I have gone from 130lbs to 275lbs since getting pregnant. Husband losing interest? (we're 24, first baby)?

Question

He doesn't seem interested in doing 'stuff' anymore or really interested in me at all. I get a kiss before he leaves for work, that's about it. I had a lot of problems while I was pregnant, including gestational diabetes, which I had to be on a strict diet for..so it's not like I just pigged out all the time. I didn't eat unhealthy at all, I just have a realllllly low metabolism and had bad edema which caused me a lot of pain and I couldn't walk a lot..

I feel so horrible and ugly. I'm trying to hard to lose it, but I get embarrassed when my husband looks at me because I feel so bad about myself now. I know looks aren't everything, but when it's such a huge difference, I have to wonder how it's possible for my husband to still be attracted to me. I want him to 'want' me like he used to, now it's been over two weeks and he's not been even slightly interested.. I can't say I blame him. What do I do? (I know I need to start by losing weight so don't bother telling me that..) Thanks.

Sillykimm: thanks for you input. I do dress up though. I have cute (big) clothes and I keep my hair, nails and makeup done. Everyone says I'm still pretty.. I'm trying..

Dave: thanks- as if I havn't cried enough about this..I appreciate it.

Answer 1

I completely understand. I just recently lost 60 pounds that I gained during pregnancy and it was very hard... physically and emotionally.... and psychologically. I felt terrible and my self-esteem went into the toilet. It was hard to motivated myself to walk everyday but I made a commitment and saw it through. It's easy to just give up though when you're feeling depressed. I spoke with a counselor a few times and that really helped. Plus I found a walking buddy to walk with me a few times in the evening and I walked every morning first thing... before my hubby went ot work so that he could watch the baby... or I would take the baby with me in the stroller. I got a Pedometer (from amazon.com) and bought the book "You on a diet" and I walked 10,000 steps everyday and stopped eating 2 hours before bed. It worked. Slowly but surely the weight came off. Now I'm feeling much more confident... not only because I'm thinner but also because I DID IT. You can too. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in the depression/overwhelmed rut. It could steal years from your life! You can do it girly! You brought a child into the world... your body is AMAZING. You just need to give it, and yourself, a chance.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Have a talk with your husband about how your weight is affecting you mentally, and physically. Tell your husband you know it is a turn off for him, and that you will need his assistance, and all his love to help you lose the weight. I had gestational diabetes before and I know how the weight comes on rapidly, and it can make your baby gain weight as well as you and the unborn child developing serious health problems from the diabetes treatment,pills and which is worse the insulin if prescribed. Telll him not to be so disappointed and to give you some time to lose some of the weight. Until the weight comes down buy a few sexy negliges, and some romantic music, and give him a lap dance, and get your freaky on. You are still his wife, and you can still be sexy. Now just work what you got girl! Congratulations, and Good Luck.

Answer 3

It's possible to lose the weight: to lose it and keep it off takes a long, long time. You need to change your entire lifestyle (eat-style really). Whaaat??? 500 calories a day wouldn't keep a gerbil alive! You really do need to lose the weight from a health perspective. It must be postively exhasting for you to take care of baby and perform even light household chores lugging all those extra pounds around. Perhaps your doctor can help. Also, don't delay. The longer you remain like 'this' and the older you get it make make the weight well nigh impossible to lose. You can probably successfully rebound after this ONE baby. If you have additional children you are likely to gain even more weight - and keep it on forever. With your doctor's assistance - or that of a professional dietician - you can (over time) lose it and keep it off but don't have anymore babies because with each baby you will gain more and more and more weight and you'll NEVER get rid of it then. I really do wish you the best of luck. Don't worry about the husband: he has his own issues. Husbands often become jealous of the attention paid to the baby and couples commonly experience a marital rift after the birth of the first child due to various stressors far, far too numerous to mention here. Nobody warned you about the OTHER side of babymaking did they: it's NOT at all as depicted in the movies or soaps - what a SURPRISE! If couples knew the whole truth in advance I'll bet many would just say "ERRR...NO THANKS WE'LL PASS ON THAT ONE...'... it's a little like joining the Army and being sent to a warzone with little or no preparation.

Answer 4

Wow, I feel terribly sorry for you. It's hard to be happy and feel good about yourself when you are walking around in someone elses body. Not to mention health problems and giving birth which I'm sure takes a lot out of you. He might be feeling a tremendous amount of upheaval in his life being a new dad (not to excuse his lack of interest at all!) and all the responsibilities and stress that adds. The weight will come off with your ability to walk more and lack of time to sleep or eat, so don't worry about that. Give it a little time and if nothing changes, you need to have a sit down and discuss. Good luck to you, and congrats on your little blessing!

Edit: Wow, I can't believe some of the mean-spirited and downright nasty comments I have been reading here. Especially from the "ladies!" I'm sure you are all perfect and got back into your size 4's the day after you gave birth. It's different for everyone people!

Answer 5

Hey I am so sorry to hear about your situation, and I don't have all the details. I am a father of three, 24 years old and my girlfriend has gained about sixty pounds since I met her. I can tell you that have a low self-esteem can be more ugly than almost any amount of weight. Now I'm not saying your complaining all the time, but if you are STOP! That will not help you, if you want to lose weight maybe you are doing it wrong I dunno, but remember how beautiful you are on the inside, and how much fun you are to hang out with, I am sure your good qualities out number the bad two to one. My sex drive never dropped off but my girlfriends did, maybe he's tired from staying up with the baby, or stressed out from something else. Stress can have a great impact on some people. Back to the losing weight thing, I was alot overweight, I watched alot of t.v. and wasn't very active. By getting out of the lazy-boy and doing anything you will be better off, again not sure if this is you but if so STOP! I know if you want to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you take in, now if you eat healthy great. If you cut down on what you are eating it will lower you metabolism to fit what you eat to last you all day. Drink alot of water, and eat every three hours. A good breakfast will fill you up so you don't binge eat, yeah I'm talking about the chips on the way to work at 9, if you eat a higher fiber and higer protien diet, these two things actually can make you skinnier by 1.making you fuller longer 2.carrying fat out of the body 3. protien burns hotter so it needs more energy to use. I also read that where and how you eat can effect you. Slow down and chew more, the longer you sit there less you have to eat to realize you are full, and chewing more burns more energy and makes it easier for the food to be diegested. Don't read or watch t.v. or whatever, eating time should be at a table or somewhere that you can enjoy that tasty apple and not mindlessly eat like a zombie. Working out is also very important(duh), but I'm not gonna tell you how to do a sit up, just that if you want the man of your life to pay attention to you try this. Explain that you are going to be working out and you need a partner. You and him will be getting some bonding time, and yes to men sweating, and moaning are usually part of bonding. Working out together will kick in those endorfines and spark some well sparks, but remember to hit on him, men love this too. good luck hope it wasn't to long.

Answer 6

It's interesting how larger people are still fair game when it comes to people making rude comments; they're one of the few groups left that people feel entitled to openly hurt and belittle. I'm sorry you're going through all of this...it must be very painful. Is your husband willing to go for counseling together? If not, I would try to go for some counseling just for myself to deal with his cold behavior and to help gain back some of the lost self-esteem. Your body size has nothing to do with how good a person you are. Remember that. Don't be so hard on yourself. Would you treat him this way if he were in the same position? It's not kind that he's doing this to you when you have been physically ill; you certainly did NOT choose the position you're in. I'm sure when you are able you will lose the weight, but as I said, you need to find someone objective that you can speak with about this so that you can gain some perspective about it. Hang in there.

Answer 7

been there done that. then i lost alot of weight and he cheated more than when i was fat. i left him and found a man who loved me for the person i am. he thinks beauty is within and he believes that skinny women cheat more because their attitude is that they can have anybody they want. he thinks plump women are more faithful. 2 weeks is nothing. try once a year for 18 years. i did. and i did not cheat on him. he's still interestsed in you trust me. lane bryant makes some really sexy stuff for large women. and glamourshots, can take some pretty sexy pose shots that can make any woman look and feel sexxxxxxyyyyyyy. try to change the scenery a little. candles. oils stockings and heels. music. play with a silk scarf and torture him til he cant wait to..... you get the picture. sweetheart, he know your a good woman and he loves the mother of his child. sex decreases wtih children. it just happens. it's like we become special to them and the respect level changes.but its a good thing. most men cheat because they lack something they are not getting in their beds. try some sex videos made by sex therapist in the marriage and family relationship bookstore they are not porn. they talk about how to please, be pleased and how to keep thing new and creative so relationships dont become boring. that usually causes the lovers do stray unfortunately. they are actually educational. this 46yr old actually learned a few things that my 18yrs of marriage husband never taught me. and my husband now gets in the mood when we, every year or so pull them out and watch. however, we never have really seen the whole tapes...... getting the picture. nothing but love for you. like i said, been there done that. i have felt the pain you are feeling so many times its not funny im glad i realized its not me that had the problem i know beauty is skin deep and love is in your soul

Answer 8

It is normal. All guy just about go through that same thing. Our body's do things that are unbelievable and they have never seen that. Once the baby is born you will lose some and the diabetes will go away and it will be easier than you think to lose the weight however you will have to work at it. Also how you act and feel about yourself is projected out and he picks up on that and is clueless as what to do. Find something to wear that makes you feel good and go out together and see how that works. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 9

Wow i cant believe some of the harsh things that a few people are saying to you.I am sorry for ur problem and i know what its like to be heavy i am about the same weight as you and trying to lose BUT my husband meet me this way and married me this way and it has never bothered him 1 bit..We have been happily married 16 yrs and the only reason he would want me to lose weight is for my health..Your husband married you for better or worse and you didnt get pregnant by youself...If he cant get past this issue then maybe he isnt the right 1 for you..Lose the weight for yourself NOT another person. God bless and good luck.

Answer 10

I'll tell you - you can either just be bummed about it and hate how you look and cry at night and detest yourself, or...

you can do all those things and turn them all into one thing -- an unbending iron will that dozens and even hundreds of times a day tells you you are not going to skip walking today, you are not going to eat after mdinight, that you are going to be successful this hour, that you are getting on the treadmill *again* today to raise your metabolism.

I gained about 50 pounds and was depressed about it so I ate more... you know the drill. And one day I was coming out of a public restroom and I thought someone was following me very close like to mug me or something and it turned out to be my own a s s. At that moment I said, enough is enough. And I thought it through and said it's going to be tough but I hate this so much I *have* to do it - for my own health, for my family, for my loved ones. I have to make dozens of very difficult choices every day - sometimes about 300 an hour - not to have 3 apple fritters with a cup of coffee, or to use food as a drug or a comforter, all that.

So I said I have to, and I started out by not even being able to walk 15 minutes. My fat jiggled and I was sweating like a whore in church and it was disgusting.

But I did it every single day - and the horror turned into slightly less horror 6 weeks later. Not 15 minutes - 42 *days*. Taking it off is 5 times harder than putting it on. Which is no damn fair, I'll just say.

Then 15 minutes of walking became 10 of a tiny jog. Then 15 of an itty-bitty jog. Then 20 minutes of an almost real run. Every day. No excuses - weather, sickness, holiday, nothing. I knew excuses was just my weakness and fear trying to stay in control of my life.

That was 3 years ago - I have slowly extended to 30-40 minutes a day plus a one-hour run on Sundays. I lost the 50 plus a few, and have kept it off. No weird diets, nothing. Just will power.

Turn your other negative feelings into that strong will power and there's no stopping you.

Then all the sex issues will take care of themselves, believe me.