READ THIS? An opinion would be greatly appreciated! :)?

Question

This is a new version of her text she did a couple of days ago.

Her face showed no sign of the emptiness she felt, her broken heart was hidden under layers of lies that she herself had spun.

Starved for attention and craving the love she never had, the girl lost her self in a sea of false hopes and rejection.

Her plea’s for attention were ignored by the ones she loved most, her crying was never heard and her real feelings never shown.

People envied her, but no one felt the hurt she felt, never cried as much as she cried, never was rejected so many times. She hurt inside, but no one cared.

She had tried so hard, she felt so empty.
The girl had lost count of the times she had tried and failed for there attention.

It was a race that seemed to have no finishing line, she felt drained, she was giving up, one more step and she would stop, and reach for the gun that would set her free.

Additional info..
She's 12.

Okay, I wrote it. I said my friend wrote it so it would soften the blow or somthing...blah.
I did write it when i was 12 though, which was like 2 weeks ago, i am now 13, but if theres any puctuation mistakes i would GREATLY appreciate if you could clear them up.

Okay, I wrote it. I said my friend wrote it so it would soften the blow or somthing...blah.
I originally did write it when i was 12 though, which was like 2 weeks ago, i am now 13, but if theres any puctuation mistakes i would GREATLY appreciate if you could clear them up.
P.S i edited it an hour or so ago, but most of its the same 12 year old stuff.

Answer 1

Sounds like a very very lonely and affection starved person. Alot of individuals; I for one; put on such an act on the outside, that no one can really see the hurt and what that person is going through on the inside. Then when something tragic happens, people cannot understand it; since they felt this person seemed so content and didn't show any signs. It is very very important to reach out to people and really talk to them. There is too much hurt in this world.

Answer 2

and she felt invisible. She was hurt clear to her soul. However, there are people that care and could offer the love she needs and attention and a safe place to fall if needed. The little girl met me and I gave her all the love I could give just like I do my children and grandchildren. I hate the fact that babies and children are abused and the fact that she was ignored is abuse. I could sit and hold her as long as she wanted and kiss her on the head and talk all night. I have the ability to love people I don't even know, especially our little ones. If I feel hurt and sadness and love for them, can we imagine how God feels. We can't even come close?

Answer 3

That is my life--but never a gun thank God--I am 35 now and still feel the same-I think a lot of people do--life is what you make it--I can just tell you to do what I didn't--ignore everyone and give yourself a finishing line--not having a child young like I did or becoming bulimic --but think of where you want to be in 5 years--no one will ever feel your hurt or hear your quiet tears or feel how your heart just feels like you can't breathe--everyone tells you to reach out but I will tell you to reach within--THERE has to be a purpose for everything and everyone--the younger you realize what you are worth the more you can do in life.
Great poem--we all need to not worry and be ourselves and be happy reagardless of anyones opionions--if we feel weare alone--it's okay-God is with us.

Answer 4

Am I right in assuming this is a story that you wrote?
It is very obvious that a girl of 12 did not write it.

Could you post more info so that I can understand.
Do you wish me to fix the grammar mistakes, or comment on the story?

P.S. I just saw you other posting.
I'll try to get back to you if I have time.

Again, the story has real potential.

Answer 5

I have read you analogy concerning the story of creation based upon the Bible and the Koran, however there is one major point you left out of you analysis. How ever because I am not familiar with the Koran and will not make a comment or assumption on something I know nothing about, therefore I will only comment on Genesis and allow you to make the call if my assumption is correct or not. My assumption; the first 5 books of the Bible are attributed to Moses, that these 5 books reflect, the words, beliefs, and teaching of Moses as given to him by God, including all the words written Genesis. Dose the Koran also attribute the first 5 books of the koran to be the words of Moses? I am aware that the Jews also attribute the first 5 books, called the Torah to Moses. Therefore my assumption that the major thing that Jews, Muslims, and Christ all have in common is the belief in the teachings, commandments, laws and actions of Moses as coming from God would this assumption be correct according to the Koran? Now this is what the words of Jesus has told me, and when I say the words of Jesus I am speaking of the actual words Jesus himself spoke, or were given in the book of Revelation concerning the story of creation. In the beginning of the earth, God created the stars, the heaven, the water, the sun, the moon, the trees, grass, the fish, the birds, the animals, and every other living thing on the earth, and God created female and male flesh bodies in which to house the spirits called adam He had "Created" before He Created the earth. These first female and male flesh bodies became known as dinosaurs and the spirits called adam was joined with the first female through which all other flesh bodies would be prepared for the spirits called adam in Hebrew and man in English. Lucifer the destroyer, destroyed the earth, therefore destroying heaven this story is told in Gen 1:1-2 and Rev 12:1-5. Gen 1:3-5, Rev 6:1-4 and Rev 12:6-8. Gen 1:6-2:3, is about the 2nd seal, a time when females and males were cave dwellers as Rev 1:6- tells the reader. And the fact the God told the cave-dweller to "Replenish" indicating that they were not the first dominant flesh bodies to wlk the earth. Gen 2:4-3:24 is speaking about the 3rd seal in which the Christ "Made" the earth, and "Made the dominant female and male flesh bodies HUMAN, just as John 1:3-14 states. It was the Spirit of the Christ LORD God, who "MADE" our flesh bodies HUMAN, and the Christ became one of the humans he had "MADE"

Answer 6

I loved it it fits me perfectly I have never read somthing that sounded so much like me...I hope you feel better about everything
you will be a great writer some day

Answer 7

WoW is all i can say it was great

Answer 8

this is really beautiful..you have talent...keep writing...and one day you will be known for it!!!

Answer 9

oh its realy cool ........
convey my regards to her