I am a married woman with two kids and I have been unhappy for a long time, but tried to make the best of it. I got involved with a group about a year ago and met this single man who has turned out to be a sweet and dear friend. About six months ago I started feeling these undeniable feelings for him. When I saw him, my stomach would sink and when he would leave, I would feel sad. He is very shy and I think he finds me attractive. We have many common interests and I am terrified to end the friendship.
My husband is an emotionally unavailable, workaholic, alcoholic, selfish person. However, he's been a good provider and we are in marriage counseling. What in the world should I do?
2007-01-24 14:42:04 · 11 answers · asked by ohm2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To begin with, you need to stop seeing this other man. Next, you should seek further counseling without your husband, but you need to continue marriage counseling. Finally, you need to finish one relationship before you enter into another. Make sure you have done everything you can.
2007-01-24 15:06:41 · answer #1 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay in the marriage and continue going to counseling. Everything can be fixed if both will work on their own issues and not wait for the other to change. What you are about to do with your friend is called "adultery". Divorce damages your kids and sets them up for divorce when they get married. They see how mom and dad handled problems and may do the same thing. Being in a relationship isn't easy. Just because you love someone when you get married doesn't guarantee a successful marriage. It is a learning process and each person needs to be willing to make changes in them selves and give of themselves to make the other person happy. Instead of marriage being a "give give" relationship, it ends up being a "take take " relationship. Get marriage counseling, and individual counseling and quit seeing this guy. Nip it in the bud, now. Those romantic feelings you two once felt for each other can all be restored if you will do the right things. :)
2007-01-24 15:11:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your decision to stay with or to leave your husband should not be impacted by your attraction to someone else. If you had not met your friend would you want to leave. It also sounds like your husband is making an effort because he is marriage counseling. Give the counseling a chance, and see if he changes. Whatever you do don't cheat. If you end up leaving your husband, then and only then should you pursue a relationship with someone else. You definitely do not want bad karma.
2007-01-24 14:50:38 · answer #3 · answered by Roc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on the marriage counseling and try to work out your marriage. Your kids have a lot to lose if you do not put 100% of your effort into this. As far as the guy you are falling for, it is not appropriate for you to be around him right now, because you are trying to work things out with your husband. Having crushes are natural, especially when you are in a bad situation relatationshipwise, but your marriage is not going to get on the right track with you pining over this single man.
2007-01-24 14:48:57 · answer #4 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to give your husband a warning here, stop drinking or I'm leaving, cause that will hurt your children and that is who you should be concerned about. If your husband refuses to seek help and the counseling is going no were you need to end the relationship, you and your children will be miserable if you don't. However, I would advise you to limit your contact with this other gentleman if you feel you can't trust yourself around him, cause like him or love him...you're still married. If you end up leaving your husband then it would be ok to persue a relationship with this other man, just keep in mind the feelings of your children, atleast at first.
2007-01-24 14:54:51 · answer #5 · answered by Sara R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only like this guy because you get from him what you don't get from your husband. If you're going to counseling, you must be committed to making your marriage work. Besides, did you ever stop to think that maybe the guy hasn't approached you because you are married and not because he's shy?
2007-01-24 14:55:38 · answer #6 · answered by DeeLovely 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are in marriage counseling, I would infer that you are trying to make your marriage work. If you are really serious about making it work, you need to cut ties with this "friend." Those kind of "friends" are poison to a marriage.
And don't fool yourself into thinking that your "friend" is so right for you... you're seeing him in his best light right now, and your husband in his worst.
2007-01-24 14:49:59 · answer #7 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are married, does nt aldultery mean anything to you, you dont have to have sex for it to be aldutery, if you put someone else into your heart before your spouse, it is aldutery.....please work on your marriage, he provides you said, there you go, instead pray for him and ask God to change him.....God loves you
2007-01-24 14:50:38 · answer #8 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u married ur hubby for a reason...don't cheat whatever u do...if ur unhappy that much then leave but don't cheat...like i said u married him for a reason so maybe u should focus on counseling and him. every couple has their rough times.
2007-01-24 14:49:17 · answer #9 · answered by mr_fury666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
work on the marriage and forget the friend
2007-01-24 15:10:07 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋