How can you deal with, and I am not exaggerating at all, a husband full of egoism, pride, arrogance?

Question

who if I pointed out something negative about him, he will be sure to make me feel less than human about it and demean me in many ways and act so very offended as if I commited a crime against him. What I told him is he needs to live his life for Christ, which he knows because I talked w/him before but this time I think the way I said it was more direct. He professes to be a Christian but always has a problem with me when I tel him that we need to find time for God even in his workaholic world.
He acts as if he doesnt even know me as if we're strangers and as if I am against him. I try to explain that I did not say it in an accusing way I simply made an observation and brought somthing to his attention. Then later on he acts like an innocent human being like nothing happened. No sorry feelings nothing.

I actually am quitting my career (been in it almost 1 yr and a half i'm in my mid 20's) to help him with his work b/c he is self employed working on his computer at home all the time. He doesnt have any friends b/c of his busy work life. He has a hard time getting along with my family members there is always something to annoy him. No when i married him I didnt know him too wel...I thought I did. but i learned that i really cannot disagree with him....

and to explain about dedcision to help him...i didnt want to quit my full time great job i suggested he get a family member whos looking for a job to help him but he didnt agree. he made me feel so guilty about wanting to stick w/my career a bit more. so i said ok. fine...long story but i sacrifice myself for him in so many ways...i cry a lot. i am strong in my faith, but sometimes i just wish i knew what to do as divorce is not an option for me and counseling i tried w/pastor before..major disaster, made my husband hate me even more.

He found out I asked a question on here once and said to me in a hateful way "why don't you get your answers from the Bible instead of asking secular people?" things like these comments like these that make me feel so so very hurt. I have no close friends to talk with except family but i cant tell them this.

hurt and very angry :(

i'm listening to it must've been love by roxette...its exactly reflective of me and my life

Answer 1

I know something about that. Here's the short version:

It starts with a very simple question: "What do you want?"
The basis is Ephesians 5:22-33. I cannot describe to you how powerful submission is. It is not being a doormat. It is not caving in to your husband. It is simply asking him to LEAD!

As you know, a leader is not merely a dictator. The responsibility is so much greater than that. That simple 4-word question invites him to lead. Here are the things that you are not responsible for:
- pointing out his faults
- telling him what he needs
- finding time for God
- making observations
those are all convictions that God will bring to him without any help from you. If you bring them to your husband, you are interfering with the work that God will do in your husband's life.
You have exactly one job - to submit in an active sense - ask the 4-word question. It's NOT rolling over and playing dead. It truly works.

Answer 2

First of all this man is very controlling. You will make a large mistake if you quit your job that you seem to really love. He is very arrogant and into himself. Tell him that God did not want him to treat others differently than he would treat himself. He has the upper hand on you don't know what religion you are but it sounds like it is morman or some kind that believes that the man is the most important person and is superior over the woman. Anyways it is hard to leave someone that you love..you just do not love how he acts and treats you. You said it yourself he has no friends and really doesn't like your family. I would say that this man is purely a loner...and doesn't want to let you off of your leash. I have a boyfriend who is similar to some of the things you are talking about. I always go back to him. It is so hard to leave someone that you love and have had a relationship with. I am very stubborn and controlling and so is he. So that is where we have problems. In my marriage I was the boss! No one should really be the boss as someone told me when you compromise everybody wins. Try talking to him that way and tell him he has to give a little to get a little. Stop living like you were on Little House on the Prarie....even Charles Ingalls didn't act like that. Get tough and lay the law down on this man. As long as he is not violent and will hit you only you know that. Stop being so willing to give up your life for his....what is in it for you. Put yourself first or don't stay if he doesn't want to try it is very unhealthy this situation you talk about. Good Luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 3

You asked our opinion so here is mine...seems like your husband was either the eldest in his family, the eldest boy in his family, or he had to work for a living early in life, or had to watch over other children as they grew up, or for some reason took the lead early in life. There is no changing him. There is no suggesting to him as he knows his life and knows what he wants and he intends to do it, and he has every right to that. You don't marry a man and then try to change him.

If you want to go to church then go to church. If he wants to join you he will. You don't need to tell him about living any life for Christ because as you said, he alredy knows that, so your insisting and persisting and irritating makes him angry. Do you see that?

Every marriage is different. Seems that in yours he already has his plans, dreams and work cut out for him. So why don't you have your own life? Perhaps you need something more in your life. Why not busy yourself with other things? Take a class, improve your education, take up some interests like maybe crafts, busy yourself with a job (home internet or full or part time job). It seems like you have a personality of wanting to help others, so why not get a service-type job as in customer service where you have to help someone, provide information, fill out forms, ask people questions and talk. That way when you come home you can talk with your husband about other things, things that you did to improve your life instead of trying to improve his life.

Answer 4

You married him that way--a man full of egoism, pride and arrogance. How did you deal w it before you married?

Often the same characteristics that a person is attracted to is the same characteristics that become negative issues later.

Go back to seeing these things attractive as you used to, especially b/c it isnt fair to him. He was, before you said 'I do'.

When you can draw on memory, you can find in yourself (if you want to) that nice way you communicated w him.

Right now he is only responding to the changed you.

All this is with the assumption you had a reasonable time frame to get to know one another and a positive relationship before marriage.

Answer 5

So!! the gentlemen sounds like a pharisee.
Being that he is his own god, lord and master,and in his thoughts he has worked out his own salvation, what more can you do but pray and ask that God will have mercy on him, However God is more than capable in turning our attention toward him, So just continue to pray that the lords perfect will be done in your life and your husbands God will have the final word in your circumstance.

Answer 6

All men act this way. If they feel they are being attacked, put down, or something negative, they act this way as a defense mechanism.
Try to approach it in a positive manner, and see how that works. Men react better to praise all the time. Play up to his ego, I bet it works.

Answer 7

It sounds like you BOTH need a really good therapist. Or one for each of you.

Jesus is NOT a therapist and Churches are NOT proper places for mental health care treatment.

You wouldn't go to a church to have your burst appendix removed. Why on Earth would you go to a church to have someone evaluate your mental health?

And if you are not willing to do that or if he isn;t, face the fact- this is NO marriage and you both need to walk away before you begin to hate each other.

Answer 8

How can one like that want God in their life?
Just focus on you and your religion. The question is - is that behavior on other subjects than religion. If he acts this way about other stuff...than he might have issues. He probably doesn't like being told he needs to live his life for Christ...let your life shine through to him...

Answer 9

Tell him that you loved him when you first met. But get the heck out of the relationship before you cannot even recognize yourself in a mirror.

Answer 10

was he like that before yu married him?? Have you always tried to make him prey and the like?? you gotta look at yourself its not yur job to save him or any body else no matter what your church tells you. you gotta be an example not a nag about it. Give him a break.. If he is like this in all of his affairs then he will loose friends and will wonder why ..he will change one day or he wont . your happiness is your responsability and his is his ...surrender kid.