Oh and i'll tell you a couple:
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'
"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"
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2007-01-24 15:43:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Here's one that I received in my email today. I about died reading it. It's called the "rectum stretcher"
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked "what's your hurry? "To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher"
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well", she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then slowly but surely stretch it until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face........... Priceless
2007-01-24 15:49:36 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Me-Just Me♥ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Make white people jokes. Whats long and hard for a white guy? Nothing! Why are white girls in West Virginia so fast? They grew up running away from their brothers. What do you get from the front row of a Lenard Skinner concert? 100 white people and fifty teeth. Or you could take the high road and make sure they know how inappropriate and ignorant those types of jokes are and how you would appreciate them to not make those kinds of comments around you. You may loose some friends this way but good riddens to bad rubbish.
2016-05-24 06:28:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dog walks into a bar and says Ok everyone I am looking for the guy who shot my paw.
What is the favorite wine at Ole Miss? Daaaaaaaaaadddddddddyyyyyyyy
What do you call a good looking girl at Auburn? Visitor.
Why did Tennessee put in AstroTurf in their stadium? To keep the homecoming court from grazing at halftime.
What do you have when you get the cheerleader squad at Pen state in one place? A full set of teeth.
When a dog pees on a fire hydrant at USC what do they call it? Penis envy
How many girls from SMU does it take to change a flat tire? 2 One to mix the drinks the other to call daddy on the cell phone.
2007-01-24 15:58:48 · answer #3 · answered by Roll_Tide! 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You can go to my Q & A page and look under my questions section. See "Ok, here it is....Don't Move to Alaska. It's a fairly long joke to retype here, but my husband and the guys he works with thinks it's hilarious!
2007-01-24 15:51:51 · answer #4 · answered by Starscape 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
2007-01-24 15:48:21 · answer #5 · answered by BRAINS! 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
There is a chair. It is a Walking, There is shoes. La La LA the chair is walking with a shoes. Chair is walking
2007-01-24 15:50:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 6⤋
yo mama is so fat that the empire state building is her tampon
2007-01-24 15:47:14 · answer #7 · answered by askannie123 2 · 0⤊ 5⤋