Am I too much to ask my husband to quit contacting/sms-ing this particular female friend?

Question

Reason:
They had sent flirtatious sms to each other once a while (where I found out by chance one day) and I don't feel comfortable but when I confronted my husband, he assured me there's nothing between them (this female friend is already married). Of course, I cannot stop the other party from sending to my husband.

Please give genuine advice.

Answer 1

I think that for anyone to ask a spouse to stop contacting a friend makes the asker look insecure and unattractive. If you feel he is straying for fun and romance, be more fun and romantic. If you do not have the time and inclination to tickle him in this way, then allow him his space. Being a loving and supportive spouse means trusting your partner - and if you don't trust your partner you don't have much of a marriage.

I will also say that thoughts do become things, my friend. We receive in our lives that which we dwell upon in our hearts and in our minds. If you hear yourself saying again and again "I don't like that relationship" the universe will give you a good reason not to like it. Instead, stop those thoughts by gently reminding yourself what a great marriage you have and how terrific your husband is. You might even try visualization - seeing your husband with love in his eyes with you next to him. Paint a very vivid picture and let the powers that be know exactly what you want. Don't give his friend a second thought - she is inconsequential.

Peace!

Answer 2

When you are married and committed to another person you want to be able to trust them, but when you find that they are being/allowing someone to be flirtatious it can hurt the other party. This boils down to a respect thing. Did you tell your husband how you feel about them sms to each other. If the problem still is going on after you let him know how you feel then ask him how would he feel if you were to do the same thing to him. It is very disrespectful for him not to have put the other women in her place from the beginning considering they are both married. You have every right to feel the way that you do and you should not let this go because it is possible that it could turn into something else if it doesn't stop now.

Answer 3

Thats hard... A friendship with the opposite could be great, or it could lead to something hurtful. I am female, and have a very good friend that is male. We are seriously just friends. I make sure that we see each other at least once a month. My husband is not always there, however, he is always aware of what is going on. I have never kept any meeting/phone call/text message secret from my husband. I think honesty is better. I also have a huge belief that if you feel something is off, it probably is. Trust your gut instinct. If he is being secretive, there may be a reason why. As a side note, do you trust your husband? Do you have issues with him and other females, or just this one? Would you have issues if he was friends with another female, who was maybe sexier or sultrier than you? Change that around...what if he became friends with someone who was grossly overweight and unsuccessful? What about a porn star? Just a thought for you.

Answer 4

Absolutely not!

If he were my husband I'd have him choose between the floor and the door because he was guaranteed to hit one of them if he didn't cut the crap.

He should be respecting you. Approach him without being too emotional. No screaming or pleading. Just calmly communicate with him (away from the TV and not in bed) and tell him that it bothers you. You consider it disrespectful and it makes you wonder whether he can be trusted. Trust is a major part of any relationship. You are his priority. How would he feel if the situation were reversed? There is no reason why anyone should be flirtatious with your husband.

Forget his assurances that there is nothing between them. One of them thinks it ok and it could only be a matter of time before they both agree. BTW of course, you CAN stop the other party from sending to your husband. If you socialize with her or her husband, let it slip in conversation.

"What do you two talk about in your text messages, anyway? You sure seem to have a lot to talk about."

Screw her. He's YOUR husband. Remember honey, the DOOR or the FLOOR.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Don't tell him it's you or her. That's bad advice. Not because I think he would choose her, but because that shows a lack of love and commitment on your part. If you want him to commit to you, he must know that you will be there for him. No, it's not too much to ask. If the messages are flirtatious, then they are inappropriate and you have every right to be uncomfortable with it. If the situation was reversed, I'm sure he would not want you flirting with another man. That is not conducive to a healthy marriage. I'm sure your husband is innocent and he might be a little upset about your request, but explain it to him calmly and tell him that it hurts your feelings. He should comply and it will all pass.

Answer 6

Honestly, I dont see anything wrong. But to be quite honest w/you that is not right if they are flirting with each other, that leads to other things. To have a friend is one thing to disrespect each others partner behind each others backs, doesnt look good on both parties. Her husband is not giving her any attention so shes getting it from your husband. Ask your husband if his so called female friend's, husband is aware of his wife acting like a slut with a married man on the internet? Your husband is acting childish, that woman has no respect for herself. Look into counseling, you dont want to push him away into her arms...

Answer 7

I dont think its fair he is texting another female without your approval (especially since you have told him you are not happy about it). It sounds very Shane Warne and lewd. Big deal the female friend is married - what married people dont cheat??? I am not sure if she is your friend or not but she is not being very nice. I would let her know I wasnt happy. Your husband has to stop being such a prick (especially since it upsets you), I mean who is this woman? why does she have such power over him?? He can stop her texting (either by telling her to stop or ignoring the texts so she gives up trying) and he should do so.

Answer 8

No, it's normal. Ask your husband "how does it feel if your husband is in your position?, his wife send flirtatious sms to her male friend"
Give more attention to your husband, make yourself pretty, he will think twice ever cheating on you

Maybe try to investigate the number, find more info bout her. if your husband's honest, he will tell you everything about his female friend, even ask you to check on her yourself, asking her to go meet you or call you to tell that nothing's going on between your husband and her

Answer 9

There is the makings of a problem here I feel that husband is starting to be emotionally disengaged in his current relationship using the pretext of the SMS messaging.It appears that in this instance you cannot afford to be passive.Clearly you must put your cards on the table and let him know that this is disturbing you and that he should cease this behaviour as it can only lead to worse things explain to him that if he wants to see 50% of his pay going to you in the form of alimony then continue SMS messaging this is a new phenomenon but should not be treated lightly

Answer 10

Just be honesty w/ him tell him how you feel and tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you would like him to stop. If he doesnt listen or tries to tell you nttn is going on that means hes gonna keep doing it because he likes the attention from this particular female friends, and this is something you shouldnt stand for. If he dismisses it or tells you no then tell him maybe its not working out because if hes not willing to stop messaging this girl for you who knows what else he might do further down the line.