ex that had a huge credit card debt....?

Question

my daughter who is 21, with a good job was seriously involved with a 26 year man that struggled finding a job he could keep...she helped him find a decent job and they rented an apartment together. I found out that the apartment was in her name and started asking questions....she told me that he had a large credit card debt ( over $8.000) from a few years ago and an ex girlfriend that he has not made any payments on for over 2 years. He didn't think it would be a good idea for his credit report to be ran by the landlord. This really bothered me, and I guess I turned into the meddeling mother and told my daughter that she should think real hard before making a long term commitment, as I felt she would never have a secure future with him. She ended up leaving him, stating his ego was his lover....but was I wrong to interfear?

Answer 1

You would have been less than a mother if you DIDNT say something! Part of your responsibility as a parent is to share your wisdom with your children in an effort to shield them from making bad decisions.
Sometimes it takes a person (who has no alterior motives, such as the 'single best friend') to give an honest assessment of the situation. YOu did that.
You did not interfere, you asked her a question that made her think.
You should be very proud of yourself that you raised such a thinking child. quite a few women in her situation would have dug in deeper, defended the man and married him to 'prove you wrong' . The demise of their relationship was NOT YOUR FAULT even if that WAS the reason that they broke up.
Neither you or your daughter knows for sure if that was the real reason behind the debt and I am sure that if you were able to locate the 'ex' she would have had a different explanation regarding the 8k debt. Hell if he was stupid enough to let her charge 8k on HIS credit, she would probably still be with him!
I am sure that there were other problems in the relationship anyway and this simply helped her to think about him in a way that did not involve 'love', but a practical issue.
Wish you were my mom!

Answer 2

You do not say who is the primary cardholder. If you are an "authorized user" you are NOT liable for the debt, and it will not show up on your credit reports. Get copies of your credit reports. If the debt is not listed there, your ex was probably the primary cardholder. If you are an authorized user only, ignore every communication from the debt collector. If you had been the primary cardholder, you would have been receiving phone calls from the credit card years ago demanding payment. The fact that you have not leads me to believe that you are only an authorized user and therefore not responsible for payment. Aside from that, the statute of limitations has probably expired. Do NOT make any inquiries about paying the debt or enter into any payment arrangement as this could open up a whole new can of worms and possibly start the clock ticking all over again from day 1. It is possible the collection agency has bought the debt and is trying to bully you into making payments even if there is no legal obligation on your part to do so.

Answer 3

I think you are a good parent for a couple of reasons.

1. you are asking for a reality check for the betterment of your relationship with your daughter.

but I noticed something else ... It seems as though your daughter took in your loving advice, listened and acted in a positive manner. I think that you having a trusting relationship with your daughter is about the best thing a mother could ask for.

AND it sounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders .... gosh, wonder where she got that from ... lol

Answer 4

I give my son financial advice all the time. That is your job. I don't pressure him to see things my way but I put it out there on the table for him to look at and decide for himself. The last piece of advice I gave him was to wait until Monday to pay the rent. Three days would not make that much difference. Saturday after she thought he paid the rent, she kicked him out. My Son took the money and rented an apartment of his own with his money instead of paying her rent and being thrown out.

Sometimes children don't think clearly when they are being used. It is your job to put on the glasses so they can see.

Answer 5

No, it a mother's job and a right to voice her opinion. NOT make the decisions but atleast state opinions. In this case, I don't think the man had it together and if he could turn things around, maybe that would be different, but he sounds like a free-loader!
Wish you the Best!!

Answer 6

Not at all. Although your daughter has to take responsiblitiy for her own decsions, as a mother it is not out of place to speak up when you see something going on like this.
Speaking up requires timing, depends upon your relationship with your daughter, and the words you use and how you say it.
Once you share you concerns, say not more to her about it unless she asks you. Ultimately it is her choice and she is responsible for the outcome for her own life.

Answer 7

no matter how old your daughter is...be it 21 or 61...you are her mum.

the woman who is dedicated to her child. you told her what u had felt because you were concern, you love her.
why are u blaming yourself? :)
i am sure things will be worse if you voice your concern only after that guy ended up landing your daughter in debts or cheating your daughter.

this guy doesnt seem to be a good man either... why should his ex be making payments for him? or was it a loan he gave to his ex using credit card?

so you should be glad that your daughter has left him. :D
i am sure ur daughter will understand your worries.

Answer 8

if i were in that situation, i would want my mom telling me to find a better guy. Your looking out for her future & you did the right thing interfering. Good girls always end up with bad guys because they don't have caring mothers like you to tell them they are with a loser!

GOOD JOB! =)

Answer 9

I don't think so!..Im 20 years old and my mom still tells me exactly what she thinks. I might not like or want to hear exactly what she has to say.

But i will tell you right now... my mom has been right in EVERYTHING she has ever said!.. So you keep in there... and no matter how much she hates you at the time for saying so... she really realizes it tooo.. she just doesn't want to face facts...

But she did in this case.. so THANK GOD!..

Go mom your right all the way!

Answer 10

Nope..
You were right in this case...
But it is a fine line that parents sometimes walk
in an effort to help but not interfere...
You sound like a good & wise mother...