Slapping or spanking children for highly inappropriate behavior?

Question

I am talking about children who understand the word, "No." In addition they have been given warnings about the consequences of their behaivor. My 12-year and I had a dispute about the type of bra she needed while shopping. I told her she was rude and acting like a brat. She threw the bra at me. I honest-to-God slapped her on her cheek. No probs since. We both apologized. Was I wrong?

Answer 1

Yes. Spank only young children—never in anger and without warnings. It is useful to put an exclamation point on some behavior that puts the child at risk e.g. playing in the street or playing with electrical outlets. 12 year olds and bras are not a place for corporal punishment. If you disagree, you must have had a reason. Refusal to pay for clothing and/or other grounding until there is adequate conversation is in order.

Answer 2

You were BOTH wrong; her for her bad behavior and you for slapping her in public.
She needs to be more appreciative for your input on the type of bra (after all, it is your money - not hers) and she need not get you to the point of slapping her. I'm sure there could have been something else you could have done but at this moment I'm really not sure what.
I'm very glad that your children do understand the word 'No' and they are aware of the consequences of their bad behavior.
I see so many questions, here, from parents not knowing how to say 'No' to their children (nor do they ever discipline them) and from children who think when their parents tell them 'No' they feel the parents are either being mean or they are being abused.
Discipline and abuse is two completely different things and it's sometimes very difficult to get people to realize it.

Answer 3

No! You had every right to be a parent to your child and correct her. She is not an adult and still needs your input into her life and decisions. She has no way of knowing how certain things will affect her life. I know it was just a bra but if you establish borders early on she will be less likely to cross them later. I have 3 sons and when it is necessary, they are spanked. I would say in a months time they may get 2 maybe 3 at the most. My sons are well behaved, mannerly and kind and we get many compliments on them (they are 3, 5, 6). I wouldn't change anything we have done so far.

She is getting to the age where she thinks she knows it all. Her mouth starts running before her brain does. I remember this stage in my life, we have all been through it and it was a difficult time but we get through it with the help of our parent and the rest of our family. Good job!!!!

Answer 4

Yes, because you hit her out of anger. It's great that you both apologized, though. Disciplining or correcting your daughter is not wrong but to do so out of extreme frustration or anger crosses the line. She's entering a difficult age because while she's still your little girl, she is beginning to seek her independence. She's also old enough to begin discussing rules and consequences so you may want to find more time to talk about these things (or solicit help from other parents in your circle of friends who have dealt with this transitional age.) Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

Spanking like giving a hand swat in the butt is not abuse, it is discipline. Even hitting a child with a belt, a shoe, a stick, or some light objects is also discipline. I used to get hit with shoe and belt and nothing happened to me. Now, punching, kicking, and mostly choking is child abuse and punishable by the law. Slapping could be child abuse too depending on how hard you slapped the kid. If the kid knows he/she is being abused, then he/she has the right to block, but if it is discipline, then no. There is a difference between discipline and abuse.

Answer 6

No. Children do need boundaries, and I don't care what some child psychologists say...sometimes all a kid needs is a spanking...I was taking care of a little boy and he was throwing all of these fits and he knew what the word no means, and his mom finally just spanked him and he stopped throwing the fits...the bible even says at proverbs 12:24 that one holding back his rod is hating his son, but the one loving him is he that does look for him with discipline...however the bible also talks about how sometimes a word can be more punishing than a spanking...just use discretion in which one you choose...sometimes a word isnt enough, but sometimes spanking is too severe...your daughter sounds like she was being quite disrespectful, so it doesnt sound like it was uncalled for.

Answer 7

YES!!!
THAT WAS VERY WRONG
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but a parent should never, under any circumstances, slap or physically hurt their daughter/son.

I believe that you should go up to her and apologize and explain that you realize it was wrong. Tell her you are sorry and give her a hug. This will strengthen your relationship.

by the way, I probably sound like a counselor, which I'm not. I am just telling you what I think you should do. You are under no obligation to listen to what i say(though i highly recommend it).

Answer 8

Yes, for doing it in public. Most people I think would misinterpret it if they weren't in close proximity.

My jaw probably would have dropped if she did that to me. I would have told her to pick it up and put it back on the shelf or into the cart. Then I would discipline her at home, after yelling at her in the car.

If she's developed breasts already, make her run a few laps in an itchy sweater or tee with no bra on underneath. That might teach her a lesson!

Answer 9

Do you realize that you could be turned into child protective services for that? Yes, you were wrong. Using physical violence on children shows them that it is okay to use force when someone is mean, rude or uncooperative towards them. Although what your daughter did was highly inappropriate, there are other ways that you could have reacted.

Answer 10

That was extremely wrong. There are better ways to punish a 12 year old than committing assault. Physically striking someone because they threw a piece of cloth at you... Look at it this way - say I'm in a store and some random person walking by calls me a bad name and throws a piece of cloth at me. Something that in no way could possibly hurt me or anyone else. Would I be justified in hitting that person?? OF COURSE NOT!!! The fact that she's your relative, and a child makes it WORSE, not BETTER than me laying out a perfect stranger.