A close friend of mine for almost 40 years moved far away-we used to do everything together,almost joined at the hipBirthday and Christmas card with brief note is her idea of being dear friends now . When I b ecame to handicapped with muscle atrophy and we could not longer go f for a day's outings to other towns and lunch,etc. she began to withdraw then. I did not get obsessed over that,I understood as she was very physically active.
Am I expecting too much for her to admit , at least to herself ,that she is off base in her concept of what a friend is? Like more in touch,phone call now and then, more contact without overkill?
We went through a lot together and she now has another close friend and I truely am happy for her. I just have a problem with her idea of what a true friend consititutes. I have many friends so it that's no problem. It has been 5 years now. She wanted to keep in touch and signs her few contacts with much love. Is it time to just move on our seperate ways?
2007-01-24 12:19:06 · 24 answers · asked by marlynembrindle 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I'm truly sorry for your loss in friendship because a true friend is hard to find. Friendships are developed that need growth and effort on both parts just like any other relationship. Think of a your relationship as a plant; if you give water and give it sunlight it grows, right? Well, relationships need that kind of attention too.
When you became ill it may have been difficult for her to see you that way. Some people don't handle tragedy well especially a slow degenerative one like muscular atrophy. She remembers how you used to be and she doesn't know how to interact with you now.
Don't get me wrong I don't think was right to distance herself from you but just as you notice changes in her interaction with you; she may have noticed changes in your interaction with her.
Maybe she isn't the only person who changed a bit after you were diagnosed. We are all too close to ourselves to be objective sometimes.
As for getting back in touch; have you tried initiating a dialog to let her know you miss her? She may miss the the old you as much as you miss her. You may not have the physical mobility as before but I'm sure your wit and sense of humor is intact.
Good Luck,
Quequegs
2007-01-24 12:41:45 · answer #1 · answered by quequegs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your friend of 40 years has seemed to move on, she may still be your friend but you should not expect to be as close as you were after such a long time...
My definition of a Friend is someone who enjoys your company ( & vis versa) someone who cares for you and wants to know how your day went and you want to hear about there day. Someone who you trust 90% of the time!
A Best Friend, Is some one you want to spend you time with but when you are together you have no need to entertain each other just being in each others presence willl make you happy.. even watching tv , reading or slepping.... A Best friend you can trust with everything and you can go weeks with out being sick of eachohter! There are many qualites that a Best Friend should have and these are just a few of the best ones!
Hope all is best for you and you follow your heart no matter where it takes you!
2007-01-24 13:15:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not married, sometimes friends move on if no one gets disabled. I had a very good friend who moved and we write sometimes. It isn't the same but we stay in touch and that's enough. Why does it have to be all or nothing.
I mean I could understand if you dumping this guy and want to move on but you were not a couple were you?
I have done that numerous times and see old school friends and we have a great time together and don't see them again for a year or so. What about class reunions. You only see them every 20 years.
2007-01-24 12:26:28 · answer #3 · answered by Ruth 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your a bit jealous. friendship tend to go in circles. They have high and low points. Some friendship
get stronger or weaker. Don't ever confuse friendship with unconditional love. Friendship always have conditions . And your status has changed it does not mean your friend does not like you , I'm sure she still thinks very highly of you and respects you ,if what you say is true. And sure your environment has changed . And have you open up to other people and make new friends . I have learned that i have many friends and i am a lucky person to have that, but sometimes my expectation are not meet and i have come to realize that friendship is a two way street that is mutually given and best not expected,
2007-01-24 12:43:03 · answer #4 · answered by sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My personal idea of a friend is simple. One who can accept who you are. Overlooking any deficiencies, handicaps, or other problems one may have.
One who is honest. Without being biased to the fact you are a friend, everyone does something wrong from time to time and needs to know it.
One who can love and feel. Someone who can love you as if you were their brother or sister and can feel the troubles you are going through as well as help you through them.
And someone who will just stand beside you the whole way and in turn; know the meaning of a friend.
I wish you the best in whatever is going on with you.
Alan
2007-01-24 12:30:02 · answer #5 · answered by alan w 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she still wants to be friends. I think she has found other friends that can keep up with her. I don't mean this mean, sorry. I also think that when those friends can't keep up with her she will move on. I think a true friend is with you good and bad. Also, when you don't agree on something, which has happened to me. My friends have been around for over 33 years. You just agree to disagree. Friends don't judge you, they offer advice. They pick you up when you're down. They are there with you no matter what. I hope this helps.
2007-01-24 12:41:10 · answer #6 · answered by CURTIS TERI C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me a friend is someone who will come bail you out and not ask what you were in for. Someone who would help bury the body. Someone who will put you on your side so you don't choke on your own vomit. I'd go my separate ways. She isn't the friend she once was. If you have to try or are worried about making her uncomfortable then bail.You should never feel awkward around them. Good luck finding the friends you deserve.
2007-01-24 12:29:04 · answer #7 · answered by angelbabydoll82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A true friend is one who knows our faults and still loves us as we are. Friendship has many levels and takes many forms and changes its form over time.
To some extent, you and your friend HAVE moved on separately, but what do you gain by rejecting the continued friendship she offers, no matter how limited? Ask yourself whether YOU are a true friend to her, i.e., whether you still accept her as your friend even though you recognize her limitations. Consider yourself blessed that you have, as you say, many friends, and don't cut yourself off from any of them, just because they don't or can't offer as much support as you think they should.
2007-01-24 12:35:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My definition of a true friend is being caring, loyal, real, and supportive. It's probably a good time to move on. It seems like she is having a tough time dealing with your disabilty (a real tough time!) until she accepts it she'll be back in touch.
2007-01-24 12:40:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A friend is someone u can count on through thick and thin , someone that shares your happiness and your sorrows ,someone who can be truthful to u and give u a sharp kick in the rear when needed, that's my definition of a friend.
2007-01-24 12:26:11 · answer #10 · answered by nitenurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋