get all weepy and emotional---you better get to a counselor for legal advise-if the emotions stay where they are. Some how you need to get over and reconsile or move on.Something made him do it and he won't say what it is---but sex is sex and that's all it was---did you really ask what or why he did it? Sounds like you need to talk it over for real---ask what you want or move on...you will find a man who won't do this silly immature stuff--it was hurtful and deceptive and totally disrespectful--I don't know why you stayed another moment
2007-01-24 19:01:39 · answer #6 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear ya sister I been in your shoes once before.. i could not "GET OVER IT " either and I was suspisious at everything he did everytime he was late ect ect... None the less i got a Divorce because I could not live with it any more it was tearing me apart...There is a theory though if you FORGIVE someone are you WILLING to FORGET ??? I tried it and I couldnt ..Maybe get some counseling together or for you maybe that may help... Good Luck
2007-01-24 19:01:17 · answer #7 · answered by c d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh he had feelings for her all right - no one keeps banging a woman for 3 years because he HATES it!
Perhaps stop having sex with Captain Selfish for a while so you can work out the mental imagery problems (they last a long, long time, by the way).
2007-01-24 18:59:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't mind I suggest something mayb it will b hurting when u read this message dont follow this is my opinion. When u took bak ur husband he came to u again and this shows he still love u. Just 4get the past and continue living happilly. If still can't talk to your family members get their opinion and u cannot adopt it proceed 4 divorce.
2007-01-24 19:01:05 · answer #9 · answered by sharon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That feeling absolutely sucks.
Your husband was a dumbass 3 years ago.
Imagine that you made the same mistake he did, and he took you back. And he was bothered. What would you say to him to make things better?
Think about what you would say, write it down, then we will tell him to say that.
2007-01-24 18:58:10 · answer #10 · answered by Dave ! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋