I'm the oldest of a bunch of kids so I kind of feel like i'm in charge. My dad has been verbally and physically abusive for as long as a remember, but always with an apology and a gift afterwards and he never left any marks for others to see. He molested my brother and my mom finally left him. Now he's fighting for custody of the kids that he never wanted. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. Any advice or just plain comfort would be appreciated. We've taken all the legal measures. I'm talking personally.
2007-01-24 15:48:28 · 52 answers · asked by flutterby 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm glad that you all are taking all the legal measures. Even though it may be difficult, I suggest that you testify (if possible). That way the judge can hear it from one of the children what abuse he has put all of you through. It will take a lot of courage, but it will keep you from having to live in such a terrible environment. God bless you and Good luck!
2007-01-31 13:41:44 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the oldest of five myself. I'm an adult now, but i know what you are going through. My childhood was a lot like yours my father abused us and abused our mother. You just have to stay strong for your mother and siblings. There really isn't much you can do personally besides that. The only thing you can do is legally tell the judge you don't want him to have custody or even visits. Tell them you don't feel safe around him. Maybe in the future when he has lost everything you can hope he comes to terms with all the hurt he did. My father did after many years, I was 23 the first time he tossed a baseball with me. Just be there for your brothers and sisters and mom. Stand tall being the oldest means you are every ones rock. Good Luck To You i home everything works out.
2007-01-24 15:57:13 · answer #2 · answered by duffmanky 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen Hun i know what you are going through! My mom and step-dad got together when i was 6 years old! (the same year my real father passed away) For years he sexually abused me and my sister! My mother and him had a son , my little brother! All the time he still abused me and my sister! My mother and him both had very bad drinking and drug problems! So as the oldest of the children i was the one who was in charge! My mother and him just now recently got divorced and he is fighting for my little brother! I had to get in front of a court room and tell the judge why i thought my mother would be better off with my brother! Because of me and my sister speaking up my mother won the case! So just keep your head up and help your mother in all the ways you could! Because let me tell you me and my family may not have much but we are finally happy!
2007-01-24 18:52:41 · answer #3 · answered by HaZeLeYeZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you!!!
I also had an abusive Mom. I really belive that your future is your present thoughts being manifested. In case that is hard for you to understand for you because I don't know your age, that means that your future is whatever you are thinking right now.
The point is when I was young and couldn't do anything about it always imagine that she will be a caring and a loving mother.
I have 4 smaller brothers and me and my older sister loved and care for them so she won't harm them and without even realizing it we were their caring and loving mother.
I really don't know what happend maybe Mom saw how we loved and protect them and she learn what she didn't know how to do. Maybe she was scared to educate with love and thought that being strict was the best way because it was the way she was brought up. The thing is that for a very long time she has been THE BEST LOVING AND CARING MOTHER THERE IS!
I know it can work for you too! be pacient is not as fast as we would like but is true.
Wish you the best
2007-02-01 13:58:52 · answer #4 · answered by analee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to seek legal advice, which is different than getting a lawyer. You need to scale back the intensity of the conflict. Stop threatening him with test and certainly don't threaten to not let him see his child. Let him know that you want him to be in his child's life. Through out the whole court process you two have the power to decide what happens. Try to do what ever it takes to make the decisions yourself instead of letting the judge or a mediator make the choices for you. Most courts give the mother a lot of preference so the ball is probably on your side of the court. Again, try to keep your conflict out of court, you will be way better off.
2016-05-24 06:29:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak up to your lawyer, social worker, anyone and everyone-even your doctor.
I know it will be hard, but you also need to have the other children speak out too.
No one deserves abuse.
Start to keep a daily journal of all you thoughts, and your goals. Make sure you mark off your goals as you accomplish them, that will give you strength. Get into a therapist ASAP. Mental abuse can be harder than physical.
You've taken a step already by asking your question here an opening up some. There will be a hard road ahead, but keep focused on the positives things that will come out of you and the rest of the children Not being around your dad all the time.
Good Luck!!!
Good JOB
2007-01-24 15:57:35 · answer #6 · answered by jpf 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you have to be going through this, trust me, I know the pain you are going through. I'm sorry but I really don't know what you should do, maybe you should talk to your mother, just tell her how you feel and ask her all the questions you have been wanting to ask, even if it doesn't seem like she would have the answers. It is always better if you can talk to somebody and share your emotions with somebody, rather than keeping it inside. I'm sure that this will work out for you, you can trust that you will not be forced to do anything and will not be put into a dangerous environment. It will always come down to what is best for you, in the mean time, I hope you find the support you need and I feel your pain.
2007-01-24 15:57:04 · answer #7 · answered by ddzaszcxascs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Reading this made my heart heavy and I'm gonna keep you all in my prayers and put you on the alter at my church. If you and mostly your brother have told the judge and the police what this man has done to you all, then he will be taken care of. He doesn't want you all, it's your mother he's trying to hurt and she did right by leaving and taking you all with her. I hope you all have had some kind of therapy. That's the first thing the courts are gonna look at. They want to know if he was so bad, did you all get some kind of care. 2nd. All if you kids need to have a thorough check up by a doctor that knows what went on so any findings can be documented. 3rd. Try to find away to forgive your father. It's easy to go thru life hating those that hurt you, But it set you free from the oppresser, when you learn to forgive and love the person. I didn't say you have to sit down to dinner with them. I'm saying you must make peace with yourself and God, in order for God to do what he promises about revenge being his to handle and he'll make your enemy your footstool.Learn to pray and believe in God that he'll be your lawyer in the court room. I know God can heal those wounds and you and your siblins will be the last thing your father will need in his life. Even if he dicide to change his life around for good, he will still have to pay for what he has done to you. Isn't God great. Let him feel your heart with all the things you have missed in life. Don't become what your dad has become. It's got to be painful to live in his body and have as much hatred as he have. I wish you well and to the rest of your siblings learn to laugh, because justice is on the way.
2007-01-28 20:07:31 · answer #8 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that this has happened to you and your siblings. Good for your Mom for leaving him to make a better life for all of you. You do have a voice!!!!! Request a private meeting with the case worker that is handling the case, and explain what the past has brought, and your frustrations. It is very very doubtful that he will gain custody of any of you, most likely this has more to do with wanting to stress out and hurt your mother, kind of a last dig.....or he does not want to be financially responsible (child support)...but the courts see this all of the time and can read him like a book. Make sure that you and your siblings speak up when bad things are going on...abusers depend on silence from their victims....so if he ever tries anything again...call the police....get him on record, and hopefully he will not only lose any slim chance of custody, but he may end up behind bars where he belongs.
2007-01-24 15:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should first file a claim with the local police. Depending on what state, and how long ago the abuse took place, the statute of limitations should not be expired....No matter what kind of abuse, he should not have custody. Your mom should not have any problem unless your father has something that could hurt her in court. Let me know I'll bust em down for you. My son was molested, and because it was in Michigan, and he didn't say anything for 5 years they wont do anything. You have to report that **** no matter who it is. It never stops...ever.
2007-01-24 15:56:33 · answer #10 · answered by surfinnorcal77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋