he says he heard me and later when we are talking he will ask me why is this happening or when did you say that. He is usually worrying about things from work how can I make him relax so he can take his mind off work? I have tried a massage and even trying different things but still he is worried about the things he has to get done that he drowns out the family and he says he can't take his mind off work, his boss is a moody kind of guy says one thing but then the next day he changes his mind on what he wanted done. So what can I do ?thank you for your answers.
2007-01-24 16:46:53 · 23 answers · asked by heavenlyangelscent 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Men often bring their jobs home. Help him in the transition from work to home by having him talk about his day and offering encouragement and support.
A shoulder massage while he vents might help him to relax. Make a rule of 30 minutes for him to "come home" after work and ask him to try to practice letting go of his day in that time. Do be sure to give him your full attention as he does this.
It's a life skill to learn and make take time. Help him to stick to the 30 minutes with gentle reminders and a relaxing atmosphere. Hopefully he will begin to be able to leave work at work.
2007-01-24 16:58:13 · answer #1 · answered by Ande 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sometimes is hard to talk when they are not listening. That is why you need to first get his undivided attention. He has to not be doing anything at all. I find it easier to talk to my husband before going to bed. I try to get him relaxed by rubbing his feet. Usually that does it for him. You may want to try that, or sit him down in the room on a chair and rub his head and shoulders. He has to be relaxed first to get his mind off of things. Don't ask him what is bother him, then he will tell you everything at work that is bothering him. Ask him other things like, "does this feel good with me rubing your head and shoulders?" Don't bring up work anymore with him. If he brings it up, just change the subject, redirrect what he has said. And if he worries too much of work and he starts to show frustration which is affecting the entire family, then he may want to consider on getting another job with less stress. It could be that he is stressed out with the boss that he has and the work that he does.
I think he can take his mind off work, he just needs to try harder and needs to pre-occupy himself with other things like spending time with you and the kids. Take a warm bath, take a walk, exercise, see a movie, go out to dinner, or even just laying around in your bedroom on your bed with one another. You as his wife need to help him by being there, but without the nagging, do it with being polite and with kind words. Let him know you appreciate him and thank him for doing what he does. He needs to hear those words, especially from hearing a moody boss!
Tell him that with him being so stressed, is not good for his health, his heart that is and that you are concerned as well.
Anyway, hope this helps!
2007-01-25 01:14:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him a full body massage when he gets home and do some fun and nice things with him... Go out to dinner at times and date once in a while. Be his best friend and a listening ear. He may want to think about finding a new job that is not as stressful... You be his support and love him through this. He may also need counseling and help to learn how to deal with the stress and boss. He will have to learn to leave work at work when he comes home to you.
2007-01-25 00:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you worry about something & it doesn't happen, then you've worried in vain. If you worry about something & it does happen, then you've worried twice about it.
Some people have been told to keep their personal life at home, but the opposite works too. Keep your work, at work. When he's at home, tell him to forget about it, as there's nothing he can do about it now, & to enjoy the family that he has before they're grown up & gone. He's doing this for the family & it's not worth it, if he can't even be with them mentally, when he's there physically. Tell him to focus on what really counts & what's really important.
If he can't relax at all at home, then he should be looking for another job, because with that stress level, you'd be widowed way before your time.
In the meantime, if focussing on the family doesn't work, you can always try to distract him by a little 1 on 1 time. If a little intimacy (kissing...) doesn't work, then let it all out!!! (striptease....)
2007-01-25 01:06:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Have this problem too. Except mines just self centered. Mine doesn't have a care in the world. So I can't tell you to do the "not speaking to him" method, because he's worried about other important things. It's hard to get someone to do things differently, Maybe counseling would help. I'm going myself, and dealing with it on my own. 2 totally different situations, but counseling is helping me a bit. Hope you find a way, if so please let us all know!
2007-01-25 00:54:17 · answer #5 · answered by DnBprincess850 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he has to leave work at work. You can make his home a welcoming, relaxing place, but you can't change his attitue towards you.
His boss is important at work, but at home, he needs to be thinking about you and your relationship, what is best for your family, if you have children. Don't let him get away with saying he can't take his mind off work. Tell him he has no choice, he has to. He needs to deal with home stuff when he is at home.
2007-01-25 00:53:27 · answer #6 · answered by kiera70 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be supportive and try not to tell him to many things that he may forget. I have a little bit of the same problem but mine just can't remember me telling him something 2 days ago. I just decided to tell him the day before something was going to happen and if he doesn't remember then that is his fault. Sometimes they don't mean to not listen but guys also can have selective hearing! LOL
2007-01-25 00:53:17 · answer #7 · answered by LSD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband used to be a lot like yours and he changed jobs. His doctor told him that all his stressing would put him in an early grave, and neither of us wanted that so he quit. It is not at all healthy for anyone to worry so much about a job. Mention sex though and l bet he'll remember talking about it, they always do. Funny about that ay !! Good luck with everything.
2007-01-25 01:07:56 · answer #8 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he comes in from work let him get a shower and relax some then take him into the room and undress him get on your knees and you know from there just give it to him nice and slow make it good then once you two have finished lay him in the bed and talk with him or might want to try to write him notes or letters and out them in his briefcase hell make his lunch and sick a love you note in the middle of his sandwich you got to keep the love alive babe for him to keep interested in the marriage or home life let him remember that there is love at home. i think you get what I'm trying to say
2007-01-25 01:04:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a common problem that many people face. don't take it serious. First of all you have to be relaxed itself to make others. Tell your spouse about her plus points, praise her mind, decisions, beauty etc. Don't remember bad things, Don't critisies her. You will see the changes, She will start listen to you.
2007-01-25 01:03:40 · answer #10 · answered by Rajesh G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋